March 24, 2016

Planning a crossdreamer anthology

Some of us over at the Crossdream Life forum are planning a crossdreamer anthology.

Think of it as a book that may answer some of the many questions asked by crossdreamers and crossdressers, gender variant people who are trying to understand themselves and their place in the world.

These would be questions and topics like:

  • Transgender vs. crossdreamer
  • Childhood Awareness
  • Am I mentally ill?
  • Is this a fetish?
  • Why can’t I stop?
  • How far will I have to go?
  • Breaking the news
  • Clothing and appearance
  • Why does it seem to become so important in midlife?
  • Why are we included in LGBT?

We are looking for crossdreamers and gender variant people who may discuss these and other topics. If you think that you can contribute, please add a comment here or or over at Crossdream Life, or send me and email (jack.molay@gmail.com).

We are not going to limit ourselves to new material. There are a lot of existing blog posts and forum comments out there that deserves a wider readership.

If you have a favorite blog post or comment, written by you or others, that you believe will be of help to crossdreamers and transgender people, please let us know in the same manner.

For more information, visit Crossdream Life.

12 comments:

Sandra Lopes said...

Well, this is definitely a most excellent idea! I'm looking forward to it :)

Anonymous said...

Another transgender person trying to reason with truscum:
http://katblaque.tumblr.com/post/141753868284/the-kat-blaque-circle-jerking-is-back


First off the truscum said "is proved by the case of David Reimer, which proved in the most horrible way that dysphoria can be a state of the mind and that it is completely responsible for gender identity."

That's an anecdote; one case of something happening. Anecdotes don't prove anything. In fact scientists and doctors often despise it when someone walks in with an anecdote of how X works.
If you are really going to use anecdotes, then Jack Molay proves that gender identity isn't 100% always connected to gender dysphoria cause he has gender dysphoria and according to him he still is the gender he is assigned at birth.

Ok. My turn, I used to have (undiagonsed)gender dysphoria and now I don't but I'm still trans. WOW. See how unverifiable anecdotes are?

For more information on why anecdotes aren't evidence see: http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Anecdotal_evidence

First off the only way to tell what someone's gender is by self-report; which is bad. Self-reports are not very reliable so um... these stories are unverifiable including your gender truscum.

Basically the only way that I know that you are trans is that you told me that you are trans. I have to trust you to tell me the truth. I cannot verify your gender and neither can you verify mine.

The DSM's criteria for gender dysphoria is not that accurate:
"Even in this age of brain scans and genetic analysis, we lack the capacity to diagnose psychiatric illness with objective tests. Therefore, psychiatrists rely on the symptoms reported by patients and their own observations to make a diagnosis. Clinicians can compare the patent’s symptoms with the standardised lists of symptoms and criteria contained in diagnostic manuals such as the DSM."(See more here: https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-the-dsm-and-how-are-mental-disorders-diagnosed-9568)


Also truscum, you don't have proof that fake trans people are ruining medical access for gender dysphoria.

In fact there a set of rules in order to transition and you must pass etc etc etc cause the medical community's goal is to relieve gender dyspohria with as little intervention as possible. Cause forcing all "real" trans(tm) to transition is a bad idea due to do I really have to explain why trans people should not to forced to transition to "prove" that they are real?

Three comics why you gatekeeping is bad
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/transgender-gatekeeping/
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/trans-enough-postscript/
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/09/its-not-a-race/

First of

-J

Healing Cd said...

Jack, I am wondering if you would perhaps be willing to let me write something short for this anthology. I know that we disagree, but it sounds like you are putting something together with a lot of varying perspectives about this complicated subject that we all wrestle with together. I would love to write something short, not attacking anyone or any ideology, but simply expressing my (and my community of past crossdressers) point of view. I would share that some people like myself have found contentment in living as a man, accepting myself as a man, and found success in overcoming the crossdreaming/crossdressing/transgender thoughts. Let me know, there are a lot of things I could write about, but I would write briefly, giving people hope that it is possible to change, and then if they were more interested, they could see my blog. If you want to keep your anthology with only authors who share your perspective, I understand that and accept that with no hard feelings. Thanks

Sandra Lopes said...

From what I read of your blog, @Healing Cd, as well from some of the blogs you link to, it seems that what you have to offer is mostly replacing 'crossdressing' with religion. While that is certainly a possible choice (it definitely helped people over the centuries), it's not really the choice for many of us — especially those who have always been religious from the very start.

I'm not sure where Jack 'disagrees' with you, but I would consider aversion techniques based on religion to be rather contrary to the spirit of this book; then again, ultimately, it will be Jack's choice.

joanna Santos said...
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joanna Santos said...

I am a practicing religious person who does not believe that gender variance is rooted in a lack of spirituality. The issue is more that there are different types of individuals and those who believe that one can cured of being transgender are not actually transgender but rather have indulged in crossdressing as strictly sexual activity that they adopted at some point. In such a case it is perfectly possible to stop an acitivity that one began of their own free will. As long as Jack makes that clear distinction in his book its always good to have different points of view.

To use this person's experience to be indicative of the rest of us would be of course a grave error.

Cindy Richards said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Anyway I highly doubt @healing cd's claims. I heard about repartive therapy and that blog of cd's probably is a variant of that.

I am sure when studies roll out that it will be known that 'overcoming' trans via religion be awful fpr health.

-J

Jack Molay said...

Anyone are welcome to send in texts for consideration (even if they are written by people who do not agree with me :) We also welcome texts on how crossdreamers have managed to cope with their crossdreaming, whether they transition or not.

However, we will not publish texts that are invalidating trans men and trans women or that present crossdreaming as some kind of sexual perversion.

Healing Cd said...

Thanks for all the comments. I think generally most crossdressers and transsexuals and any other gender variant persons, come to my blog with a lot of assumptions, don't really read carefully, and end up criticizing me for things I don't really believe. I understand that. We all have to make some assumptions because we don't have time to read everything. But it is frustrating to me nevertheless. I don't like being lumped into the reparative therapy crowd or Westboro Baptist crowd.

I don't advocate for reparative therapy, period. I don't advocate some miraculous religious cure for either crossdressing or gender dyshporia. I readily admit that in my own life I still struggle with some gender issues as well as periodic desires to crossdress. However, generally, 97% of the time, I have no desire to crossdress and feel perfectly content as a man. I don't promise people any relief for their feelings, (though I do believe we can change somewhat slowly over time as I have), but I simply tell people they have a choice about how to respond to the desires they are feeling inside.

I don't limit myself to talking only about crossdressing as a sexual activity. I also talk about transgender issues and those who crossdress for other than sexual reasons. As I hope all of you realize, there is tremendous overlap and it's really hard to categorize people.

I don't advocate replacing crossdressing with religion, at least not in that language. Relationship with God is the most important thing in life regardless of whether you crossdress or not. I write out of that Christian worldview, but I believe most of what I say makes a lot of sense even for atheists.

For example you don't have to be a Christian to learn that the best way to deal with gender dyshoria is not to change your identity, or modify your body, but to learn how to be content with your real life, your real body, and the circumstances you are in that you cannot change. To learn how to be well balanced, being yourself, rather than trying to conform to unhelpful gender stereotypes that are stifling. And you don't have to be a Christian to see the dangers and harms of crossdressing as a sexual addiction, that one should be obvious.

So if I wrote something, I would talk about things such as in that last paragraph. That we need to have compassion on ourselves, and others who struggle with these gender issues. We didn't choose to feel this way. And that the real solution is not giving in to the fantasies but rather learning contentment, and accepting ourselves, mind and body, as the men that we truly are.

So Jack, what do you think of that? I'm not really excited to write something until I get more of an idea of whether you will reject it or not. Again, either way is fine. Thanks for listening

Cindy Richards said...

If I may add my opinion on the offer from HealingCD. I think it could be a useful and interesting contribution to the effort. I'm sure it would be presented respectfully and in a non-judgmental and helpful way. It would be an alternative that people could pursue if they are interested. I would recommend that at least the article be written and submitted for consideration.

I am also a religious and spiritual person, and a part time CD and consider myself within the TG spectrum. In my case, my faith has helped me with the issues that come from being TG and a CD, although perhaps in a little different manner than HealingCD discusses on his site. (Which does not imply I disagree with what he offers, nor would I dispute his experience.) For me, faith has helped me accept myself as I am, and it has relieved me of the distress, guilt and dysphoria that once ruled my life.

How that came about may be of some interest. I had become so distressed that I turned to drugs to seek relief, and I became hopelessly addicted to hard drugs. I entered a recovery program for drugs, learned the 12 step program, and adopted a spiritual life. I have now been clean for 10 years. I have joined a church and now put my time and energy into helping other people, particularly addicts, alcoholics, the homeless and the poor. Before, I had been a very selfish person thinking only of my own wants and needs. In the course of this recovery and lifestyle change, I also experienced a sort of "healing" from my dysphoria and compulsions associated with CDing. Now I can keep it in perspective and not let it dominate my life - but it is still present.

I have come to believe that I was made this way, and it is part of who I am…. and it is fine. In fact, it is good - it is an important part of me that brings me a broader and more diverse perspective on life. I believe that God is not so concerned about what I wear or what gender I am - as about what is in my heart, and what I do to help others in need.

The qualities I strive to develop within myself are to be honest, caring, generous, compassionate, unselfish and forgiving. If I keep these things as the most important goals for myself, I can find peace and joy in my life. This I can do whether I am a man or a women or somewhere in-between…. and whether I wear a pair of pants or a dress.

I think the perspective that Healing CD offers may be somewhat different from my own experience, yet still a valuable and interesting alternative.

Jack Molay said...

@Healing CD

We, the editors, will review all the contributions we get and see if the fit the topic and the format, so feel free to submit your take on this. You write the text you would have wanted to read yourself. Length: two to six pages A4/letter format (max 11000 characters with spaces). Deadline: June 1.

(...and I am looking forward to your contribution, too, Cindy!)

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