tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post3161447157856710190..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: Childhood crossdreamersSally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-28799671734170661982019-01-29T21:26:10.966-08:002019-01-29T21:26:10.966-08:00I'm late to the party here, but here goes.
I...I'm late to the party here, but here goes. <br /><br />I too first ran into this around 6-7 years of age. I was in a play and part of the costume was a pair of girl's tights. I liked that and made me long to wear girl's clothes -- after all they can wear "boy's clothes" so what gives? This led to laundry and dresser raids trying on stockings, bras, panties, slips, and heels. I got caught once by my brother and he never (afaik) spoke of it. I found a book in parent's library that discussed sexuality and paging through it I found passages on transgenderism and sex change procedures. That piqued my interest.<br /><br />I played with dolls (both GI Joe and Raggedy Ann) but otherwise was "normal" playing pickup (American) football games in the neighborhood, baseball, etc. This first pre-pubescent phase I don't believe was sexual as I had little clue to any of that back then. <br /><br />The interest and fantasies around TS/TG went away until puberty when they came out of dormancy. Eventually I discovered how to "release the tension" and my mode almost from the start was to tuck and fantasize being a woman -- the idea of being in feminine garb was all I needed. I would rarely masturbate in the "normal" way. Normal catalogs and advertising were quite sufficient to help me out. Eventually sexual fantasies entered into the mix. Even now, I don't always need explicitness in my fantasies.<br /><br />Dressing would occur when circumstances permitted and my fist "acquisitions" were made in my college days rummaging through the lost and found at the laundromat and by purchasing nylons in far off grocery stores.<br /><br />That was a long time ago and it is all with me. I've learned not to purge as the urge to dress cycles and I may not touch my wardrobe for months at a time and then multiple times in a given month. When the urge comes back I'm glad the wardrobe is there and is usually a time of wardrobe expansion.<br /><br /><br />Maybe that pair of tights was just a bulldozer that cleared away the topsoil off of these impulses or maybe it was the seed? I can't say. However, I'm fairly well convinced that the whole thing that started it off was the costuming for that cub scout play I was in and that was definitely non-sexual.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-25076042937171270252012-02-05T04:42:21.752-08:002012-02-05T04:42:21.752-08:00@Mainak
"I have interviewed a lot of effemin...@Mainak<br /><br />"I have interviewed a lot of effeminate gay and bi males, who have had the same symptoms of 'autogynephilia'"<br /><br />I would love to hear more about this. Did you do this interviews as a researcher or a journalist, and is this material that is publicly available?<br /><br />If you cannot comment upon this here, please send me an email: jack.molay@gmail.comJack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-35631873434834919922012-02-04T00:01:29.124-08:002012-02-04T00:01:29.124-08:00I have interviewed a lot of effeminate gay and bi ...I have interviewed a lot of effeminate gay and bi males, who have had the same symptoms of 'autogynephilia'.Some sexualized it to express their homosexuality, some totally suppressed it to become bears and leather chaps, while few other live as part-time fairies.<br />This shatters the myth that AGP exists only in heterosexual crossdreamers and gynephilic trassexual women.<br />Autogynephilia is about love of the self as a female, which is only possible if one is atleast partially feminine inside.Mainaknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-26958160076978183912012-01-28T04:26:13.701-08:002012-01-28T04:26:13.701-08:00@Juanita
Yes, this rhymes with my own impression....@Juanita<br /><br />Yes, this rhymes with my own impression. There is something fundamental and basic that directs the sexual energy (or life force if you follow Jung) in a specific direction. <br /><br />That basic factor is probably biologically speaking very primitive. It is then shaped by the cultural and social context into effeminate expressions, crossdressing, crossdreaming or whatever. In other words: How to carry a handbag is cultural, sexual orientation and sex identity are more likely to be biological.<br /><br />Our main challenge is that no trait exists in a purely cultural or biological form. Even our brains are plastic, as it grown neurons according to what is needed for work and social activities!Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-64492763572665496152012-01-24T12:19:02.488-08:002012-01-24T12:19:02.488-08:00I also believe that sometimes the intensity of the...I also believe that sometimes the intensity of these feminine arousals can be controlled through either administration of female hormones or even SRS.<br />The end result might be a plain-jane rather than a sexually charged being the pre-op stage dealt with.<br />This is because male hormones can be a sore in the neck quite often, whether in a masculine male or an effeminate male,or a transwoman.Juanitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-45642358660594332672012-01-24T12:13:28.728-08:002012-01-24T12:13:28.728-08:00Autogynephilia is not some kind of 'alternate ...Autogynephilia is not some kind of 'alternate sexuality'.<br />In any case, sexuality of any type, unless explicitly about lust, is much more than simply craving the body or wanting to have wild sex.<br />When psychosexual thories are dealt with, we come to know that sexuality is also about very powerful emotions,it is about libido and libidinal energy and power.<br />This libidinal energy,as formulated by Freud,comes right from inside the human psyche and is an emblem of the rich inner emotional feelings underneath. Libidinal high actually occurs due to a complex interaction of various hormones such as dopamine, ocytocin, prolactin etc and these hormones are fired by the underlying neurology of our system at certain moments such as being on some emotional high.Needless to say then that our libidinal energy arises from our rich and complex emotions and produce a heightened version of our natural being or temperament.<br />Which is also the reason why romantic love and sexuality are often intertwined in our cultures.<br />If emotions were separate from sex,romantic love and emotions wouldn't have been considered aligned with sexuality.<br />I recalled a gay boy saying to me recently that before adolescence,long before he got sexually drawn to men,he had heightened emotional sensitivities to male affections. He used to feel an emotional high when a male gave him attention or was very close to him emotionally. He had felt this way ever since age 7 or so even if he was asexual then. However, after puberty, this same emotional high feeling also culminated into sexual high,an enlarged penis and a resulting gay oriented sexuality.<br />In a similar way, if the inner psyche already was female, the libidinal force that produces sexual high in adolescence would enhance the feminine flamboyance and it would then appear as if the sexuality is causing the person to become effeminate rather than vice-versa.<br />On careful analysis however, it would become certain that sexuality cannot produce anything new. Sexuality being a product of libidinal energy, can only lead to flamboyance/intensity and energy highs,but cannot control the direction of our gender traits as well as other characteristics like sexuality.<br />If a heightened sense of sexual arousal leads to enhanced effeminacy, it is only likely that the natural state of the person was already wired feminine, either fully or partially.<br />Which is why AGP reflects an underlying female psyche wired in a male physique,and as a transwoman who had 'AGP' fantasies in early adolescence, I reject the Anne Lawrence concept of AGP being a misdirected sexuality.I have come to believe through my own experiences that AGP is not causing any misdirection of emotional needs,it enhances an already present emotional characteristic,much like it does for gay boys.<br />I always had a love of things that are feminine, even in early childhood.I loved long hair, feminine beauty and also gorgeous dresses. A high libidinal force occurred after puberty,which eventually enhanced these already present natural longings.Juanitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-194927773818567172011-01-13T01:17:48.210-08:002011-01-13T01:17:48.210-08:00"Why is it OK for little girls to have penis ..."Why is it OK for little girls to have penis envy, but it's not OK for little boys to have vagina envy?"<br /><br />This is a very interesting point. Freud definitely felt that girls had to get beyond their penis envy (going from clitoral to vaginal orgasms!), but nevertheless believed that penis envy was an obligatory and natural part of a woman's psychological development.<br /><br />We are talking about some deep cultural prejudices here. In pre-modern Europe, men were signified by having an excess of fire or heat. Women were defined by having a lack of heat. <br /><br />Apart from this the two sexes were considered to be the same. Add heat to a woman and she may get a penis. But you cannot substract heat from a man to get a woman. You cannot go from being to non-being.<br /><br />The reason for this -- i believe -- is that both in renaissance Europe, as in much of modern biological science -- being a man is defines as something being present (heat, aggressiveness, intellect, hunting skills), while women are defined by absence of the same (lack of heat, passiveness, non-intellect - i.e. emotional --, being the passive prey of man). <br /><br />This presence and absence is symbolized by the penis (which is visible) and the vagina (which is hidden). <br /><br />To feel penis envy is to be envious of being something, which makes sense in this narrative. For a man get a vagina is to become less than what he already is, and that does not make sense in this context.<br /><br />There are cultural and religious settings where the penis (lingam) and the vagina (yoni) are considered equal. In these settings the hidden room of the vagina is considered the sacred space of becoming and birth, i.e. the vagina is creation, not the absence of being.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-27894281886099999612011-01-12T11:11:24.988-08:002011-01-12T11:11:24.988-08:00"How could a boy possibly be envious of a vag..."How could a boy possibly be envious of a vagina?" <br /><br />Ironically, the same culture will also demand men liking vagina or else be relegated as gay?:DJamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-59337776651940461242011-01-12T06:08:37.319-08:002011-01-12T06:08:37.319-08:00Why is it OK for little girls to have penis envy, ...Why is it OK for little girls to have penis envy, but it's not OK for little boys to have vagina envy? If a girl says that she wants to be a boy, nobody bats an eyelid, penis envy is considered to be normal and expected for girls. But vagina envy is different. It's like they won't even admit that vagina envy even exists. How could a boy possibly be envious of a vagina? <br /><br />Instead of just admitting that vagina envy exists, they'll come up with all sorts of other terms like "paraphilias", "autogynephillia", "Crossdreaming" etc. At the end of the day, it comes down to having vagina envy as a little boy and not growing out of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-22097891247438681562010-12-14T04:05:16.174-08:002010-12-14T04:05:16.174-08:00@Anonymous: "I have come to a peacefull accep...@Anonymous: "I have come to a peacefull acceptance of myself and live half my life as a female. I have been married for 30 years and have 2 sons who feel blessed to have a strong role model."<br /><br />It would be very interesting to know how you managed to reach this point in your journey.<br /><br />JackJack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-11634311735889333572010-12-13T10:46:46.116-08:002010-12-13T10:46:46.116-08:00I am 60 years old, retired surgeon, artist and tra...I am 60 years old, retired surgeon, artist and transgendered. I am autogynophilic. Some of my earliest memories are of wanting to be feminine and of crossdressing. I exhibited both very masculine and very feminine sides as a prepubertal child. I was very excited by the idea of being feminine and in puberty that excitement was inevitably and inextricably linked to my sexuality. I believe this is a common path to crossdreaming. Childhood transexual desire become sexualized with the onset off the hormonal storms of puberty. I am not attracted to males. I have come to a peacefull acceptance of myself and live half my life as a female. I have been married for 30 years and have 2 sons who feel blessed to have a strong role model.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-8292067135907108782010-11-30T22:02:31.924-08:002010-11-30T22:02:31.924-08:00My theory is that autogynephiles are nerdy people,...My theory is that autogynephiles are nerdy people, so they like solo activities such as drawing and video games rather than group activities such as sports and hanging out.<br /><br />Autogynephiles appear feminine, but in reality, they are just nerds. Nerds, in general, do more "feminine" activities than regular people, so they are often misconceived as "feminine" when they're just nerds.<br /><br />I don't think the term "autogynephile" is a good term. Autogynephiles aren't necessarily attracted to wearing women's clothing. Rather, they're attracted to restrictive and submissive clothing, as not all women's clothing are equally restrictive and submissive. For instance, I bet most autogynephiles will be turned on by the wearing elbow pads and knee pads that you wear when you rollerskate. I also bet that they well also be turned on if they wear bracelets and tight clothing, because they are restrictive to your body's freedom. So it's not necessarily female clothing that turns them on, but protective and restrictive clothing which is common in female fashion.<br /><br />I used to have autogynephilia, but as I realized that women aren't attracted to submissive, helpless, and weak men, my autogynephilic desires diminished greatly. I guess that nerds are prone to autogynephilia because of their misconceptions of a women's mating preferences. Learning more social skills may "cure" autogynephilia to some extent.<br /><br />I have so many ideas that I might seriously start a blog about the anatomy of sexual fetishisms including pantyhose fetish, the misconception that men like high-status women, the evolution of mating preferences, and the etiology of behavioral differences between men vs. women and high-status men vs. low-status men.3D Face Analysishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07002380940176488169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-56613574869491336162010-11-30T21:56:40.291-08:002010-11-30T21:56:40.291-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.3D Face Analysishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07002380940176488169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-62605125780793940692010-11-21T10:28:10.163-08:002010-11-21T10:28:10.163-08:00Autogyn
You hit on one of the things that has mos...Autogyn<br /><br />You hit on one of the things that has most concerned me with some of the current understanding of TG behavior as a sexual thing. <br /><br />Sex is such a powerful drug, that anything that becomes entangled with it can overwhelm the original reasons for indulging. It's no different from any other high. If you can get a high, especially given the pain being TG creates, why wouldn't you want to feel better doing what you do? Add in the number of genetic women who get a thrill dressing up nice... it's like they are fixated on the fact that it is sex rather than why sex has a value.<br /><br />Sorry, names Sean, I need a google accountAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-20724707954161671442010-11-17T09:19:10.982-08:002010-11-17T09:19:10.982-08:00It was pretty hard for me to re-read that. My pare...It was pretty hard for me to re-read that. My parents personalities haven't changed at all from what I remember as a child- and so we don't speak very often. <br /><br />Sorry I'm late to respond, but I want to say thanks for looking into childhood GID/AGP.<br /><br />Over the last couple of months, I have come come to terms with the fact that I am a transexual. It wasn't until I started digging into my childhood memories that I realized that I wanted to be female for a very long time- and well before puberty.<br /><br />Crossdreaming (sexual crossdreaming)/AGP has mostly clouded this ever since I've been sexually mature, but now I realize that without all of the lusty, erotic ideas- I'd still rather be a female more than a male.<br /><br />God I wish I could just make this all go away.<br /><br />But it seems like I'm just on step 2 or 3 of a long journey from here. It started out feeling bad because I got off on the idea of being female, since then I've figured out that theres a few names for this condition that I never knew about. Now I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm a transexual. And now I don't know what the hell is next.<br /><br />But, I'll keep you updated on my blog.Reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03498336225773993531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-59806983021608163972010-11-16T21:29:06.847-08:002010-11-16T21:29:06.847-08:00Christy,
Actually here in east Asia, you will find...Christy,<br />Actually here in east Asia, you will find that the word "faggot" here refers not to men who have sex with men, <br />but to the effeminate males. Similarly, dykes and in either case their sexual preferences hardly matter. There <br />used to be a very lean effeminate nelly boy here who used to be teased all along as gay. He was totally <br />heterosexual though. However the ones who teased him as gay themselves had sex with other guys but they did not consider<br />themselves faggots as they were masculine. :)Jamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-38868036863718563092010-11-16T12:09:40.445-08:002010-11-16T12:09:40.445-08:00The point of discrimination starts right from the ...<i>The point of discrimination starts right from the position of the gender spectrum where a male exhibits femininity more than the average male, and a woman exhibits manliness more than average female</i><br /><br />Ritch Savin-Williams, professor of developmental psychology and director of Cornell University's Sex and Gender Lab feels gender expression is the determining factor in school bullying:<br /><br />"First, middle schools can be tough places for youth who are 'different.' Bullies, however, seldom limit their attacks to gay youth. Research at Cornell's Sex and Gender Lab concludes that the life satisfaction of both straight and gay youth suffers if they behave in a gender 'inappropriate' manner (feminine boys, masculine girls). It is gender expression, not sexual orientation per se, that is linked with decreased psychological wellbeing, and this is likely the result of bullying."<br /><br />He also added:<br /><br />"It is important to point out in these moments of grief that there is absolutely no scientific evidence of an 'epidemic of gay youth suicide,' or even that gay youth kill themselves more frequently than do straight youth."<br /><br />I know it is non-PC to come out with this observation but it is believable from my perspective as a kid whose gender expression deviated from mean.<br /><br />I was bullied and called a faggot and even considered suicide because of the bullying and name calling. But I am not gay, I'm Trans.<br /><br />citation:<br />http://sify.com/news/no-scientific-evidence-of-gay-youth-suicide-epidemic-news-international-kkrpagjdcad.htmlBitterness Barbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15080082175885943270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-81663566135254875552010-11-16T09:40:04.941-08:002010-11-16T09:40:04.941-08:00Anonymous,
I totally agree with you on this. I do...Anonymous,<br /><br />I totally agree with you on this. I do know that transsexualism is not limited to only those who need surgery instantly.<br />But I do also know that many of us are not really identifying internally as opposite gender but still we want to feel like a opposite gender person sometimes. It is confusing but it is really the gist of the whole TG vs.TS conflict.<br />Surgery for a non TS person can be disastrous as much as no surgery for a TS can be.<br />There seems to be some factor X working in various degrees across different individuals in the TG spectrum that leads to manifestation of cross sex desires in diverse degrees. <br />There are many effeminate males who are more feminine than many females yet do not intend to transition.<br />Yet, at the same time there are lots of TS who started out as not so feminine but yet transition even before reaching adult age.Jamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-20179041354902218072010-11-16T07:49:41.786-08:002010-11-16T07:49:41.786-08:00James
Your comments illustrate to me the issue in...James<br /><br />Your comments illustrate to me the issue in getting the data. We have taken 'transsexual' and made it the exclusive property of those who never question their feelings or the difficulties of the life of medical intervention. Just delaying transition until you can do it in a way that preserves your financial well being is a sign that your not 'true'. An unquestioning belief in something foreign to the physical evidence and devotion to changing yourself without regard for consequences or quality of solution is worth studying, but that is not the same as studying gender variant behavior/identity.<br /><br />So what we get is folks answering studies trying to prove they are part of selected smaller camps rather than just giving accurate life stories. Are they a sexually normal male who just like to dress, are they a sexually normal woman who just has a birth defect, etc. Go look at the Harry Benjamin table, transsexual doesn't start with folks desperately in need of surgery. Changing transsexual into the exclusive term and creating TG for the rest is a large part of the internal strife in the community. It's an attempt to stigmatize another group so your group doesn't look so bad to the general public. Even though a lot of folks travel through both communities on their journey.<br /><br />If the research is focused on finding a way to find the real women and men in the TG community and separate them from the sexually deviant, we will never get to a better understanding of what makes up gender. We won't ever be able to separate cultural and self protective behaviors from what a person really prefers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-68020962862015950662010-11-16T07:01:55.986-08:002010-11-16T07:01:55.986-08:00Anonymous,
" If you acknowledge your male ana...Anonymous,<br />" If you acknowledge your male anatomy as being yours, your not TG. If you acknowledge that you desire to be female should be questioned, to make sure your otherwise sane, your not TG. If you acknowledge that you need to do a cost benefit analysis of living as male vs living as female, your not TG."<br /><br />You are 100% right if you just replace the term "TG" in the above para with "transsexual". For sure, a transsexual MTF seldom would doubt her inner gender identity because she knows her place in the scheme of things.<br />On the contrary,TG is a much broader umbrella term that refers to not just the transsexuals who are at the most extreme end, but to those who for various reasons exhibit an interest in cross-gender expressions. Feminine males (whether straight/gay/bi),butch women, crossdressers and even drag queens/kings are also TG and in my opinion,ignoring the basic biology of their inner psychotic mechanisms which make them deviate so strongly from their gender norms despite not identifying as the opposite gender totally,is incomplete science.<br />Afterall,I would like you to know that it is not only transsexuals who are discriminated against in society. The point of discrimination starts right from the position of the gender spectrum where a male exhibits femininity more than the average male, and a woman exhibits manliness more than average female. That is why the term TG has been so expanded by the LGBT community and to just confine it to transsexuals presents a totally incomplete picture of the whole scenario.<br />I have never identified gender wise as female but I am sissy in more ways than one, so much so, that I can easily see there is a strong difference between me and a manly man. I have also seen a lot of bisexual men and I am also bisexual. Yet, just looking at their persona, I perceive I am somehow different from them. So sexuality is not really the whole thing. It is gender orientation which predominates your whole lifestyle.Jamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-12675245112748311652010-11-15T02:01:31.867-08:002010-11-15T02:01:31.867-08:00I was about 3/4 years old when I first started to ...I was about 3/4 years old when I first started to have crossdreaming thoughts, which did at the time involve masturbation. I remember thinking that I was the only one in the world who had found this pleasure. When I hit puberty I found out what the word 'wanker' meant and I was shocked that I had been such a wanker all my life.Cheryl Sussexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02512809610979507630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-82001703933206364392010-11-14T18:47:33.618-08:002010-11-14T18:47:33.618-08:00I've seen in other places arguments that cross...I've seen in other places arguments that crossdreaming is sometimes manifested well before puberty and that this indicates that it is not a "paraphilia," but there has been something that troubled me about this argument: among people with fetishes, there is often a strong attachment to the kind of object/material well before puberty, and then sexual interest in it develops along with sexual desire. (There too, the situation seems to be that sometimes the interest well-precedes sexual desire, and sometimes it doesn't.)<br /><br />Of course, this isn't to say that I think that cross-dreaming is a "paraphilia." (I am sympathetic to the view that <a href="http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/BIB/paraphiliapre.htm" rel="nofollow">paraphilia is a pre-scientific concept</a>.)ACHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06643809450938135601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-78148443834138194152010-11-14T13:13:36.060-08:002010-11-14T13:13:36.060-08:00Jack-
I would appreciate it if you read my blog, ...Jack-<br /><br />I would appreciate it if you read my blog, http://emilysvirtualrocket.blogspot.com. The blog is a virtual compendium of articles from newspapers, newsweeklies, and magazines, both popular and scholarly. The articles have a viewpoint toward transgender / transsexual news. If you like it, please put <br />"Emily's virtual rocket "under the title commonly called <br />"Blogroll". Thank you so much!<br /><br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />ezsEmily Shorettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10271950981131095434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-72091408913440697222010-11-14T13:08:39.790-08:002010-11-14T13:08:39.790-08:00One of the flaws with all of the studies of cross ...One of the flaws with all of the studies of cross gendered issues is the lack of taking into account a persons ability see a duality of who they are in their head and who they are physically.<br /><br />A friend of mine and I have discussed this at length over the last two years. It's almost as if you have to be somewhat delusional to be considered TG. If you acknowledge your male anatomy as being yours, your not TG. If you acknowledge that you desire to be female should be questioned, to make sure your otherwise sane, your not TG. If you acknowledge that you need to do a cost benefit analysis of living as male vs living as female, your not TG.<br /><br />You screen out anyone who approaches this emotional issue and draw your samples only from folks who have already jumped off the cliff and started action. We have little or no data on those who thought about trans issues but did not pursue them in ANY way. If a person is willing to lie to advance/protect a status that will stigmatize them, how far would they be willing to go to defend their higher status normal position. How much would they lie to themselves, say about being 'just' gay, or just sensitive, or flat out deny feminine interests if they are androgynous. <br /><br />Why would anyone who CAN be straight and normative in gender (as an androgynous person could) not do everything possible to remain in their family, tribe, apparent gender. Especially as a child, when a simple raised eyebrow by a friend or authority figure or peer is often enough to dramatically change behavior?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-65263173646620532092010-11-14T08:43:15.760-08:002010-11-14T08:43:15.760-08:00I have a whole bunch of my childhood drawings and ...I have a whole bunch of my childhood drawings and toys and was definitely a kid who like GI Joe and spaceships that shot missiles that shot guns.<br /><br />I also remember a drawing I did in first or second grade of a werewolf holding a woman limp in his arms, blood streaming out of the corners of his mouth, saying...<br /><br />"I like to scare the girls..." <br /><br />Not very feminine of me.<br /><br />Yet I was the "sissy" of my male peer group. I wasn't good at object-oriented games and didn't do well with rough-and-tumble. But I was still accepted by the group and not an outcast and more importantly, I wanted to fit in with the boys. <br /><br />I remember talking about how it would be cool if there were a "war" between the boys and girls (this was 4th grade mind you). I also wished that I were better at object-oriented games; not so much out of enjoyment for the games but because it would allow me to fit in.<br /><br />In early puberty I enjoyed video games and playing dungeons and dragons and there was at least one female character I role-played. But she was always married to a male character I also role-played so I think she expressed my hopes and wishes for a girlfriend with those qualities more so than an expression of my feminine side.<br /><br />My desires for cross-gender expression were buried deep. The only place they were expressed was in my erotic life, which I also believe starts when we are very young. I recall getting erections as a child, but had no idea what it meant or what to do with it. That didn't come until puberty.<br /><br />Yet I had reactions to stimuli as a young child. In particular I remember getting erections while watching the damsel-in-distress trope played out in movies and tv. I can say almost for certain that I wanted to be the woman tied up. <br /><br />Later in adolescence, I wanted to be the "catcher"; not in a penetration sense but as having my female partner be the aggressive one; to have my legs around her instead of the other way. I also started seeing myself as female in my minds-eye during sex. This was of course the time period when I had my first real cross-gender expressions in the form of dressing as well.<br /><br />I had the pleasure of talking with Andrea James about this very thing and she feels that many of us, cross-gender expression is *impossible* due to variety of variables. So it shows up in our erotic life, she feels, because this is one of the few truly-private places we have as kids.Bitterness Barbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15080082175885943270noreply@blogger.com