tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post5156470694602781764..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: The Faceless Man and The Transgender TotemSally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-80934510188389029152016-07-18T03:04:10.529-07:002016-07-18T03:04:10.529-07:00Not killing your molester is a good thing, there i...Not killing your molester is a good thing, there is no doubt about that. As for hating him: That is only natural. Suppressing that anger gets you nowhere.<br /><br />But as for doing "extreme things", and especially in the realms of love and sexuality, I am not sure that is always a bad thing -- if they help you gain a better understanding of yourself and others.<br /><br />I am not sure there is such a thing as "normal people". It seems every time I learn to know someone better, there is always something that makes them unique and often in very surprising manners. Society pretends there is such a thing as "normal", however, inducing shame and embarrassment into fantasies and behaviours that are quite harmless in and for themselves, and it is most often the induced shame that causes the suffering, not the urges.<br /><br />There should be nothing shameful about being a crossdresser, nothing embarrassing about enjoying a bit of BDSM (among consenting adults) and nothing stigmatizing about having same-sex encounters. Nothing of this makes you a bad person, or a person that cannot be loved. It is the fear of being ridiculed that holds us back. It is the fear that stops us from living our lives to the full. And yes, I feel that fear myself, every day.<br /><br />But I now think of our fantasies as sexual variation, not deviation.<br /><br />I have been working on this blog for many years now, and I have come to love many male to female AND female to male crossdreamers. They have compatible dreams and desires. There is the potential for a lot of acceptance, validation and true love if they could only find each other.<br /><br />What I am saying is: There are a lot of people out there would love the love of a crossdreamer and who would thrive as your partner. <br /><br />Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-77186612197419641042016-07-18T02:47:19.163-07:002016-07-18T02:47:19.163-07:00Thanks Jack for responding to my comment. I am gla...Thanks Jack for responding to my comment. I am glad that there is a least one person in this world who now knows what happened to me. This is the first time I have ever admitted or stated out loud in any form that I was indeed molested as a child. I do however have the safety of being anonymous yes?<br /><br />These things that happen to you never end, they only fade away into a box and the the lid of the box is always slightly ajar and sometimes the things inside crawl out, sit there on the floor and stare at you and I cannot help but stare back. Not sure how many days in a row have gone by that I have not thought of my fate. I have done some extreme things but thankfully nothing illegal at least not felony and the only damage I have done other than to myself is to women who probably had some feelings for me when I was young but I was not capable of commitment. to commit you need self esteem I suppose. <br /><br />No I have never sought out professional counseling but performed my own self-help using books and now the internet. Forums like this one are very helpful and so is being able to write it out here. Maybe if someone reads this it will help them. I have already lived through four decades of adulthood and what I have learned is trama gets easier with time. I never gave up even at the lowest times and I have learned how to fight my demons, but the memories can be very vivid if I want them to be. When I was 18 years old I tracked down the molester, the man that did this to me and I fantasized about killing him with a shot to the back of the head. I had the gun. But my self-preservation kicked in so I left town instead, best choice I ever made. <br /><br />I have felt very guilty and ashamed about some of the homosexual encounters I have had over the years. they had nothing to do with romance I'll put it that way. It was more a sense of being a slut or a prostitute. In my mind I was a prostitute when I was prowling the streets at night looking for men, trying to satisfy an appetite of a wolf or a vampire. It is very dark stuff. You live with the cards you're dealt and there are millions of people in a much worse way than I. <br /><br />I went through the crossdressing stage and it lasted about 10 years but lately I feel as though it has run it's course. All of my sexual deviations which started at age 10 with a spanking relationship with a neighbor boy, seem to run their course and then the intensity dims. This leaves me feeling very unstable. Then another one appears such as female domination and off I go to find a mistress. I have spent a small fortune on doms, whores, booze and drugs. Sometimes, I have a lot of shame involved with loose sex but I contribute this to Western values. But again, as I get older the less intense all of these feelings.<br /><br />The ultimate negative result of being a victim of child sex abuse is a sense of loss. Without a doubt it held me back. I missed out on having one of the best things in life and that is love, true love. I am just not capable of loving another person with total abandonment. However, I do not think I would have traveled the world endlessly searching for fulfillment if this had not happened to me either and that at least is something.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-82660363349380982542016-07-16T10:45:39.929-07:002016-07-16T10:45:39.929-07:00I am so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse. ...I am so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse. I feel for you. This is one of the worst things an adult can do to a child -- if not <i>the</i> worst. I can understand why you are still stuggling with what happened to you. I have heard from other crossdreamers who report sexual childhood abuse, so you are not alone in that respect.<br /><br />I wonder: Have you ever reached out to others and talked about this? A good friend, maybe, a health professional, a therapist? It is always hard to have to cope with such trauma all on your own (and being transgender or a crossdreamer can be hard under the best of circumstances.)Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-85961249706724765712016-07-14T10:16:10.983-07:002016-07-14T10:16:10.983-07:00I was a male child, 5 or 6 years old, who was sexu...I was a male child, 5 or 6 years old, who was sexually 'used' by a man. In the way it was done and I remember it precisely, I was an object of desire. My role was passive. I let the man do what he wanted with me because I was only 6 years old. I had my eyes closed during the sex most of the time. After he used me, the man would then bring me off orally. I have always wonder it those orgasm's did not cause some form of brain damage. As I grew up to adulthood you can imagine I had some difficulty. In my teens there were many homosexual encounters with much older men. My role was always the passive, and I played the feminine partner who would please a real man because I felt I was not a real man. In reality, aside from all the psycho damage I was enduring, I was a heterosexual very aroused and attracted to females. In fact I was a man. But my utter feelings of inadequacy made it impossible to ever have a normal relationship and I never married. Since I am not gay either it left me a celibate. Over time thanks to invention of the computer and internet I became an autogynephilia. I became the woman that would never be. Over the years I have gone through just about every fetish known in science and then some. But there is one that I have never had any interest in and that is pedophilia which is unusual since most pedophiles were abused themselves. In this way I may have gotten lucky, thank God. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-40192157797858428582016-05-24T01:06:18.161-07:002016-05-24T01:06:18.161-07:00@Lisa
If you have not seen it already: Noah Berla...@Lisa<br /><br />If you have not seen it already: Noah Berlatsky has written an excellent article on crossdreaming in cis and trans people over at The Etstablishment, making arguments very similar to the ones you present here. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.theestablishment.co/2016/05/16/why-are-trans-women-penalized-for-body-fantasies-we-all-have/" rel="nofollow">Why Are Trans Women Penalized For Body Fantasies Everyone Has?</a>Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-82584585419053158882016-05-23T16:12:29.793-07:002016-05-23T16:12:29.793-07:00The comments:
“1. Most of the women don't fan...The comments:<br /><br />“1. Most of the women don't fantasize about humiliation as you do, they imagine their boyfriend or a total stranger and focus on the act instead of any of the bodies, focus on emotions.<br />2.Women don't think of their own bodies,they don't imagine to be a sexy woman.<br />3. Women don't have this faceless man in their dreams as you do, it's the opposite actually. “<br /><br />Well I have personally had relationships with cis women who have had all those fantasies and if not actually enacted them all out physically, certainly did verbally as part of foreplay and sex. And some did enact them out physically.<br /><br />Being seen and aroused as a 'sexy woman' and 'looking hot' is very common for many women, not all of course and more so when they are younger.<br />Fantasies amount being submissive in bondage (etc) are again very common.<br />Fantasies about sex with multiple partners (or being a prostitute) are also common.<br /><br />The difference is women, being more cautious less commonly enact them out and if they do, they tend to be discreet about them. Though a surprising number do. It is not very hard to find all sorts of sex parties with lots of men and women in every major city. A little digging and they can easily be found.<br />Went to quite a few myself over the years.<br /><br />Are their dominant women as well? Yes of course. A surprising number will 'switch' as well.<br /><br />So those statements 'women never ..." are wrong.<br /><br />It is all part of the myth that women ‘are not really sexual, it is all emotional’ stuff. Even in this day and age women suffer from criticism if they openly discuss or enact their sexual desires, so they suppress and hide it. But hiding (or just being quiet and discreet) doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist by any means.Lisa Mullinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05268319043907362365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-52191332006346611752016-04-20T23:58:22.147-07:002016-04-20T23:58:22.147-07:00A long time ago, back in 2010, I wrote a blog post...A long time ago, back in 2010, I wrote a blog post on the <a href="http://www.crossdreamers.com/2010/09/female-and-male-copulation-instincts-1.html" rel="nofollow">female and male copulation instincst,</a> hoping that would throw some light upon my own crossdreaming. What you write here make much sense to me, in my position.<br /><br />Eventually I came to the conclusion that scales like "mounting" vs. "receptive" makes some sense on an aggregate level. It helps us understand some of the interplay between sexuality and gender identity among many, but not all. <br /><br />And that is the problem with saying that your copulation instinct determines your gender. There is much variation within single individuals, both trans and cis. They may want to be the top one day and the bottom the next. <br /><br />Furthermore, there are many cis men and women who identify completely with their assigned gender, but who nevertheless prefer to "play the opposite role", as defined by this schema. In other words, even if there is some significant correlation, there are too many exceptions to the rule to use it to define gender.<br /><br />Sexuality and gender is messy. They constantly refuse to be captured by the many models we develop.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-44059597713183615622016-04-19T18:12:13.822-07:002016-04-19T18:12:13.822-07:00For me the modele is like this :
You gave a gende...For me the modele is like this :<br /><br />You gave a gender, man or woman. People who tell they are between are probably people confused and not ready. But a 3de gender may exist, time will tell.<br /><br />Your gender is WHO you are in the sexual fantasy : if you have a body with a dick and are top, then your are not a woman.<br /><br />We could go further and see in WHAT ROLE you feel that you are at YOUR PLACE in bed once in REAL WORLD with your real body (in addition of the fantasy question) : if you love to be BOTTOM and do not care about your dick, then you are a woman gender.<br /><br />And we could also look at WHO you would choose to be if you coud change all BUT keep your mind. If you choose to be a female, then you think you have a woman's mind because nobody wants a woman's mind in a male body (many people kill themselves to not live this situation).<br /><br />I think attraction come from TOP or BOTTOM preference. We are attracted by the person that brings us what we need in bed (once we have the right body and feel at the right place).<br /><br />I am not attracted to men because I have male body that makes their body the body I do not want to have/see, so their body makes me feel odd, but with a pussy and a female body : I would probably toady drop woman and chase men !!!!<br /><br /><br />Sach@https://www.blogger.com/profile/12567957957714349237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-73812875831201552422016-04-12T15:56:01.666-07:002016-04-12T15:56:01.666-07:00Sandra,
I enjoyed your comments on Felix's bo...Sandra,<br /><br />I enjoyed your comments on Felix's book. I can relate to a lot of them. I would like to comment on a few of them:<br /><br />"I require a physical manifestation of my inner totem — which I achieve through crossdressing — the balance is achieved not by repressing my urges, but to embrace my inner totem by dressing as she would dress (i.e. like a woman)."<br /><br />Yes me too. I can relate to this so much. Although with me, I am able to go to work and carry on all my other activities in male mode just fine…. as long as I get a few hours each day as Cindy. So even though I have implemented it a little differently, I think it is basically the same sort of solution you have. If I had a job where I could work from home, I too would like to do as you are doing. But in my case, I need to be in the office. But knowing that I will soon have some "Cindy time", I have something to always look forward to.<br /><br />"You worry too much. Stop worrying about the future. It doesn't exist yet. Once we're there, we'll think about your options. For now, stick to the therapy that allows you to work"<br /><br />This is great advise from your Dr. Unfortunately I think so many people spend a lot of time and energy worrying about the future, and forget to enjoy the present. What will happen in the future is unknown to us, so why worry about it. (Also we should avoid worrying about the past, which is even less useful.) If we can master these, we can live in the present and enjoy each moment as it comes.<br /><br />"The interesting bit is about the drunken Irish minion hypothesis, i.e. that crossdreamers have the dopamine cable miswired, and actually get sexual/erotic pleasure when thinking/acting/manifesting themselves as a different gender from the one assigned at birth."<br /><br />I too found this an interesting theory that makes some sense to me. Although pure speculation, it is at least one way to try to explain and comprehend this condition. When I read it, it seemed to me to be rather similar to what is called erotic target location error (ETLE) by Ray Blanchard. I say this because both theories say that the object of our arousal is somehow wired differently to be within ourselves rather than (or in addition to) an external source. Of course ETLE is also speculation and unproven. I do know that many people very much dislike ETLE, and have read many posts arguing against it. So I was curious if those who dislike ETLE have similar problems with Felix's miswired explanation.<br /><br />As for the notion that crossdreamers' love for, or attraction to, women is different than other men (that you mentioned in an earlier post), I posted a comment to you about this on April 2 (above in this thread). I was interested if you had any thoughts on that explanation.<br /><br />Thanks, CindyCindy Richardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07998302605189270711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-9920297885981608182016-04-12T09:55:02.560-07:002016-04-12T09:55:02.560-07:00Guess what — it works wonderfully. While dressed a...Guess what — it works wonderfully. While dressed as Sandra, the depression cannot affect me. Why, I have no idea. So I got a second opinion — this time from someone more experienced in dealing with depression than with gender issues. Before I even started to explain what my other psychologist had said, this psychologist interrupted me and said: 'Work from home dressed as Sandra'. When I was baffled that I had gotten the same opinion twice, he explained why — apparently, my case is classic textbook, there are some activities that I love, some that I am unable to perform (work), so the trick is to combine both.<br /><br />I went back to my original psychologist, confused. I humbly admitted that her therapy certainly worked (it's just my wife that doesn't allow me to do that — not yet), but I was worried: what if I could never work again, unless I dressed as Sandra? How would that help me in the future? Even though my <i>current</i> job doesn't involve physical presence, and I can do it from home, I cannot be sure that the next job is like that. My psychologist: 'You worry too much. Stop worrying about the future. It doesn't exist yet. Once we're there, we'll think about your options. For now, stick to the therapy that allows you to work.'<br /><br />My point here is that Felix also recommends for crossdreamers to embrace their inner totem, and use the imagination to get in touch with her, as much as possible, and, through the experience of understanding our inner totem better, somehow achieve 'fusion' (his word, not mine) — a balance. Because, among crossdreamers, I require a physical manifestation of my inner totem — which I achieve through crossdressing — the balance is achieved not by repressing my urges, but to embrace my inner totem by dressing as she would dress (i.e. like a woman). I guess you see the analogy: both Felix and the psychologists seem to be saying exactly the same thing, namely, do not refuse/reject your inner self, but let it shine through and embrace it. If you are the kind of crossdreamer that doesn't need any physical manifestation of that totem, then all you need is imagination. If you need to crossdress to manifest physically your totem, then your solution to achieve a balance is to dress more.<br /><br />Hm. As you can see, this particular point has left me thinking quite a lot. To be honest, there is still something in me that rejects the idea. But I have to admit that the principle is solid, I might just have a lot of inner barriers — from decades of repression — that need to be broken until I embrace the Truth...Sandra M. Lopeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00008119198361090865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-30293599076711642662016-04-12T09:54:41.238-07:002016-04-12T09:54:41.238-07:00Last but not least, the issue about the totem, as ...Last but not least, the issue about the totem, as a means for crossdreamers to somehow 'find a balance' in their lives — by getting in touch with their totem — is very interesting, mostly because it uses the imagination in order to secure that balance. Now, I have no idea what contemporary psychologists would think of that, all I can say is what my own psychologist told me to do. It did surprise me, and it might surprise a few of you as well, so let me share it briefly.<br /><br />I started seeing doctors because my depression stopped me from working, and sadly I cannot afford to spend my life without working :P so I needed to do something about that. Because it was closely linked to my gender dysphoria, I went to specialists in that field.<br /><br />I told them that transition was not really an option — not because I didn't desire it, but because I was keenly aware how hard it would be to get a job and survive as a transexual in my country. While active transphobia (violence, aggression, ostracism, etc.) might not be prevalent in my country, we definitely have passive transphobia (not getting a job, not being able to rent a flat in certain neighbourhoods, etc.). With transition <i>not</i> being an option, I had to somehow 'fix myself' so that I could work normally again, get rid of the depression, and get rid of the gender dysphoria as well.<br /><br />My psychologist's solution was: 'Work from home dressed as Sandra'.<br /><br />Now, I was baffled. I was expecting rather the opposite, i.e. some kind of mild aversion therapy to let me realize that 'becoming Sandra' is not realistic, that 'Sandra' is just a mental construct (as well as 'gender') and as such I should slowly let it go, and so forth. Instead, rather drastically, what I was instructed to do was to spend as much time as possible, every day, as Sandra, and do my work.<br /><br />Sandra M. Lopeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00008119198361090865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-10997996728898746052016-04-12T09:34:45.303-07:002016-04-12T09:34:45.303-07:00For instance, and although Felix starts from the a...For instance, and although Felix starts from the assumption of binary sex and gender, it is also clear that if 'behaving according to one's gender' triggers the dopamine circuits to induce pleasure, such triggering will be different for different people, due to a huge variety of possible causes. That, in turn, would explain why some people act and behave with varying degrees of 'maleness' and 'femaleness' — because the dopamine circuits are triggered differently. For asexual or agender people, the circuits might not work at all. And, of course, if they're incorrectly wired — as Felix suggests — it would explain why crossdreamers get pleasure from imagining themselves as the opposite gender. It does make a lot of sense, and, yes, it allows for a wide variety of possibilities — not merely 'binary' ones — as well as explaining how education/socialization also plays a role: we <i>need</i> to know a bit about gender roles in our society in order for the dopamine circuits to be triggered. In fact, this very same mechanism would also explain a lot of childhood traumas, where 'wrong' social roles were 'forced' upon the child, as well as 'wrong' sexuality (child abuse), and this would make the dopamine circuits in this case be triggered by <i>different</i> imaging than what the average person (i.e. the ones without such traumas) would experience. But we could extend Felix's proposal even further, and explain, for instance, why daughters of single mothers are much more likely to be single mothers as well — in this case, even with heteronormal cisgenderity, the mother would present her daughter a slightly different female social role than what the average mother would present, and it would be <i>that</i> social role — not the society's stereotypical role — that would trigger the dopamine pleasure circuits.<br /><br />This is truly clever, and I think it will deserve a blog post to explore further :)Sandra M. Lopeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00008119198361090865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-5328470808834658212016-04-12T09:34:32.187-07:002016-04-12T09:34:32.187-07:00A few things always bothered me in the contemporar...A few things always bothered me in the contemporary descriptions of biological origins of gender, and that's mostly because somehow, gender is 'supposed' to be <i>mostly</i> hardwired somewhere in the brain. Thus, small boys will play boy games, while girls will prefer girl games, and we have lots of reports suggesting that this happens independently of the actual culture or society. In other words, all societies tend to have binary gender roles. It's obvious that those roles are not identical across epochs and cultures, but we have little evidence from societies that do <i>not</i> have two main (binary) gender roles (even if some societies allow for other genders, and some of those 'third genders' have special religious significance and therefore social impact, these societies nevertheless still acknowledge two 'main' genders). It's also obvious that we cannot be 'born' knowing that cars and weapons are for boys, and dolls are for girls, because such information cannot be encoded in the brain and passed to future generations through genes :) so obviously small boys and girls, after experimentation, will gravitate towards the social stereotypes according to their assigned gender. How is that explained?<br /><br />Felix is clever. He suggests merely that such 'attraction to one's assigned gender' is connected, somehow, to the dopamine circuits. In other words: we are rewarded if we are somehow 'fitting in' the 'right' gender role for our assigned gender. And how does that happen? Through interaction, education, visual stimulation, we 'learn' what gender role is appropriate for us, and once we replicate that gender role and express it ourselves, we get the dopamine circuits rewarding that choice. In effect, boys will feel 'pleasure' if they do what boys are supposed to do, and they feel 'awkward' if they start doing girls' stuff. In other words: while obviously behaviours and appearance are socially conditioned, the rewarding mechanism is not. We somehow need to learn what our society gives us as role models for each gender, but once we learn that, the rewarding mechanism kicks into place, and that means that we have successfully 'learned' to act our gender role, <i>because doing so is pleasurable</i>.<br /><br />I have no idea if this is a truly original idea of Felix's, but I find it absolutely fascinating, and, yes, it explains <i>quite</i> a lot.<br /><br />Sandra M. Lopeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00008119198361090865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-41585172890632793462016-04-12T09:34:09.422-07:002016-04-12T09:34:09.422-07:00Heh. It's not often that I happen to stumble u...Heh. It's not often that I happen to stumble upon a conversation about a book where its author also participates, so hopefully I'm not going to say anything incredibly stupid and make a fool of myself...<br /><br />So I've finished reading Felix's book a while ago. Twice. Perhaps, like Carah Maisie said on the <a href="http://crossdreamlife.lefora.com/reply/2982/review-Felix-new-ebook-crossdreaming-art-transgender#reply-2982" rel="nofollow">Crossdreamlife forum</a>, I may need to read it a few times to make sure I got it completely...<br /><br />There were a few first impressions, though. I was a bit confused about its <i>structure</i>: it jumps from theories to thoughts experiments to... a few examples of transgender erotica. But the last examples are actually meant to introduce the notion that crossdreamers have an 'internal totem' — the 'inner female', or Jack's 'ponyo' — and thoroughly explain it. And the book also has a very abrupt finish. Or so I felt. In a sense, I guess that Felix got me baffled and confused by the book's structure :) but perhaps that was his intention from the very start. Or perhaps he's introducing post-modern writing styles into philosophical, academic books :) Whatever, I love his witticisms and humour, and I'm sure I'll get used to his style of writing and not get distracted by it to capture the essential of his ideas.<br /><br />I see that the main issues that some commenters (both here and at the forums) have are about Felix's usage of 'binary sex' (and its connection to 'gender') as a way to progress along the explanations — since many crossdreamers and other transgender people would claim that neither sex, nor gender, are binary (but I don't know if they are in the majority!). However, I also believe that this is not really important. The interesting bit is about the drunken Irish minion hypothesis, i.e. that crossdreamers have the dopamine cable miswired, and actually get sexual/erotic pleasure when thinking/acting/manifesting themselves as a different gender from the one assigned at birth.<br /><br />Now this made quite a lot of sense to me, and, while unproven, it somehow points the way to explain a (possible) biological origin for crossdreaming, but in a quite different way than what current research is trying to find. In other words, Felix moves away from what researchers are currently trying to find — that there are different structures in the brain that potentially will make a brain think in a 'more masculine' or 'more feminine' way — and proposes a much simpler mechanism, relying on a 'broken' connection in the dopamine pleasure-inducing mechanisms.<br /><br />This is actually a very intriguing hypothesis, and I think that Felix is pretty close to truth (even though, of course, we still don't know how exactly certain <i>images</i> in the brain activate the dopamine circuits — we just know they do — and it's still early to postulate any mechanism in the brain that might work as Felix describes it).<br /><br />Sandra M. Lopeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00008119198361090865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-44351435044556554682016-04-11T02:33:20.655-07:002016-04-11T02:33:20.655-07:004.
My totem has a car crash and loses her looks b...4.<br /><br />My totem has a car crash and loses her looks because as long as she's beautiful she ends up as a source of dysphoria. The main objective of good mental health for a gender variant person is to accept their body. Thus, Stephanie loses her beauty but is still Stephanie the powerful, cool, intelligent woman. I am at peace because I know that I am male and male bodied and will always be male and male bodied but I have Stephanie's spirit and charm and wit and soul. I also found very useful (I will publish another day) the inverse story where Stephanie wakes up in his body with his shitty life and his shitty prospects. In fact, this part of the story is much more interesting because the real Stephanie is irrevocably stuck in a male body. She chooses not to transition and just make do with what she has. <br /><br />5.<br /><br />I want to make it absolutely clear that I do not regard crossdreamer sexuality as an error. My choice of a drunken minion may have been a mistake in this respect. So called 'errors' are known as 'variance.' Variance is of absolute fundamental importance in the development of organisms. Therefore, although the majority of humans are cisgender and hetero that is not what nature 'intended'... it is just that they dominate statistically. I believe that homosexuality and gender variance exist in order to ensure variance of all kinds in human society and culture. I would also point out that just as worker bees are sterile (thus the whole DNA passing thing on seems not relevant) the whole community depends on them and noone could pass on DNA without them. <br /><br />6.<br /><br />I don't go for a Banchard style 'crosdreaming is like an orientation.' A sexuality is either an orientation or isn't. I believe we don't have an orientation because orientation leads to a specific direction. We radiate in all directions. We get turned on by others, by ourself as imagined others, by men, by women... we are awesome. I hope to better communicate in the future why I think we are privileged to have the sexuality we do.<br /><br />Conclusion.<br /><br />I'm so sorry, I can't write more...but with children, bills etc... I have to get back to work. I will publish my new book soon. Now that I've shocked Jack sufficiently I am going back to more traditional, transgender directions.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02835981030677245531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-30320956063905288782016-04-11T02:28:06.172-07:002016-04-11T02:28:06.172-07:00Thankyou all - you have given me much to think abo...Thankyou all - you have given me much to think about. Especial thanks to Carah (lovely name) for such a detailed analysis. I wish you all lived here in my town and we could all have a study group to discuss these things (however, with my involvement it would soon no doubt degenerate into a booze-fest). <br /><br />1.<br /><br />I'm currently writing a book that is great fun to create. I will keep the title a mystery. I mention it because as a direct result of your comments I have had to add a chapter on the importance of animal behaviour and evolutionary biology for understanding gender and sexuality. I am flabergasted at some of the comments on evolution and procreation. To say sex wasn't designed for procreation is like saying a fish's gills weren't designed to let him breathe. What I think you mean is that like many things, homo sapiens has been liberated from strict functional sex and now sex can exist for any number of reasons - pleasure, an expresion of love or proceation. We certainly can asign purpose to nature and evolution; however, it is not prupose as we think of it. I firmly firmly recommend that you read The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins and River out of Eden and The Selfish Gene (read it again now you're older and wiser). The purpose of life is not to pass on DNA but if we examine life in an engineering sense it is very clear that all functions and all behaviours ultimately derive from the desire to pass on DNA. Now - in today's world - this is changing in humans as it seems nature wants us to pass on units of cultural information (no time to explain but please read Dawkins).<br /><br />When we use evoltion to study sexuality or behavior we do so - not because it shows its almighty 'purpose' but because it usually reveals some important insights into the design or pattern of an organ or behavior or process. Yes, we live in the twenty first century and can choose to have or not have sex and many thngs are different, but the machinery and process with which sexuality was created does not come from today... it stretches back millions of years. <br /><br />Furthermore, just because we establish the 'purpose' of an organ or sexual behavioir that doesn't mean it is its existential purpose. <br /><br />I already can imagine how you will formulate your objections, but let's not bother with this topc more until i can write about it at length. It is something I feel very passionate about. <br /><br /><br /><br />2. <br /><br />Yes, I can understand the frustration a crossdeamer would have with the stephanie's not wanting to be in that body but I made a cocious decision to not write erotica. If he was like us...it would have been the fulfillment of a fantasy and I didn't wanna get side tracked with the erotic complications - delicious as they would be. I also wanted to explore if a hetero cisgender guy would get turned on by having a female body. I think he would.<br /><br />3.<br /><br />I decided to add the erotica sections primarily to shock Jack. Sorry, only joking (though that was part of it). I feel like I've portrayed myself as a bit of a vanilla crossdreamer. I wanted to demonstrate that I'm just as chocolate chip as the next crossdremer and I read a lot of erotica and have found some real literary merit in certain works.<br /><br />In general, though, I wanted to offer a more sexual explanation for crossdreaming and gender variance. That way, Ive provided my community with three distinct options and let the individual choose. <br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02835981030677245531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-51256460036923894412016-04-10T08:41:00.142-07:002016-04-10T08:41:00.142-07:00> But I must admit I am a bit at loss at what t...> But I must admit I am a bit at loss at what transgender people can do, if not imagining themselves as their target gender. <br /><br />I didn't mean that quite so negatively ;) We are all more than just the duality of our selves and our contrasexual selves, we are dreamers of all sorts of things as well as crossdreamers. I used Robert Johnson's book <a href="https://ia902700.us.archive.org/30/items/InnerWorkUsingDreamsActiveImaginationForPersonalGrowth/Inner%20Work%20-%20Using%20Dreams%20&%20Active%20Imagination%20For%20Personal%20Growth.pdf" rel="nofollow">Inner Work</a> to start with, on other aspects of life, so I had reasonable experience of using active imagination. I have encountered other psychopomps and figures of both genders using active imagination, and most of the time my active imagination 'dreamer' is male.<br /><br />> I mean, crossdressing is one way of expressing that other side and making her tangible. <br /><br />True, and it shows the power of the subliminal content of the totem for the transgendered, which active imagination can amplify. I guess not starting with 'her' but something less polarised is sort of like the way you learn to ride a bike in the park, rather than on a busy dual carriageway. I'm totally with Felix that there are rewards to be had with active imagination though.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-48401080564438353152016-04-10T04:12:03.927-07:002016-04-10T04:12:03.927-07:00Sorry about the Lefora gender question over at Cro...Sorry about the Lefora gender question over at Crossdream Life. I have asked them to add a third option, and they tell me that they are considering it. We will see.<br /><br />Jung's warning about the risks involved in active imagining is worth repeating. But I must admit I am a bit at loss at what transgender people can do, if not imagining themselves as their target gender. In other words: Many trans people will make use of various kind of imagining, even if they have never heard about Jung. I mean, crossdressing is one way of expressing that other side and making her tangible. <br /><br />And if they are gender dysphoric, and does their best to avoid thinking about this side of their soul, that may actually make things worse.<br /><br />When crossdreamers ask me about this, I normally suggest that they should get some kind of help, i.e a place to vent and talk about their feelings, and especially of the feel overwhelmed by all the feelings released by this part of them.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-33935759091278475662016-04-09T08:06:43.525-07:002016-04-09T08:06:43.525-07:00I enjoyed Felix's book, and I discovered it fr...I enjoyed Felix's book, and I discovered it from reading this article. I couldn't quite jump over the lefora question on gender which seemed curious - to sign up and post there, though I am an ordinary MTF crossdresser I would post as the woman-form Linda ;)<br /><br />I was glad to come across Felix's last part about using active imagination - I have used that since retiring early which is part of the process of individuation (I think I read somewhere else on your wide ranging site the midlife re-evaluation as an explanation for late-transitioning MTFs). And I found the totem rewarding, though curiously split - one is the me dressed up, the other is closer to Felix's totem description, she had not had the quarterlife crisis I had at university, and in the active imagination she stayed working in London in the upscale district, she was poised and elegant but age-appropriate. IRL I failed that quarterlife crisis and buried it for years, it was a surprise to find not all of me failed it, particularly after 30 years. Felix's narrative of the totam matched well, I didn't need his warning notes on the mirror to get to a similar destination, and independently because I did that before reading this article. It's nice to read notes from a fellow traveller in innerspace and recognise the odd waystation. Each of our journeys is unique but as Jung's archetypes and Campbell's the hero of a thousand faces tell us the threads that weave the picture have similarities.<br /><br />I've used active imagination on and off in other areas, perhaps a note of warning from Jung himself would be in order - in <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=9eY4CQAAQBAJ&lpg=PA3024&ots=7ueV1yRYO3&dq=jung%20active%20imagination%20overpower&pg=PA3024#v=onepage&q=jung%20active%20imagination%20overpower&f=false" rel="nofollow">Collected Works</a> he says<br /><br />"A danger is the subliminal contents already possess such a high energy charge that, when afforded an outlet by active imagination, they may overpower the conscious mind and take possession of the personality"<br /><br />maybe a health warning to try active imagination with other things first ;) I had trepidation when I first tried it with Linda - after all this subliminal content clearly does possess a high energy charge, it makes me wear a dress at times which is virtually taboo for a man in wider society so it has clout. But it was okay. I came back and still have no desire to transition (while respecting the wide spectrum of transgenderism and differences etc)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-62029713942433433092016-04-08T00:29:45.086-07:002016-04-08T00:29:45.086-07:00Thank you very much! The review is available here...Thank you very much! The review is <a href="http://crossdreamlife.lefora.com/reply/2982/review-Felix-new-ebook-crossdreaming-art-transgender#reply-2982" rel="nofollow">available here.</a>Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-86671836007446402492016-04-07T22:43:46.768-07:002016-04-07T22:43:46.768-07:00I finally wrote a proper review of Felix's boo...I finally wrote a proper review of Felix's book at the Crossdream Life. I hope that it might add something to the discussion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-77055006197587769632016-04-05T03:52:02.008-07:002016-04-05T03:52:02.008-07:00//I've been following the website for a long t... //I've been following the website for a long time and it seems that both the author of the book and the creator of the website are very eager to label people as transgender and encourage them to transition.//<br /><br />No. That is not correct.<br /><br />Felix' is actually mainly writing about how to live as a crossdreamer <i>without</i> transitioning. This was the main topic of his <a href="http://amzn.to/1PRmx8t" rel="nofollow">previous book.</a><br /><br />I have argued over and over again that I believe being transgender is to find yourself in a complex multidimensional continuum of sexuality and gender, and that for the majority of crossdreamers transitioning will not be an option. <br /><br />However, I have also argued that some crossdreamers do suffer from severe gender dysphoria and that they therefore at least should reflect on the possibility of transitioning. Being a crossdreamer should not, in itself, stop you from transitioning. Crossdreaming does not invalidate your identity.<br /><br />//I am pretty sure that MOST OF YOU don't dream about being A WOMAN and POWERFUL, DOMINATING a man do you?//<br /><br />If you through your own psychotherapy has found a solution to your problem by concluding that this is a matter of some kind of power-dynamics, that's fine.<br /><br />However, you are wrong if you think this is the case for all - or even most - crossdreamers, FTM or MTF. I do not dream about being a submissive woman dominated by a man. My inner woman knows how to kick ass (as what I have done here with this blog and in the trans community clearly reflects). <br /><br />And even if Felix explores humiliation fantasies in this book, you will see which you can see from his description of his own "totem," Stephanie, that his "other side" is not on any way a one-dimensional, weak and submissive woman. <br /><br />Sure, some crossdreamers have such fantasies, which should come as no surprise given the misogyny of our culture and the stigma attached to men and trans women dreaming of living as women. But no, this is not something you find among all MTF crossdreamers, in the same way that not all FTM crossdreamers share your fascination for being the dominant male. <br /><br />And, as <a href="http://juliaserano.blogspot.no/2015/05/reconceptualizing-autogynephilia-as_26.html" rel="nofollow">Julia Serano so often has explained,</a> for many trans women humiliation fantasies are just a phase on a journey to a more balanced sense of self. Their cross-gender identity remains, though. <br /><br />I would strongly urge you to read what both Felix and I write before you start telling the world what we truly believe and argue for. It would probably also have helped if you actually read this blog post before you started criticizing me for misrepresenting cis women's sexuality. All of your bullet points are actually addressed in this very post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.crossdreamers.com/2013/01/i-feel-pretty-on-autgynephilic-woman.html" rel="nofollow">You will find more arguments about cis and trans women "feeling sexy" in this post. </a><br /><a href="http://transcendmovement.com/the-new-transphobia-masochistic-emasculation-fetish-theory/" rel="nofollow">I also suggest you read Felix' wonderful deconstruction of the "trans is a fetish" argument.</a><br /><br /><br /><br />Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-21499207853533010982016-04-04T13:28:05.934-07:002016-04-04T13:28:05.934-07:00I'm sorry but you're misleading people. I&...I'm sorry but you're misleading people. I've been following the website for a long time and it seems that both the author of the book and the creator of the website are very eager to label people as transgender and encourage them to transition. As a woman who was an autoandrophile I cured it with therapy sessions, I had absent father issues I got off by watching men degrading women, I created a male gaze inside that looked at females like shit and wanted to hurt them sexually, humiliated them. I thought I was trans. I was looking from this imagined hairy, strong and loveless man's pov which representeded power and general picture of manhood the way man looked at sex with a woman. It turned out that it was just my imagination, I realized I was dissociationg during masturbation, his enjoyment and sexuality was more important than mine and I truly believe that was what females deserved. but I dissociated myself from that femininty. In fact, it turned out that I was not getting off being this hairy man but just being powerful,I was having control over the thing I couldn't in real life. I associated power with manhood no other way was possible women couldn't be powerful.<br />Now according to you, this means I am trans and I am at core a hairy man, loveless, raw man who wants to treat people like shit? I am the very opposite actually very petite, girly and emotional. I tried to gain what I couldn't in real life. <br /><br />From my point of view as woman, what you guys feel "my feminine side" is the feeling of being fragile, passive, being forced to sex by a strong male figure, being humiliated and feeling sexy and dirty. I am pretty sure that MOST OF YOU don't dream about being A WOMAN and POWERFUL, DOMINATING a man do you? This is very misogynistic and I believe that most of the heterosexual men here are influenced by the porn and it becomes even more apparent by having a male figure who has "no face" just like in porn. The humiliation factor is always but always present in these fantasies why do you think? As for the cross"dressers" why do you think they're all men, why aren't there women who get off by cross"dressing", isn't it because only women's clothing are sexualized? Would a woman get off by a thought of boxers? Women don't get off by wearing their own sexy clothes let me tell you as a woman myself and have many female friends. Most of these heterosexual men are conditioned and probably have some unresolved issues from chilhood. These what you call femininty is an "emotion" you repress, you can't have or express in real life. You believe you know how women fantasize, you show proofs that you're women by giving examples from it that's why I want to clarify what is true what is not. I am very offended by the fact that you represent femininity as how you percieve in your own minds, let me tell you how a woman fantasises. <br />1. Most of the women don't fantasize about humiliation as you do, they imagine their boyfriend or a total stranger and focus on the act instead of any of the bodies, focus on emotions.<br />2.Women don't think of their own bodies,they don't imagine to be a sexy woman.<br />3. Women don't have this faceless man in their dreams as you do, it's the opposite actually. <br /><br />This my experience please remember.I just tried to help some people who may be having issues or feel depressed and confused who try to get rid of it. During my therapy this site just gave me more confusion and anxiety I became more and more dissociated that's why I wanted to inform you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-66770087653063913142016-04-03T02:59:13.617-07:002016-04-03T02:59:13.617-07:00@-J
There is a discussion on Zinnia Jones' re...@-J<br /><br /><a href="http://crossdreamlife.lefora.com/topic/362/Zinnia-Jones-take-on-crossdreaming-and-trans-identities#.VwDpHRJ95E4" rel="nofollow">There is a discussion on Zinnia Jones' review of Alice Dreger's book over at Crossdream Life.</a>Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-7072248789025380922016-04-02T20:46:42.838-07:002016-04-02T20:46:42.838-07:00http://genderanalysis.net/2016/04/alice-dreger-aut...http://genderanalysis.net/2016/04/alice-dreger-autogynephilia-and-the-misrepresentation-of-trans-sexualities-book-review-galileos-middle-finger/<br /><br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com