tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post2388116032216186505..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: On how to save a relationshipSally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-66721640198547010772011-12-06T18:37:35.330-08:002011-12-06T18:37:35.330-08:00Jay stated a couple of things that might be on tar...Jay stated a couple of things that might be on target, not only for the relationship in question but maybe for AGP in general. Jay said:<br /><br />"when it comes to sex men really are pigs. They need satisfying sex; if they don't get it, no matter how much they "love" her, they are going to find it somewhere else."<br /><br />And goes on to say:<br /><br />Like most women, she doesn't even seem to know what she actually wants. <br /><br />I think that all of us are searching for "satisfying" sex. I think we are searching for the ultimately perfect satisfying sex. And I think that all of us are searching for a "satisfying" relationship, actually the ultimately perfect satisfying relationship. It is hardwired in our DNA. We might think we have found it but we are looking in all the wrong places. It is like we go out to find a good, healthy meal and we end up eating out of a dumpster. We go from dumpster to dumpster to find better food... We go from relationship to relationship hoping to find a better one. At some point we find out that we are not going to find good, satisfying food in a dumpster no matter how deep we dig through the garbage.<br /><br />I think one of the issues with AGP (and other things... I am not picking on just AGP.) is that it is not ultimately satisfying. It may seem like it is when we first see it, but it is only one of many things in the buffet line of life that ultimately does not fill us up, that does not completely satisfy us.Robyn Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00655968146251274730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-32263626228172441372011-12-06T14:30:14.189-08:002011-12-06T14:30:14.189-08:00You each have to decide what you want and need in ...You each have to decide what you want and need in life.<br /><br />If you love him, you'll let him go and find out what he needs.<br /><br />If he loves you, he'll try earnestly to sort things out sooner than later while keeping you "in the loop."<br /><br />Do you love the man or the person? Does he love you or the idea of being married?<br /><br />You cannot and should not wait forever for him to figure things out... and he shouldn't expect you to stay if decisions are made you cannot live with. At the same time, you cannot create pressures and lead him to your conclusions... he can only find his own.<br /><br />This is tough and I feel for you both. I'm sorry he has AG and I'm sorry you have to deal with issues resulting from it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-26253198869157400332011-12-05T22:43:47.593-08:002011-12-05T22:43:47.593-08:00@Jay,
No offense taken...
I am not kidding abo...@Jay,<br /><br />No offense taken... <br /><br />I am not kidding about lying. Just because SOME women might lie in relationships, it does NOT give men license to lie ESPECIALLY about sex. How can one ever trust someone who lies? And if a person cannot be trusted, why even be in a relationship with them?<br /><br />Saying that men are pigs when it comes to sex is very demeaning.to pigs. What is satisfying sex for a man? In the relationship described here, the goal of satisfying sex is a moving target because this man does not know what will satisfy him. He is focused only on getting what he wants and he doesn't care how he gets it or who he hurts. <br /><br />When there is true, profound love in a relationship, there will never be unsatisfying sex. Love doesn't die. One or both partners kill it.<br /><br />In this relationship, this woman wants her man to be a man, not a loose cannon. She wants to be treated as a human being and as a woman. This isn't a sappy Hollywood romance. It is the bare minimum criteria for a loving relationship.Robyn Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00655968146251274730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-50684851041132635552011-12-03T23:57:55.002-08:002011-12-03T23:57:55.002-08:00I'm in agreement with a lot of what's been...I'm in agreement with a lot of what's been said. I'll add that even though it may not be an addiction it has aspects of addictive behavior. You are being placed in the role of his "sponsor" which is not the best role for a spouse of an "addictive" partner.<br /><br />While you definitely need to be a partner and be in on his feelings and have an open line of communication, it would be helpful if he could find an accountability partner to help work through some agreements, possibly a therapist. There are 12 step groups, such as Couple's in Recovery Anonymous or others dealing with sexual compulsions where he could find others to open up with.<br /><br />If Jack Molay will permits me listing a suggestion here Crossdressers.com has a Loved Ones section and another private one for Female partners of crossdressers, where you might get additional advice. Good Luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-51451667226730177222011-12-03T23:45:45.145-08:002011-12-03T23:45:45.145-08:00Robyn,
No offense, but....
"Lying?" Ar...Robyn,<br /><br />No offense, but....<br /><br />"Lying?" Are you kidding me? Women lie SO MUCH in relationships, from everything about how much of his money they just blew on those new pair of shoes, to whether they are even having orgasms or not.<br /><br />So, to hold a guy to some strange standard of honesty in a relationship that only men seem to think exists is silly.<br /><br />"Love" is wonderful. But love dies on the vine when there is not satisfying sex. Being a guy, and dating guys, I can assure that although you may not be, or are just not being honest about it, when it comes to sex men really are pigs. They need satisfying sex; if they don't get it, no matter how much they "love" her, they are going to find it somewhere else.<br /><br />What I think this relationship needs is for the woman to realize that men are not women, and are not as depicted in the sappy Hollywood romances she has no doubt based her idea of relationships on.<br /><br />Like most women, she doesn't even seem to know what she actually wants. She complains that he's not "dominant" enough, then turns around and complains when he masturbates "without her permission."<br /><br />Like too many women, she thinks she wants a "man" but then gets upset when he turns out not to want to be her lapdog.<br /><br />She had unreasonable expectations, and shouldn't be surprised that they have crumbled.Bunnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12533555060918801821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-3030664117805855212011-12-03T21:33:45.465-08:002011-12-03T21:33:45.465-08:00There are several important issues here.
The fi...There are several important issues here. <br /><br />The first major issue is the on-going lying. Lying is never justified in a serious, committed relationship. If he is lying about his sexual issues, he can lie about anything and everything. How will you ever be able to trust him to tell the truth? And you do want to trust him, don't you.<br /><br />The second issue is your definition of "love". You say he'll es you. And I am sure he says that he loves you but then you say that he treats you like a sexual object or a prop in his sexual games. This doesn't sound like "love" and it doesn't even sound like he likes you very much. You are just a very helpful person enabling his fantasies. In addition, the harder you try, the worse it gets for you.<br /><br />Finally, it sounds like he has some sexual fantasies or obsessions that are destroying your relationship. If he doesn't see that or if he refuses to get help, professional help, then it is time for you to exit stage left.<br /><br />If you do stay in the relationship, then you should cut out all sex and and anything sexual until he gets clean and sober. And then he needs to learn what it means to be a man in a loving relationship.<br /><br />You deserve better, a LOT better! Good luck!Robyn Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00655968146251274730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-7506447649216069812011-11-30T00:24:20.039-08:002011-11-30T00:24:20.039-08:00It sounds as if he is caught up in a world of sham...It sounds as if he is caught up in a world of shame and guilt which can only get worse for him. The Shemale masturbation fantasy could simply be him trying to live out his fantasy of gender expression by imagining the feminised male as him self. This was my own experience anyway when I used to view shemale porn years ago. It may not be about the desire for a shemale, but to be one. It may not include the sexual acts with males that you may see in such pornography.<br /><br />You seem to being doing all the work at keeping it all together. He needs to work just as hard too. When you are wrapped up in a sexual obsession it is very hard to see the woods from the trees. He probably doesn't realise what he has until it is too late.<br /><br />Making him value his male side is a good thing I think, but at the same time you do need to accept his female side. If he fears losing that female side he will then wrap it up in a hidden world.<br /><br />In many cases when the crossdresser is fully accepted he does not need to resort to the fantasy world as much.<br /><br />Join up at Crossdreamlife.com if you have not already done so.Cheryl Sussexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02512809610979507630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-75942023451292075762011-11-29T17:51:24.539-08:002011-11-29T17:51:24.539-08:00i do think there are two sides to a relationship: ...i do think there are two sides to a relationship: sexual and the actual bond between you two.<br /><br />I know that the sex with my ex wasnt right but i also know that we were in love, and i still think of her every so often.<br /><br />Also the sexual side does not only consist of sex itself. Try and be sensual with him, try to enjoy his body as much as you want him to enjoy yours. The dynamics are not in your favour but i dont like to think that this is impossible. <br /><br />Also really help him to bring out his femininity, it will release alot of tension and he will stop his obsessive behaviours. Let him know that beauty can exist in a male too, and that he is beautiful in your eyes. <br /><br />This is a hard place to be in, but i also believe theres hope. However dont stay with him because of duty or pity. good luck xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-26260467877534366352011-11-29T17:15:55.368-08:002011-11-29T17:15:55.368-08:00Why not allowing him him to masturbate ?
Why do y...Why not allowing him him to masturbate ?<br /><br />Why do you ant to be in 100% of his fantasies ?<br /><br />Let him free to do what he wants when you are not with him. As long as he can have sex with you as a man where is the problem ?<br /><br />If you let him free, he will come back and be a better lover as a man.<br /><br />See a therapist to find the answers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-51284843968089395142011-11-29T11:07:45.831-08:002011-11-29T11:07:45.831-08:00The real masculine men are either the real bisexua...The real masculine men are either the real bisexual men, or entirely homosexual (exclusively into men).<br />Effeminate males who are homosexual are just 10% minority.<br />The rest just fit into the typical heterosexual/bisexual psycho profile I mentioned above.Buddhanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-77493669160163877852011-11-29T11:05:41.277-08:002011-11-29T11:05:41.277-08:00Most real and natural heterosexual males (as oppos...Most real and natural heterosexual males (as opposed to those who are socially conditioned to like women and do away with their liking of other men completely), have a feminine side to themselves and like to go in for powerful women who dominate them on bed and bring out their feminine side.<br />That appears to be very much the psycho profile of every natural haterosexual male that I have investigated. <br />Some of these natural heterosexuals are simply kinky crossdressers,others are somewhat bigendered types, and many others outright lesbian transwomen.<br /><br />The skewed western model of gender and sexuality of males is to be blamed for all these confusions.Buddhanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-8784862214539527072011-11-29T09:38:13.766-08:002011-11-29T09:38:13.766-08:00Just off the top of my head:
She wants him to be ...Just off the top of my head:<br /><br />She wants him to be more of a man, but insists that he "tells her" every time he masturbates?<br /><br />She enrolls him in some kind of self-styled and imposed gender aversion therapy, and wonders why it had no more affect than those that try to change gay men into straight ones?<br /><br />"Not to mention, I know that, even if I could find them gratifying, his sexual pleasure has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. NOTHING. Its all in his head. Its all about him."<br /><br />And she is an adult woman and doesn't realize yet that could be said about ANY man?<br /><br />She gets points for trying, but loses them again for doing it in such a self-serving way.<br /><br />She needs to stop the whole "Thought Police" routine, and just move on to a man who can give her what she wants.<br /><br />Both of them will be better off for it.<br /><br />The hint should have been that any man who would have agreed to being bossed around by a woman that way is probably not the kind of man that is going to "dominate" her the way she needs.Bunnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12533555060918801821noreply@blogger.com