tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post399299744702028458..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: Can marriage survive one partner transitioning?Sally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-43162555041643094342015-11-02T16:22:13.518-08:002015-11-02T16:22:13.518-08:00Three years have passed since the last comment. I ...Three years have passed since the last comment. I could be in the opposite situation, the one of Mary's husband. Any update? (I have not read all the blog, though; I may have missed it).Forestiernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-80513447170490335702012-08-06T20:30:41.366-07:002012-08-06T20:30:41.366-07:00"I ask for a glass of water and the waiters w..."I ask for a glass of water and the waiters want to argue amongst themselves as to what type of water it should be." ~Mary<br /><br />"stories like yours frankly terrify me, because it is exactly what I'm trying to avoid."~Mitchell<br /><br />Both these quotes represent cries for help from those drowning in a sea of "gender confusion".<br /><br />Is it a 'fetish' or a 'paraphilia'?<br />Is the sufferer 'transgender', like Jack, or a "classic transexxual" whose only hope for survival is a complete transformation their entire life, including their body. There IS a difference and that difference is vital.<br /><br />It is that 'difference' that determines the most appropriate treatment. In addition, Time is of the essence. What we see in the case of Mary's partner is an individual who has 'delayed and denied' for essentially a lifetime...and is now confronted with not only his own demons, but is asking a sympathetic woman to share his pain and unavoidable pathos. <br /><br />Mitchell, on the other hand, has the irreplaceable advantage of youth, and consequently, Time.<br /><br />My hope is that in both cases, these individuals will proceed with a high degree of due diligence. After all, it is only the rest of their lives that hang in the balance.<br /><br />Mary might do well to explore these links for some possible perspective from those who have actully found themselves in similarly dire straits.<br /><br />http://sheismyhusband.blogspot.com/<br /><br />http://caroline-in-search-of-lost-time.blogspot.com/<br /><br />http://crossdresserswife.com/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-73912525638455786002012-08-06T03:58:05.732-07:002012-08-06T03:58:05.732-07:00Hello Jack and everyone here, I would like to than...Hello Jack and everyone here, I would like to thank those people who responded to my letter.I am just an average person trying to understand a situation that I have not come across before. My partner and I try to avoid using labels as it seems to muddy the waters somewhat. Gosh, it is complicated enough as is stands don't you think? My partner has felt different since childhood and choose to put that feeling on the back burner in an effort to fit in. As time passed he understood more however by then he was married with a family.He is sensitive to the needs of others, especially his children so decided to put them first. Time passed and the need to express his true nature began to take on a more demanding aspect to the point that he is taking the first steps towards transitioning. Does he dress for sexual reasons? Perhaps along the way there was a sexual element to it some of the time but having said that he equates dressing in feminine clothes as<br /> much more than that. He tells me to imagine having to wear a suit,tie and lace up shoes every day when I would rather be wearing high heels and a dress. Could I maintain that lifestyle? Of course not! I like heels!!!<br /> Am I in this relationship becuse I will be alone, well, I was single for 5 yrs before him, after a marriage breakdown, and it was my choice to do so, not because I wasn't asked out. In a nutshell I was hoping someone out there may be able to give me some direction, something to work with. I ask for a glass of water and the waiters want to argue amongst themselves as to what type of water it should be. Its simple, I just want a glass of water! We are just two people trying to deal with the cards we have been dealt.I have learned today that there is a massive amount of pain out there, its not right that people just cannot be allowed to just be who they are. We are all so much more than what the world sees from the outside. Anyway, thankyou for your time and for your help. MaryMarynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-90724791100485955902012-08-05T21:30:32.423-07:002012-08-05T21:30:32.423-07:00""..so the date one chooses to alter the...""..so the date one chooses to alter their body somehow has something to do with the authenticity of the presupposed "gender" of one's psyche, which is itself supposed to somehow magically be self-evident?""<br /><br />"I love the way the list of requirements keeps getting longer. It looks like marital status has been added. And don't forget beauty!"......????<br /><br />AMTAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-72378194766439618272012-08-05T10:25:38.810-07:002012-08-05T10:25:38.810-07:00@AMT said:
"..so the date one chooses to alt...@AMT said:<br /><br />"..so the date one chooses to alter their body somehow has something to do with the authenticity of the presupposed "gender" of one's psyche, which is itself supposed to somehow magically be self-evident?"<br /><br />I love the way the list of requirements keeps getting longer. It looks like marital status has been added. And don't forget beauty!Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-23742492607586865282012-08-05T04:31:22.191-07:002012-08-05T04:31:22.191-07:00"I must inquire as to why your response is la..."I must inquire as to why your response is laced with so much rancor and spite."<br /><br />What I thought we were doing that now?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-55114590358231250942012-08-04T20:33:47.535-07:002012-08-04T20:33:47.535-07:00Oh OW! A personal attack. I am soooooo wounded. ...Oh OW! A personal attack. I am soooooo wounded. NOT!<br /><br />All kidding aside however, I must inquire as to why your response is laced with so much rancor and spite.<br /><br />A Mad TrannyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-23513478949002800392012-08-04T19:35:38.613-07:002012-08-04T19:35:38.613-07:00..so the date one chooses to alter their body some.....so the date one chooses to alter their body somehow has something to do with the authenticity of the presupposed "gender" of one's psyche, which is itself supposed to somehow magically be self-evident?<br /><br />Mad Tranny is MadAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-15958102602453467842012-08-04T12:15:22.056-07:002012-08-04T12:15:22.056-07:00"Do you somehow feel we stole the term transg..."Do you somehow feel we stole the term transgendered from you?"<br /><br />Nooooo....We are very much aware that the term was originally used by a Dr. Lohman, PhD., (AKA Virginia Prince, an over-the-top transvestite), to DISTINGUISH himself from those 'perverted' transsexuals who 'mutilated' their bodies in their deluded efforts to "be women".<br /><br />What IS of serious concern however, is how "transgender" has been intentionally conflated to include and describe women who happened to have been born with a female psyche and a male body, and most importantly, have physically corrected that genital incongruity.<br /><br />IMO, if the transgendered community in all its variety were to again clearly and loudly and proudly SEPARATE and DISTINGUISH itself from the transsexual in need of medical intervention, the war of words would end on the spot.<br /><br />Crossdressers, crossdreamers, autogynophiles and other 'gender-varients', by claiming and pretending to be that which they as not, have as much credibiliy as a cat screeching at dogs claiming that dogs are 'elitist, hateful separatists' for not barking up to the standards of angry cats, thinking they are dogs.<br /><br />A Mad TrannyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-55650933327278834892012-08-04T09:58:15.422-07:002012-08-04T09:58:15.422-07:00@casandra
I'm really enjoying your paternalis...@casandra<br /><br />I'm really enjoying your paternalistic, father knows best style of writing. You can barely write a paragraph without passing judgement on something. <br /><br />The vast majority of people who comment (and I'd hope, most of the readers) on this site know exactly what the definitions of transsexual and transgendered are. We do a very good job of straightening out newcomers. Most of us aren't transsexual, we know it and we will never transition. Do you somehow feel we stole the term transgendered from you?<br /><br />In my opinion transsexuals are women and I think that is yours too. I think your time would be better spent convincing the general public of this than wasting oursLindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-29396856212136890292012-08-04T09:56:55.827-07:002012-08-04T09:56:55.827-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-64641188303366332272012-08-04T03:45:02.772-07:002012-08-04T03:45:02.772-07:00The one thing that really bugs me is this part of ...The one thing that really bugs me is this part of their definition of a real transsexual: "locked in a partially male body". So they're saying that if you look too masculine you can't be transsexual. Who determines this? Is there a panel somewhere that draws the line? Whose definition of beauty are they using? What arrogant elitist tripe.<br /><br /><br />There is so much wrong with this paragraph it’s hard to know where to start. However I’ll deal with the fist sentence.<br /><br />The vast majority of type VI transsexuals appear to be quite normal girls when very young. Their appearance and mannerisms and interests greatly follow that of their female peers. Often puberty brings on changes to their bodies that cause great distress due to the physical changes that puberty inflicts. I thought I made it clear in my last comment that this applies mostly only too type VI. For type V the intensity is less and physical appearance may not be as strikingly female. Both types are nonetheless “transsexual” since in both cases SRS and full transition will take place. <br /><br />Now to your second sentence: It is not transsexuals who are the determining “panel” but society at large. If the transsexual is able to live successfully integrated into society and is able to “self perpetuate” vis a vie “Maslow” then all will be well. The real life test was established to provide a period during which the individual and their supporting Doctor could evaluate if this was likely to happen. Success during this time is not necessarily judged by appearance but rather the individual’s ability to function in society and to thrive. Whether the real life test is successful or not it is the patient who decides whether they continue along the same path and probably not the Doctor though some physicians may advise additional time for evaluation.<br /><br />So where exactly am I being arrogant? I am not setting myself up as any kind of judge in this. I have to say however, that I can spot a fake a mile off. How and why? Well because the narrative of type V and VI especially VI transsexuals is remarkably similar. The reason women like me come to blogs like this and make comment is that a great many men who identify as transgender seem to believe that transgender is the politically correct term for transsexual. It isn’t and never has been though a great many believe that it is. To your credit Lindsay I think you understand that. <br /><br />Now the purpose of my coming here was simply because here there is a discussion going on about a wife is struggling to cope with a husband who is hell bent on transitioning to female. My heart goes out to her. What her husband should do if he has any humanity is to first understand just what a transsexual is because if he does not both he and his wife and presumably kids are in for a very very rough ride. Let me tell you here and now, if any husband of mine began transition he’d be out on his ear before eh could say “panties” because I know from bitter experience what is going to happen. <br /><br />cassandraspeaksAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-85639727507909743392012-08-03T23:30:53.614-07:002012-08-03T23:30:53.614-07:00It's really hard to understand why the "c...It's really hard to understand why the "classic transsexuals" feel so threatened by the transgendered community. Most transgendered have no intention of ever undergoing hormone therapy, let alone SRS. But reading these posts it sounds like they think that it is all the transgendered want. Most transgendered don't really care about "classic transsexuals", they only know about them because once a year they crawl out from under their rocks and falsely accuse them of terrible things.<br /><br />They seem to feel somehow threatened because the transgendered are searching for knowledge. Threatened by the transgendered because they trying to be accepted and not viewed as freaks. <br /><br />It seems to me that "classic transsexuals" want to be considered as true women. If they are true women they don't need to come here and berate us. For some reason they must feel insecure in their femininity and need to belittle us to make themselves feel more womanly.<br /><br />The one thing that really bugs me is this part of their definition of a real transsexual: "locked in a partially male body". So they're saying that if you look too masculine you can't be transsexual. Who determines this? Is there a panel somewhere that draws the line? Whose definition of beauty are they using? What arrogant elitist tripe.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-80569138317564147552012-08-03T18:19:51.045-07:002012-08-03T18:19:51.045-07:00I’ve written extensively on this subject and by th...I’ve written extensively on this subject and by this subject I mean the whole war that has constantly raged between “Transgender and transsexuals” I’ve studied the whole phenomenon extensively and interviewed a great many transvestites and quite a few type V transsexuals. In my life I have met a mere half dozen type VI Transsexuals. They are like comets you may meet one in a lifetime even then probably would not be able to distinguish them from regular male or female. The etiology is in fact elementary, female brain, psychology and personality locked in a partially male body. For a type V the syndrome displays itself with a little less intensity, there may be physical challenges for the individual to overcome. Nonetheless, drive towards a complete and total sex change is present. The etiology of both types is quite similar. <br /><br />This is what I discovered in my research and it matches that of Harry Benjamin whose book I read a short while after I completed my study. I was searching for a reason for my own overwhelming need to be a complete woman. In that regard science has so far failed to provide us with a fully satisfactory answer perhaps one day. For female to male transsexuals the problems are even greater since it is not yet feasible to create human tissue where none has existed before; not to a full enough extent anyway. <br /><br />Society when first confronted by transsexuality in 1950’s with the publicity that surrounded first Christine Jorgensen and then Roberta Cowell (even though Roberta preceded Christine) actually understood and accepted them as women. Albeit women who had changed sex they were accepted as women. For the few who followed in their footsteps in USA government administrations throughout the country changed documents to match their corrected status. There is documented evidence that for a lucky few even UK quietly changed the birth certificates of transsexuals until the justice Ormrod verdict in Korbett v Korbett established a precedent subsequently adopted in much of the western world. The general public however still to a great extent understood transsexuality.<br /><br />Gradually since 1980’s transvestite men who for years had been marginalized as perverts have sought to attach themselves to transsexuality in order to attain for themselves the lingering acceptance society has or had for the condition. Narratives stolen from the biographies of Jan Morris, Christine Jogansen, Aleisha Brevard, Caroline Cossey, April Ashley (the other Korbett) and many others have been parroted to naïve psychiatrists by transvestites to obtain hormones and even some partial surgeries searching for the ultimate “pass”<br /><br />Psychiatrists who happen to be homosexual such as J Michael Bailey and Ray Blanchard and perhaps Ken Zucker who may or may not be have careers vested in the issue have formed convoluted theories (and that’s all they are theories) linking transsexuality to extreme transvestism. Even against the protests of many hundreds of women who know in their heart of hearts and at the base of their being that the theory is way off beam where it seeks to include them. Since when however, have men ever listened to women? So the war of words continues and the terms and theories become ever more complex and coated with jargon and pseudo science in the attempt to justify simple obsessive cross dressing. <br /><br />My college professor once said to me “If you cannot explain something in a way everyone can understand, you do not understand the subject well enough” I have learned that lesson. It seems some people have not with their use of unnecessarily lengthy words and explanations. <br /><br />Once transsexual women have no desire to deny you access to the treatments you seek. No desire to tolerate your being beaten or ridiculed or ostracized by society. All we ask is that you seek acceptance on your own terms and do not use and abuse us in the process. Claiming we are all a part of the same etiology is like trying to claim all animals are human. Stop it cease desist and we will leave you alone and may even support you.<br /><br />Cassandraspeaks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-55639550564437620542012-08-03T01:12:40.457-07:002012-08-03T01:12:40.457-07:00@Lucy
Thank you very much! This is very helpful. ...@Lucy<br /><br />Thank you very much! This is very helpful. <br /><br />I have added your blog to the blogroll and will inform her directly by email.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-34583835362422567612012-08-02T22:19:45.292-07:002012-08-02T22:19:45.292-07:00Hi Jack,
I just found your website via "T-Cen...Hi Jack,<br />I just found your website via "T-Central". I am a spouse of a recently transgendered M to F. I am in the same place that Mary is in. I am choosing to stay in the marriage as I love my partner very much.<br />To be honest with you I skipped over all the comments your post bought because I get very overwhelmed these days. Among the many great points and questions that Mary addressed is not being able to talk about it to anyone who could possibly understand. Please feel free to direct her to my blog and she can certainly email me. This road is too hard to go down it alone. <br />Thanks Jack!<br />www.thetransgentlewife.comAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-47517843481750473652012-08-01T21:43:53.858-07:002012-08-01T21:43:53.858-07:00@anonymous
Please define a singularity of sexual ...@anonymous<br /><br />Please define a singularity of sexual arousal, in terms of phenomenological and biological emergence, as well as how both interact.<br /><br />I don't answer questions from anonymous posters.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-83107725820348412392012-08-01T19:39:49.696-07:002012-08-01T19:39:49.696-07:00From DSM-5
Transvestic Disorder
A. Over a pe...From DSM-5<br /><br />Transvestic Disorder<br /> <br />A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent and intense sexual arousal from cross‑dressing, as manifested by fantasies, urges, or behaviors.<br /> <br />B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause marked distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. <br /> <br />Specify if:<br /> <br />With Fetishism (Sexually Aroused by Fabrics, Materials, or Garments)<br /> <br />With Autogynephilia (Sexually Aroused by Thought or Image of Self as Female)<br /> <br />With Autoandrophilia (Sexually Aroused by Thought or Image of Self as Male.<br /><br />A Mad TrannyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-86704362929318966342012-08-01T19:24:37.560-07:002012-08-01T19:24:37.560-07:00Jack. I do not subscribe to your AGP rubric or an...Jack. I do not subscribe to your AGP rubric or any of the theories proposed by the the infamous Gang of Four or 'BLZB' for short.<br /><br />Blanchard, Lawrence, Zucker and Bailey have no understanding whatsoever of what it means to be born trans SEXED and are instead FIXATED on attempting to explain/justify their own particular personal paraphilias.<br /><br />And therein lies the problem for the true transsexuals, who simply restructure their bodies/genitalia to conform to their actual gender/sex, and then quietly go on to live happily conforming to gender binary. <br /><br />Transsexualism has nothing to do with the, "singularity of sexual arousal, in terms of phenomenological and biological emergence, as well as how both interact". Or.......any other fantasy psuedo-science.<br /><br />As for Mary, the unfortunate wife of a 'crossdreamer', she has my heartfelt simpathy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-61249334646279798482012-08-01T18:53:21.370-07:002012-08-01T18:53:21.370-07:00Anonymous said...
@Lindsay & A Mad Tranny
Ple...Anonymous said...<br />@Lindsay & A Mad Tranny<br /><br />Please define a singularity of sexual arousal, in terms of phenomenological and biological emergence, as well as how both interact.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-90660317678798058282012-08-01T18:43:15.589-07:002012-08-01T18:43:15.589-07:00"All sexuality is fetishistic, even that whic..."All sexuality is fetishistic, even that which is transmitted retains the same fetishized structures. The part played by biology is abstract."<br /><br />Whoever said this is TOTALLY lost in space! Or totally spaced on the AGP/TG Kool-Aid.<br /><br />BIOLOGY is the fundamental driver.<br /><br />"Fetishism" is the,"extravagant, irrational devotion to, and/or <br />the pathological displacement of erotic interest and satisfaction to a fetish." <br /><br />A "fetish" is...<br />a: an object (as a small stone carving of an animal) believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner; broadly: a material object regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence b: an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion : prepossession c: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression <br />2: a rite or cult of fetish worshipers <br /><br />A Mad TrannyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-46515094278213266162012-08-01T14:23:44.560-07:002012-08-01T14:23:44.560-07:00@Lindsay
Please define a singularity of sexual ar...@Lindsay<br /><br />Please define a singularity of sexual arousal, in terms of phenomenological and biological emergence, as well as how both interact.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-56017498659951913472012-08-01T11:59:07.889-07:002012-08-01T11:59:07.889-07:00@anonymous
Wow, I can't believe you just said...@anonymous<br /><br />Wow, I can't believe you just said that heterosexuality is a fetish. Saying that you loose all credibility. How can a basic biological instinct be a fetish? At best fetishes just add spice to someones pre-exiting sexuality.<br /><br />By saying that one thing (fetishes) influences all sexuality you are putting on blinders. The reality is that many things influence it.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-4914318746134538712012-08-01T10:58:09.495-07:002012-08-01T10:58:09.495-07:00"What about heterosexuality? I don't thin..."What about heterosexuality? I don't think a fetish can explain that."<br /><br />All sexuality is fetishistic, even that which is transmitted retains the same fetishized structures. The part played by biology is abstract. <br /><br />"But what about transsexuals? It seems natural that they would be sexually aroused by the same things as their identified gender. In their case it shouldn't even be considered crossdreaming, just normal."<br /><br />Whether apotemnophilia or feminization fetishism, these autophilic fetishes commonly influence psychologies of bodily dysphoria. The arousal is not identical of "typical" female sexuality. What I am aroused by is a repetition of the traumatic humiliation I was subjected to in early childhood.<br /><br />http://annamalicesissy.blogspot.co.ukAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-39527301025187486422012-08-01T09:09:54.772-07:002012-08-01T09:09:54.772-07:00So, the "fetish" people say that all sex...So, the "fetish" people say that all sexuality can be reduced to a fetish. What about heterosexuality? I don't think a fetish can explain that. That's just basic biology. The next step would be homosexuality. Do you want to explain that away as a fetish too? That was disproved 30 or 40 years ago. So it seems to be much more believable that basic sexuality is biological. But to claim that someones basic sexuality was determined by some remote, forgotten event in the past seems wrong, it may partially explain the great variation in sexual turn ons, but not sexuality.<br /><br />There are biological males and females out there for whom crossdreaming is a fetish, both hetero and homosexual. It's hard to argue that there are not. But what about transsexuals? It seems natural that they would be sexually aroused by the same things as their identified gender. In their case it shouldn't even be considered crossdreaming, just normal.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742298653334993493noreply@blogger.com