tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post2383358937222676749..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: On the innate femininity of male to female crossdreamers ("autogynephiliacs")Sally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-46331914927329401142015-04-03T00:22:37.403-07:002015-04-03T00:22:37.403-07:00To worry about whether I am cross dresser or trans...<i>To worry about whether I am cross dresser or transsexual or heterosexual misplaced is to fall into the pit of desolate delusion. I will be buoyed for a moment thinking I have found myself, and then commence to torment myself trying to fit my actions into the category norm.</i><br /><br />Yes, and some even try to make this peace last by trying to police others.<br /><br />I find your comment very helpful, and I agree completely. We need to find ways to embrace our own ways and our own journey.<br /><br />This is not an easy task, though. Humans are "pack animals" in need of companionship, community and acceptance, and we are -- consciously or unconsciously -- willing to go to great lengths in order to belong somewhere. If everyone else finds your independence threatening, that can become a lonely life.<br /><br />There is a solution to this problem, too, fortunately, at least in some countries, and that is to move to a place where there is more tolerance of diversity.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-70004378553883453162015-04-02T17:44:51.640-07:002015-04-02T17:44:51.640-07:00Having been for all of my life. Well... who I am....Having been for all of my life. Well... who I am. I find the above discussion interesting and at times naive and at others enlightened. Thank heavens the auto....label is being dropped. If not please do, it is an insult or at least it seems a terrible confusion of reality. At times I called myself transvestite and more lately trans gendered which of all the labels is the most open and has the truest feeling for now. I am attracted to both men and woman. My experience with myself and others is that this is always a journey. A process of breaking down fears into the path of joy. An unlocking to society induced conformity. Of course liberation is sometimes erotic, much like a sports player is sometimes aroused by the game (or so I have read). I think envisioning three or four categories of people as clodpated. There is to me a complete spectrum. Anyone who espouses the category theory is simply trying to separate themselves from others they see as undesirable, or challenging to their own self construct. "I am woman so a man cannot be the same as me", or "I am transsexual and those masculine cross dressers must come from a different lot". In trying to understand myself categories become a serious obstical to truth. I have known plenty of extremely hot and feminine self defined cross dressers and also some pretty masculine self defined transsexuals, So I believe all attempts to understand appearance in terms of catagory is pretty much huey. Here is where I find great truth in the notion that we emulate an appearance that we feel will best attract our desires. Just often our desires are not clear and so our appearance is undefined. Add to that the sum of our fears and it should not be surprising there is a spectrum of facets to our appearance and behavior. It is my contention that some of this is learned and some of this is gene and who we are is the combination of the two, existing as fixed for and infinitesimally small span of time. To worry about whether I am cross dresser or transsexual or heterosexual misplaced is to fall into the pit of desolate delusion. I will be buoyed for a moment thinking I have found myself, and then commence to torment myself trying to fit my actions into the category norm. I am an individual who has whiffed the fragrance of true self which lies beyond the walls of conformity. As conformity is an expedient for efficient productivity it is more a construct then a reality. A hologram of human endeavor aimed at survival and societal ease. I believe however that in truth any desire may be created (Witness the advertising industry). Because I like sweet cake should not preclude me from enjoying bitter beer, at least after the taste has been acquired. In the end who I am is who I decide I am. If I find a space that fits a society norm and I myself find comfort there for a moment, I will convince myself that this is my essence and hold to that notion for dear life. After all this affords a tremendous simplification to my existence. I have taken many gender identity tests and find myself placed halfway between feminine and masculine. Ha so I am perfectly balanced. But then too finding those pidgin holes of societal conformity seem especially alluding. But then dawns the realization that I reflect complexity and non conformity because that is what at this time most rocks my boat and what hopefully will create the most growth in my understanding of myself. So when I let go and follow the song I feel empowered but always in the back of my mind I know it is no different in the end from choosing white sox or black. Be you, then when that looses its luster be the new you, then you again. A house of sticks with three bedrooms or four, what does your heart desire?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-75428521064071874562014-08-23T21:02:56.456-07:002014-08-23T21:02:56.456-07:00On April 20, 2010 at 1:58 AM, Monty wrote:
Second...On April 20, 2010 at 1:58 AM, Monty wrote:<br /><br /><i>Secondly, the thing is that just because I am feminine, some consider me to be "weaker" somehow. The old perceptions regarding superiority of masculinity still looms at large. They might not call me a pervert fetishist but surely I am considered weaker and more emotional somehow, a thing which is derogatory and negative in itself.</i><br /><br />I would recommend to you <i>The Female of the Species</i> by Rudyard Kipling, to be read each evening, followed by meditation and a good night's sleep, for a week. Modern feminists dismiss it because they don't want anyone to recognize the wisdom it contains. Its truth, however, is borne out constantly by everyday events, and more so in the past 100 years than ever before.<br /><br />Many a foolish man has come to grief by underestimating the strength and power of women. The old perceptions come from the fact that men (on average) have superior upper-body strength, and by equating the receptivity of female sexuality (and sometimes temperament) with <i>passivity.</i> Smart women, however, have their own ways of fighting--ways that play to their strengths, and that tend to neutralize the physical strength of men. TG fiction is full of insight on it:<br /><br /><i>"Look, Leslie, you yourself pointed out a woman's weakness. You need to turn that weakness into your advantage. You are still holding to the male philosophy of combat."<br /><br />"Combat is combat! You fight, the better opponent wins," Leslie replied.<br /><br />"The male fights primarily by intimidation--he postures and exaggerates his imposing size. He displays his weapons, such as his guns and his knifes. His philosophy and attitude is to drive or frighten away potential opponents. Only the occasional fool or the strong 'warrior type' who thinks that he may be able to overpower his adversary would dare attack in the first place. To a male, fighting is a mixture of 'repelling force' and aggression.<br /><br />"A woman, on the other hand, attempts to draw her opponents inward, rather than frighten them away. Her sexual attraction and appearance of vulnerability both work together to that effect. Both aspects should be emphasized. No intimidating or provocative weapons, such as the knife, should be visible. You draw in an opponent and present no threat. He then has no reason to feel a need to defend himself. By the time you slip the shiv under his ribcage and skewer his heart, it is too late for him to react. Much stronger opponents can be easily vanquished that way."</i><br /><br />As a small male (5' 4") of somewhat gentle temperament, I have had to adopt some of the tactics that women use to turn conflict in their favor. I have used them to stymie men more than twice my size, and women who could have had me arrested or thrown out if I had resorted to men's tactics. I can say from experience there is tremendous power in the feminine for those who know how to wield it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-48100284946382533352014-08-23T19:33:19.199-07:002014-08-23T19:33:19.199-07:00Part 2
Many women recognize the ridicule inherent...Part 2<br /><br />Many women recognize the ridicule inherent in camp on at least an intuitive level, and often become at least irritated at it, if not outright resentful. I have also come to understand that the same women see many crossdressers as caricatures, and again express anger and resentment as a result of feeling trivialized or ridiculed.<br /><br />Like many of us, I went through what I like to call a "party dress" phase (for some of us, it is not just a phase), reminiscent of those lace, tull, and crinoline confections adored by little girls (or at least by their mothers). Women do not seem to understand that we never had the young girl experience (we didn't get to sleepover parties either, and maybe got banished from the house when our sisters hosted them), so we are making up for lost time. Instead, women see us as creating a fantasy world that has everything to do with the outward appearance of being female, and little to do with the reality. Their scorn is palpable.<br /><br />I have used Halloween as an opportunity to wear my gaudy (adult) party dresses to the psychotherapeutic day programs I used to attend, occasionally met with the hostility of women who felt me to be a caricature (and wanted to point out that being female is by no means a bowl of cherries), and later heard myself referred to as "That transvestite!" (But one or two of the male staff laughed their faces off, remarking on what they thought was well-placed comedy.) When I invited two female friends from one program to my apartment for dinner, I made the mistake of wearing a somewhat trashy mini-dress (low-cut bodice of stretch PVC, skirt of cheap imitation satin and tulle), and of showing them a video of <i>Les Ballets.</i> One of my friends expressed her irritation by pointing out that it is not easy to be a woman, which I eventually came to understand as an expression of feeling trivialized.<br /><br />I did not understand what these women had been trying to tell me immediately, it took a long time and lots of thought before I finally got it. But get it I did, and kept it in mind as I prepared for my last Halloween at a day program. I found myself dressed similarly to the female staff, who discussed my outfit as women will, and approved it as tastefully expressive of the holiday mood and definitely not over the top. I was generally welcomed and accepted by the women, and rattled a few of the guys down to their eye teeth, because they recognized an authentic expression of feminine energy, which is not supposed to emanate from a guy. For a brief time I was welcomed into the Sisterhood, which I have to tell you was the highest most almighty high.<br /><br />I hope this last experience helps to underscore the difference between an authentic expression of femininity, and "camp," which is a satiric caricature of femininity. Though not intentionally campy, my earlier Halloween costumes (and dinner dress) were too over-the-top to be taken seriously, so they were seen as a bit of fun by some people, naive and ridiculous fantasy by others, and caricature by still others. On my last trip out, the fact that I was well within the bounds of what women would do in the circumstances was evidenced by how well I fit in with the women who were doing it. The people in that program had heard me talk about my gender issues for months; on seeing me and feeling my energy that day, they could not mistake my seriousness, and their response to me was <i>profoundly</i> different from those of my previous experiences.<br /><br />Thanks for listening.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-11013150840109290832014-08-23T19:21:15.660-07:002014-08-23T19:21:15.660-07:00My comment is lengthy, so I have to split it into ...My comment is lengthy, so I have to split it into two parts for the blog to accept it. I hope you find it worth reading.<br /><br />Part 1<br /><br />I think Natalie's use of the word "camp" to refer to feminine traits and behavior in males is creating confusion in this discussion, especially when "camp" is compared to the femininity expressed by women: they are not at all the same. "Camp," as a concept developed by and steeped in gay culture, is not helpful in a discussion about whether transgendered males have a feminine side that is closer to being fully developed than that of the average guy.<br /><br />The book, <i>Mother Camp: Female Impersonators in America,</i> is a study camp as a primary underpinning of drag queen culture in particular, and gay culture in general. As an example of camp, this passage from the book has stayed with me for years:<br /><br /><i>In a small homosexual bar in Chicago, I saw a young white homosexual do a burlesque imitation with no props at all. He was wearing light eye-makeup, slacks, and a red and black ski sweater. He was sitting on a bar stool at the end of the bar when the band began to play a burlesque type song. He pulled his legs up onto the stool, so that his feet were resting on the seat and his knees were pulled up to his chest <b>underneath</b> the sweater and slightly apart. This created a strong suggestion of two large and pendulous breasts. By moving these "breasts" in time to the burlesque music, he imitated the unmistakeable movements of a stripper. Those sitting around the bar laughed and clapped, encouraging the young man to greater efforts. The female impersonator sitting next to me said, "Watch what that queen [the young man] does. That is fine camp."</i><br /><br />In her preface, Esther Newton, the author of <i>Mother Camp,</i> describes "camp" as the sort of self-deprecating counterculture survival humor that people under fire develop to cope with life in a hostile environment. But clearly from this example, it is more than that: <i>it is deliberate satirical caricature, aimed squarely at women.</i><br /><br />In gay culture, there are different sorts, or "grades" of camp. Perhaps the finest example of "high camp" to be found in the West is the ballet troupe, <i>Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo.</i> Their biting satire targets the entire "haute" culture surrounding ballet, but especially focuses with laser-like intensity on the "prima donna" ballerina as the very worst manifestation of female narcissism. True to genuine gay camp, they also include a measure of self-deprecating humor, such as in their signature performance of <i>Swan Lake,</i> where Odette's performer responds to Siegfried's proclamations of love by taking a peek under his tutu to make sure of his anatomy.<br /><br />End part 1Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-22855547246842081302012-03-20T00:29:20.616-07:002012-03-20T00:29:20.616-07:00@Usha
Allow me some speculation here:
My basic p...@Usha<br /><br />Allow me some speculation here:<br /><br />My basic premise is this: We all want to be loved and seen for whom we are. Kids automatically look for affirmation from their parents and playmates.<br /><br />Still, human beings, including kids, can be very violent, and when it comes to physical violence men have the upper hand. <br /><br />Some societies therefore develop a cultural division of labor between the sexes where men fight and women nurture. Best case scenario: Men are encouraged to serve and protect. Worst case scenario: Men are allowed to rape and pillage.<br /><br />There will always be men who act in the way you describe. They thrive in war and they thrive in societies that suppress women. The rest of the menfolk will have to cope with these men. They therefore adopt the stereotyped behavior as their own. On the inside, though, they may long for something else.<br /><br />I had a friend once who trawled the club and the discos every weekend, chatting up girls. To others he might have looked like the stereotypical man looking for sex only. I knew him well. What he really was looking for was a wife. He wanted kids and a family. Indeed, when he did find the love of his life, he settled down.<br /><br />I believe many men are run by fear of humiliation. This is why so many male to female crossdreamers end up in the military. Questioning their malehood, they overcompensate, going to the other extreme. It is a true tragedy.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-30489127990576223242012-03-19T11:45:23.038-07:002012-03-19T11:45:23.038-07:00@Jack,
Okay if men have always loved women as love...@Jack,<br />Okay if men have always loved women as lovers and as friends, how can you explain why our society is misogynistic at the same time?<br />I believe that is a contradiction I am dealing with right now.Ushanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-10956046125434733802012-03-19T06:44:40.134-07:002012-03-19T06:44:40.134-07:00@Usha,
"Why is it that in our culture, manly...@Usha,<br /><br />"Why is it that in our culture, manly real men are expected at all to have "budding love" for girls?<br />Isn't the knight falling in love with the damsel in distress a social myth created by fables and fantasy fictions, rather than any kind of reality?"<br /><br />Men has always loved women, as lovers and as friends. I believe I have ample proof of this, in writings from antiquity and other cultures. Men fall in love and men feel attachment to their spouses and their families. <br /><br />Whether "more masculine" men are more likely to use women for pleasure, I do not know. If you define being manly in such a way, it becomes a tautology.<br /><br />As for truly romantic love, I believe you are right. The kind of infatuation you read about in romance novels, and where the man worships the woman as something divine, well, that was apparently invented in the 12th century in Europe. <br /><br />It seems to me that the troubadours of Provence transferred the mystical image of the souls yearning for God onto the relationship between man and woman. At that point in time Woman with capital W became a symbol for spiritual salvation for many men, and the union between man and woman was understood as some kind of spiritual fulfillment.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-73178415048213680052012-03-17T11:07:21.724-07:002012-03-17T11:07:21.724-07:00@Jack,
Why is it that in our culture, manly real m...@Jack,<br />Why is it that in our culture, manly real men are expected at all to have "budding love" for girls?<br />Isn't the knight falling in love with the damsel in distress a social myth created by fables and fantasy fictions, rather than any kind of reality?<br />As per my experience,it seems the more manly a man is, the more likely he is to just be using women for simply sexual reasons.Ushanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-15864982418267718242012-02-28T08:19:58.093-08:002012-02-28T08:19:58.093-08:00@Jack,
"My experience, however, is that I am ...@Jack,<br />"My experience, however, is that I am wired for attraction to the female physical traits, not only for the femininity itself, but for the shape of the female body."<br /><br />This is interesting to me as a polyamorous but asexual biromantic individual!<br />I am ASEXUAL in the sense of having no attraction to people in physical sense. I cannot make out who is more attractive based on their physical attributes.<br />I don't look at naked men or women. Neither turns me on.<br />However, I look for qualities based on which I judge attractiveness of an individual. I admire people of both sexes based on their minds and inner qualities and have had fantasies of being in emotional relations with them. I desire sex through emotions and romance so I was confused.<br />Perhaps there are also many heterosexuals who are biromantic and homosexuals who are heteroromantic, making things very confusing in the field of sexual and affectional orientations.Robnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-78736013257234082552012-02-28T04:55:14.628-08:002012-02-28T04:55:14.628-08:00@Rob
"I asked this question since you like m...@Rob<br /><br />"I asked this question since you like most men sound highly homophobic. In some other post,you mentioned that men are unattractive as men are ugly, hairy etc."<br /><br />I have to be more careful about how I phrase things. <br /><br />There is a difference between men <i>being</i> unattractive objectively speaking and me finding them unattractive in a sexual sense. <br /><br />I actually have a lot of gay male friends, and two of my closest friends are homosexual. <br /><br />My experience, however, is that I am wired for attraction to the female physical traits, not only for the femininity itself, but for the shape of the female body. <br /><br />When I am with my gay male friends, I can watch the difference in real time. <br /><br />Their eyes are drawn to the beautiful and attractive men in the room. I am mesmerized by the curves of the women. <br /><br />When I go down a street I notice the women, and hardly ever remember the men.<br /><br />Again: This may be a result of cultural conditioning, but it feels like something more.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-19962405189826171362012-02-28T03:34:33.612-08:002012-02-28T03:34:33.612-08:00I asked this question since you like most men soun...I asked this question since you like most men sound highly homophobic. In some other post,you mentioned that men are unattractive as men are ugly, hairy etc.<br />But, then what you say applies to some men, not all.<br />Many men can be as high gloss and fashionable as women, some even more so.<br />If you find yourself admiring women only because they are highly fashionable and self-maintenance type, you need to do a rethink. Women are culturally conditioned to be high-maintenance. Many men are naturally high maintenance.Robnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-41433314119268234352012-02-28T01:57:23.943-08:002012-02-28T01:57:23.943-08:00Rob said...
"Are you sure you have no attrac...Rob said...<br /><br />"Are you sure you have no attraction to men at all? You must be lying if you say you have never once had sexual fantasy of a man."<br /><br />Good question!<br /><br />Among gynephilic male to female crossdreamers the fantasy of being taken by a man is common. <br /><br />(The opposite seems to be less common among androphilic female to male crossdreamers, but they may also dream of taking a "faceless" woman.)<br /><br />This also applies to me.<br /><br />Ray Blanchard is wrong about a lot of thing, but in this he is right: For most male to female crossdreamers any male sex fantasy partner will also be "faceless". They are not concrete men, friends of movie start, they are rather abstract men -- props in the fantasy.<br /><br />Blanchard takes this as a proof of perversion. For me it is more like a sensible solution to a very complicated dilemma: To be affirmed as a woman in our cultural context it to be desired by a man. Furthermore: If I am right about many -- if not most -- M2F crossdreamers having a receptive sexual instinct (a desire to be the bottom), there is the need for penetration. That is not a role that is normally assigned to a woman partner in our culture, although in real life it may happen (cf my post about <a href="http://www.crossdreamers.com/2012/02/kama-sutra-and-transgender.html" rel="nofollow">the Kama Sutra).</a>.<br /><br />So yes, M2F crossdreamers may dream of having sex with a man. Their sexual attraction may still be oriented towards women exclusively.<br /><br />But does that mean that sexual attraction towards men and women is mutually exclusive? That there are no bisexuals?<br /><br />There are certainly a lot of bisexual men and women. I do not count myself among them, as my fascination is for women, but I am not going to claim that any attraction to men is absolutely impossible. <br /><br />The reason I am saying this is because I have experienced the power of repression and conditioning. Males are forbidden as love objects, so I -- like most gynephilic men -- suppress any fascination I might have for a man.<br /><br />Although most men for me are unattractive, I can see that some are not. But that does not in general terms make me bisexual.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-13492098288917305562012-02-27T11:53:25.138-08:002012-02-27T11:53:25.138-08:00@Jack Molay:
Are you sure you have no attraction t...@Jack Molay:<br />Are you sure you have no attraction to men at all?<br />You must be lying if you say you have never once had sexual fantasy of a man.Robnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-26457899326540648452011-05-09T13:26:14.828-07:002011-05-09T13:26:14.828-07:00@ wxhluyp
Could you elaborate on that. Have you ...@ wxhluyp <br /><br />Could you elaborate on that. Have you experienced such a trauma?<br /><br />JackJack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-47722692163893701422011-05-04T17:22:54.012-07:002011-05-04T17:22:54.012-07:00I think autogynephilia is a result of trauma, wher...I think autogynephilia is a result of trauma, where the sense of emasculation is not necessarily dependant on a pre-existing engrained femininitywxhluyphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17997134183477787458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-23106987913822049622011-03-04T07:26:28.324-08:002011-03-04T07:26:28.324-08:00I am quite happy that you have written this type o...I am quite happy that you have written this type of an article.<br />It has for the first time brought to a clear perspective what I really want and what my true identity is.<br />For years I felt I was strongly a feminine bisexual male but I could not really figure out what was wrong with me. I seem to have two types of sexualities inside me- the gay one with men and a lesbian one with women.<br />I get very emotional with women, I like to show affection and love ONLY to women. Even straight men are more affectionate to other men than I could ever. I don't seem to like men at all, but I have a lot of both kinky and emotional fetishes with respect to men doing it to me. I like a man to be the dominant partner and treat me like a desirable feminine person with full passion though I myself don't get active desire towards him.<br />I just like to lie there and get all the action done to me.<br />I also have never liked to date women, ever, because I feel I would be seen as a man, which I don't like. But the moment I imagine myself as just another girl with a girl, I get highly kinky and enjoy being one of the females.Tomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-69207403333272011752011-01-28T05:46:55.665-08:002011-01-28T05:46:55.665-08:00Just bookmarked your page. Its nice to see there a...Just bookmarked your page. Its nice to see there are others out there that understand that just because you don't fall into the classic definition of a transsexual,doesn't mean that your a man in a dress. I will definitely contribute more here when I get a chance.<br /><br />AmyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-48224265319346399102010-10-02T15:49:17.299-07:002010-10-02T15:49:17.299-07:00I'm an autogynephiliac and I remember at least...I'm an autogynephiliac and I remember at least 2 dreams from no later than 8-9 years of age and they were always accompanied by the "fuzzy feeling". I wouldn't like to place too much emphasis on on either nature/nurture as its impossible for me to trace whether my emasculation trauma resulted from an innate femininity or more abstractly.wxhluypnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-66494392192333408682010-06-07T05:03:04.522-07:002010-06-07T05:03:04.522-07:00@Dutch
You say that your sexuality is "bifur...@Dutch<br /><br />You say that your sexuality is "bifurcated". That's a good term, I think, and it shows that this is not necessarily about being bisexual, but something else.<br /><br />Your story about getting very close to transitioning and then backing off, is somewhat similar to my own. Admittedly I have never seriously considered transitioning, but there was a point where I was so overwhelmed by these feelings that I felt I had come to a point of no return. <br /><br />That made me start this blog and the journey towards a better understanding of myself and others like us.<br /><br />This is why I think we have to be open about this. We need to make our decisions based on true insight into what makes us tick, and denying or suppressing sexual feelings and dreams of womanhood does not engender such insight.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-54588709236566619002010-06-06T20:13:30.547-07:002010-06-06T20:13:30.547-07:00...(continued from previous comment)
I have to sa......(continued from previous comment)<br /><br />I have to say all this talk of "gay" and "camp" genes is pseudoscience. But it's valuable to speculate on. Her argument seems to devote a whole lot of power to sexual orientation at a very early age, as per the social learning/adoption of outward femininity. I just don't see a justification for that.<br /><br />One last thought I wanted to share - I've always felt like my sexuality is bifurcated. There are more traditional heterosexual fantasies from a male perspective, and then there are the autogynophilic ones. Over the years there's been an ebb and flow, although I'll confess the latter have grown to more or less dominate my fantasy life. Still though, I can enjoy "normal" fantasies - but what's odd to me, is they simply feel "separate," and my attempts to find an amalgam always fail. I mention this in part because the definition of autogynophilia refers to it as arising beside, or as a corollary to, traditional heterosexual-male fantasies. Yet wouldn't that confess a chink in the object location error theory? If I'm able to have "normal" fantasies, how could the simultaneously arising (but distinct) AGP ones represent a fundamental "mistake." For me I REMEMBER the first time I indulged in a full tilt AGP fantasy. It was about two months after I discovered tossing off, and it actually OCCURED to me, "hey, I could envision myself as the girl..." I did so, and it was wonderful. It was like this crazy luxury that I'd stumbled onto. Hence began the ebb and flow, brought about by genuine tides in motivation, along with a healthy dose of shame. (Or, maybe I should say "unhealthy"...)<br /><br />Sorry for such a long comment! Thanks so much for addressing these issues head-on in a public forum.<br /><br />(I'll take my answer off the air.)Dutchnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-90815470508119746972010-06-06T20:10:22.079-07:002010-06-06T20:10:22.079-07:00Having stumbled onto your blog this rainy Sunday (...Having stumbled onto your blog this rainy Sunday (when I'm supposed to be doing Calculus homework) I will probably comment on a couple of posts but this is the first one that aggressively called for my 2-cents.<br /><br />I identify as an "autogynephiliac," or "autogynephile" as it were. For me, the gender issue has reared itself about once every year or so since I can recall - I have my fantasies, but I go about my daily life content enough to be a man. Then something will trigger an intensification that peaks as a few weeks of actual dysphoria. Each episode results in major introspection and research. And then, it simply fades back to business as usual.<br /><br />About two years ago I had major breakthroughs in my understanding of all of this, largely due to: A) discovering the concept of "autogynephilia," B) admitting to myself that transitioning/SRS was to some event, very appealing to me. I even made a preliminary decision to begin the process... And then that's when a new sort of dysphoria began to develop. The dysphoria of "being out of my depths," of committing too much of myself, prospectively all of myself, to a female identification. It just wasn't all of me, or even most (or at least not enough, I guess). Before I knew it, the crisis had faded, and I was back to my status quo - but a little wiser this time. A lot wiser actually. Coming face to face with the option of "transition" was very frightening but absolutely essential for gaining real self-knowledge about how I feel (in all those endless, complicated ways that we "feel" about these things.)<br /><br />For me it was puberty when it came out. I remember wistful day-dreaming before that, but nothing consistent, and nothing coherent. If I felt that way, then I didn't "know" that I felt that way. And I liked the mellow version of being a boy that I'd staked my claim on. When I played Star Wars with friends, I wanted to be Luke. I eagerly collected GIJoes and HotWheels. I was encouraged to be nerdy, to read books, to have female friends if I wanted them. I was geeky, but I wasn't feminine. (There's a subtle distinction.)<br /><br />Yet, as a person and as an adult I have all those qualities you've alluded to in certain posts here - a conspicuous TOTAL lack of interest in professional sports (in fact I can't even comprehend being into them), I'm emotionally sensitive in general and to others feelings/perspectives in particular, and I'm usually more comfortable hanging out with groups of women than men. Women pick up on this - there's that intuitive rapport, and countless remarks have been made in all female settings about me "not counting" as a man, or being "practically a girl" (whenever the conversation strays into topics wherein someone feels the need to remind everyone that a man is still present). And I'm really good at picking out colors and clothes!, even though I've done next to zero crossdressing. Old girlfriends have often consulted ME on questions of fashion, which is just funny, because it's not an official preoccupation of mine, I just have good taste (and admittedly love a nice garment/outfit as a thing of beauty in and of itself). <br /><br />Sometimes this all seems like clues to a true hidden womanhood!, and sometimes it seems like the worst kind of red-herring, (or the best kind, depending on the answer I'm looking for at the moment). Because I'm lying to myself if I try to deny that I'm male in so many ways. To objectively read myself as a "woman" requires the most polarized of lenses. Point is? These matters are, as you say, not only a continuum phenomenon, but many continuum phenomena layered one on top of the other. Confusing!, but hopefully, in some ways rewarding. (continued next comment...)Dutchnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-21689079074039308122010-04-26T08:57:34.379-07:002010-04-26T08:57:34.379-07:00I can say that in many respects, Bailey was right ...I can say that in many respects, Bailey was right about this "innate femininity mixed with some masculinity" concept when he discussed about gay men in his "The Man Who would be Queen" book. Much of the concept of crosssexualism can be got through his book.<br />As a feminine bisexual man, I can say, he described a person of exactly my type.As the typical feminine bisexual man, I was able to identify with most of the traits Bailey described. However, the problem is that, he took cases of people like me too far to make me equal to a transsexual.<br />He firstly confused the feminine gay men with heterosexual transsexual women (I dont call them homosexual transsexuals as he mentions), and secondly, he thought that AGPs are similar to macho men who have got an error in target location.<br />His biggest mistake was that he got his target groups wrong and all mixed up just because of one variant attribute,ie.,sexual orientation. He mixed up one group with the other taking the issue of gender and sexuality as a black-and-white thing(either a straight masculine man=a pitcher/desirer of submissive women or a feminime gay man=homosexual transsexual woman).<br />But what I have learnt from various articles of modern LGBT science is that human mental gender identity covers a wide spectrum and it is definitely not prudent to fit someone into a "box". Some may well fit into a box because their traits resemble the stereotype of male or female easily. Which is what happens with the classic transsexuals with high GID symptoms from early childhood.<br />But who said that they are the only ones on this planet to feel different from other members of their sex? There are more people in fact who have an awkward mix of traits.<br />My example->there are times when I have felt as feminine as a transsexual woman, but, definitely, not with respect to female anatomy or physical gender. My brain is comfortable with a male anatomy but my brain prefers a full feminine gender expression in other respects. Which by Bailey's observations,makes me equal to a transsexual woman, but by more recent transgender concepts makes me a feminine man.<br />And the same might be with the AGP man too. There are AGPs who feel totally female, while some are mixed up like me. Some are straight, some are bi, some are sexually fluid.<br />If researchers like Bailey appreciated this issue of gender-spectrum without applying stereotype binary definitions of what constitutes male and female, there could have been less confusions in this field and perhaps more appreciation of gender-variance in society.Kennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-47244686020315854252010-04-21T00:13:41.964-07:002010-04-21T00:13:41.964-07:00Thank you! This is a very useful summary of releva...Thank you! This is a very useful summary of relevant research. I have put it up in the resource section.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-77894819956902234342010-04-20T12:21:33.654-07:002010-04-20T12:21:33.654-07:00Jack,
Yes, I agree with you on this.
I got a ver...Jack,<br />Yes, I agree with you on this. <br /><br />I got a very interesting article which mostly supports the innate femininity theory (or innate masculinity theory for women).<br /><br />http://ts-si.org/files/MDiamondClinImpOrgActHormones.pdf<br /><br />Dr. Diamond clearly mentions here that we never choose our ways. We grow up observing several things. We pick up those for ourselves which define us and tend to reject those which don't.<br />So, even the metro guy or male lesbian who is rejecting many masculine roles isn't doing it to just protest against traditional macho roles and project someone being a liberal modernist,considering that many men don't at all feel like being that desperate at all!<br />There is something innate in our genes which makes it happen much similar to why a boy suddenly starts liking to wear more of female clothes at age 3 or a girl wishes to play with trucks and climb trees or be the house daddy.<br />Please do read it, it is quite insightful.Montynoreply@blogger.com