tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post6624027931380400394..comments2024-02-25T22:43:04.662-08:00Comments on Crossdreamers: Childhood experiences and gender identity developmentSally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-18551887799602270522016-01-22T16:43:30.789-08:002016-01-22T16:43:30.789-08:00I have to chime in on the small penis comments, as...I have to chime in on the small penis comments, as I have both a rather small penis and a rather breastly looking chest for a "male". As a crossdreamer I actually really like both qualities, but it took quite a while for me to discover myself as a crossdreamer (transvestite fetish according to my old therapist), and wasn't okay or comfortable with either until then. In settings where I had to shower with men (e.g. a gym) I got comments rarely, but when I did get them it was very disturbing to me; in fact I reacted by laughing with them at me and just tried to ignore it and limit my exposure to other males. I still don't having to be subjected to males that may or may not have something to say about my rather unusual appearance if looking at what you think is a 100% male in the shower room, and do avoid it if I can. I can take the remarks, but don't like wondering when or if someone may say something.<br /><br />Oddly, to me at least, I do like receiving feed back from women who acknowledge my appearance, but most go in the other direction and try to comfort me by telling me my penis isn't too small. The male breasts only come up when I bring it up with my wife, but she knows that I would actually like them to be a little bigger and am perfectly fine with how I look as is she. That kind of goes for my penis size as I actually would prefer if it were a little smaller as it lends to a more androgynous appearance than I have now; but would like to match how I feel about myself. I don't push either issue with talk of cosmetic surgery or anything of that nature, as if my breasts got any bigger I would go from question mark (formerly fat is what most think) to 'those are breasts, not pects. With the penis size I'm fortunate it isn't any smaller than it is, and despite the look that I would love, it would be too small to satisfy my wife as it already pops out enough to be distracting at times. Honestly, she says it isn't too small, but I know it is and that if it were a little bigger that intimacy would be more satisfying for her. We have ways of more than making up for it, but I'm just sharing from A to Z for the benefit of readers who have similar questions.<br /><br />Thanks for the opportunity to bare my chest, pardon the pun, and thanks for all you do!<br /><br />JessieJessiehttp://jessietv.livejournal.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-3028089772990796812012-11-25T14:55:53.805-08:002012-11-25T14:55:53.805-08:00I might have told this a lot of times, but my &quo...I might have told this a lot of times, but my "crossdreaming" began the next day i had an erection issue and homosexual OCD, during which time i tried to think gross thoughts about other men and being a male to reduce unwanted sexual thoughts. But it lead to AGP and overglorifying feminity or females. I had no issues during my childhood and i think i was just an ordinary, yet sensitive boy. I got picked a lot and i always found other men scary for being stronger than me. But i never had any cross-gender fantasies during my childhood or teens. But i had some submissive and homosexual fantasies as a male, yet those males were usually faceless. My sexual fantasies were almost all the time straight.<br /><br />So yes, i strongly believe nurture and development affects us very much! At least how we view ourselves.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09273905611748020119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-79221287971103610122010-10-04T06:44:15.149-07:002010-10-04T06:44:15.149-07:00@ilas
I'll check your site out. Seems interes...@ilas<br /><br />I'll check your site out. Seems interesting.xxNPxxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-37855603988829692342010-10-04T02:33:29.349-07:002010-10-04T02:33:29.349-07:00@ Anonymous (October 3, 2010 11:50 PM).
As you kn...@ Anonymous (October 3, 2010 11:50 PM).<br /><br />As you know by now, this is not my blog. I do however have my own blog and it can be found here:<br /><br />crossdreaming-ilas.blogspot.comilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-65180550829251867522010-10-04T00:10:32.456-07:002010-10-04T00:10:32.456-07:00@ xxNPxx,
thank you for telling us about your exp...@ xxNPxx,<br /><br />thank you for telling us about your experiences xxNPxx. Talking about it can really help. It did for me anyway.<br /><br />By the way...talking about porn...I have recently written an article about that on my own blog (crossdreaming-ilas.blogspot.com). I am not saying that it applies directly to you of course, but you may find it interesting (?).<br /><br />ilasilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-31871756489871226162010-10-04T00:09:04.704-07:002010-10-04T00:09:04.704-07:00About first orgasm on purpose (I may have had some...About first orgasm on purpose (I may have had some when sleeping) = <br /><br />I tried to play the role of the man who is on the girl and moved my body on the floor.<br /><br />I end up ejacuating. I probably like it as a short time later I found out that it was easier to touch the penis with the hand and move the hand than moving the whole body !!<br /><br />Conclusion = I wasn't touching my penis so much otherwise I would have masturbated directly with the hand.<br /><br />I also remind having found porno magazine in which some pics of a dick covered with sperm next to a pussy was displayed. <br /><br />Probably that I also saw a pic of penetration as I remember well my feeling = I felt DISGUSTED by the white sperm and thought that the inside of the pussy pit the sperm on the dick, that somewhat the girl was full of white liquid inside her body and that a man who puts his dick a in woman end up with a dirty dick.<br /><br />May be it explain why I don't like so much to penetrate.<br /><br />I may have seen this before my first ejaculation as I was surprised by the white liquid.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-24991325157967761762010-10-03T23:50:22.963-07:002010-10-03T23:50:22.963-07:00I didn'nt see any article from Ilas. First I t...I didn'nt see any article from Ilas. First I thought that Ilas was the owner of the blog but afterwards catch that he was not.<br /><br />I know the difference between sexual orientation and sexual identity. But as you stressed it somewhere in your blog, there is a link as a DRAG who was not gay when he was a man will tend to become "gay" and have sex with men once in DRAG withoyt feeling gay and knowing that he is a man and not a woman.<br /><br />I understand it even better that I live it !!!!<br /><br />In fact, Drag tend to conform to gender role untill having a female orientation once in DRAG. <br /><br />But you know that many people can be gay and ine the same time refuse to face this reality. That one can have no feelings for men and be gay. He just is not capable to support the idea of beeing gay.<br /><br />Telling "I am not gay at ALL" sounds like someone gay who tried hard to convince himself that he os not gay as all people are more or less gay.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-29967797275263097592010-10-03T23:25:34.442-07:002010-10-03T23:25:34.442-07:00Interesting thread. Interesting discussion.
Well...Interesting thread. Interesting discussion. <br /><br />Well I just wanted to throw my bit in as well.<br /><br />First of all I've never had any serious pain with my penis or testicles (thankfully). I have no reason, need, or want to simply lop it off. And I'm not sure I really would want to if I had an opportunity to trade it in for a vagina.<br /><br />I've considered myself, not really male for quite some time. I figured I had a feminine side because I had some traits that were more feminine then anything else. Basically my mind feels as if it's both sexes, trapped in side of a body, regardless of gender. <br /><br />I do remember in the first grade, being called on for a an assignment were we talk about what we liked. The boys talked about one thing, and the girls talked about another. I told my teacher, I would like to do this, and that, but if I was a girl I would like to do something else instead. No real humiliation from it but still, it's interesting. <br /><br />I did have an interesting orgasm experience though. Instead of learning to masturbate by grabbing my penis I had an prostate orgasm first. While doing home work I moved my chair with wheels forward while still sitting. It felt funny and slightly good. I never noticed it before and did the same motion again. It felt good. I kept doing it until I realized I could grind my ass into the chair and get a bit of pleasure. Eventually I would do it faster and then I would orgasm, having my first orgasm ever. I tried it again the next day, grabbing the chair and pulling it towards my ass even more. I thought it was erotic to watch my bare ass orgasm while I was humping the chair.<br /><br />Eventually I did some anal play, and found a pair of panties my mom had. Fast forward nearly 5 years and after discovering porn, I realized that porn femdom porn was the biggest turn on ever. Then I found feminization which was an even bigger turn on. <br /><br />A lot of what has lead me to where I am has been internal and uncontrollable. Nurture has only shown me how far I can take it, and how I can enjoy myself in new ways. I don't think I would have changed all that much if I was in a different environment.xxNPxxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-21179030443698674402010-10-03T06:41:03.992-07:002010-10-03T06:41:03.992-07:00There is one topic that pops up over and over agai...There is one topic that pops up over and over again, and that is the idea about being gay. A common understanding is that if you have any fantasies about being taken by a man, you have to be gay. <br /><br />That is understandable, as we cannot expect most people to have a deep understanding of the crossdreamer psyche. Heck, we are struggling hard to understand this ourselves.<br /><br />Still, it helps to keep the following two aspects of sexuality apart:<br /><br />1. Gender identification (who you want to be in your fantasy, including a man or a woman)<br /><br />2. Sexual orientation (who you are attracted to, i.e. the kind of body type and psyche you are attracted to, including male or female)<br /><br />Most crossdreamers are attracted to women. I.e. they are attracted to the female body, and fall in love with women. However, since they dream of being women, they also often fantasize about being the receiving part in intercourse, and in that context they may dream about being taken by a man. This does not mean that they are attracted to men in general or that they are gay.<br /><br />Secondly, we must also be open to the possibility that many crossdreamers are bisexual, even if they primarily fall in love with women. Being bisexual is not the same as being gay.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-22334884017378301112010-10-03T02:43:58.269-07:002010-10-03T02:43:58.269-07:00Answers to your questions from October 1, 2010 6:1...Answers to your questions from October 1, 2010 6:13 PM:<br /><br />1 – Correct. But again you want to put every AGP person in the same “box” and are assuming things again.<br /><br />2 – Correct. The only gay feelings I have inside are directed to girls when I think of myself as a girl.<br /><br />3 – Correct, but I do not search for it.<br /><br />4 – No, I do not imagine they see me as a woman (that would be silly). I tend to feel more as a woman because a man is looking at me with a sexual interest.<br /><br />5 – I never said I never wore women’s clothes. In fact I did as I have written in my article. And I have also never said that I have not had sex with men. In fact I have had sex with two men and I have also mentioned this in the article. And no, this does not necessarily make me gay because I was not attracted to them but only used them as “faceless dildo’s” to benefit my own fantasies.<br /><br /><br />I hope this clears things up for you Anonymous.<br /><br />Again I do not intend to offend you, but I do feel that when you had paid more attention when you read my article, a lot of your answers would have already been answered. I also feel that you should assume a lot less and think outside your own box a bit more. <br /><br />Not everyone is the same and not everyone is like you. The AGP “umbrella” is pretty big (and growing) and there is a place for all of us beneath it.<br /><br />Have a nice day!ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-2452135141238067662010-10-03T02:43:20.542-07:002010-10-03T02:43:20.542-07:00- I never said I “searched for men’s look”, I said...- I never said I “searched for men’s look”, I said I like it when a man looks at me with a sexual interest. And as a straight man would never do this I settle for the gay man doing this.<br />I see how this could confuse you, as it did to me once too.<br /><br />- You say I don’t consider myself a woman like transsexual people do. This is again another assumption, two in fact. One you assume that I am not like that, and two you pretend to know how all other trans people feel.<br /><br />- It is not about them seeing a woman in me. It is about me being able to fantasise being looked at by men as a woman. The men are just faceless props that help me feel like a woman.<br /><br />- I indeed do not dress in women’s clothes because I think I look silly in them. This is because I look like a man dressed in women’s clothes (I have tried this once or twice) and to me that is just not satisfying. I can perfectly fantasise about being a woman without having to look at myself in their clothes.<br /><br />- I never said I want to be seen as a woman either. I merely said I like to feel like a woman.<br />Sure I want to BE one too, but that is just not going to happen now is it. So I have to make due with what I got and can.<br /><br />- You assume (again) that my conclusion about not being gay is invalid. Believe me I am not gay. I am not attracted to men in the slightest. I just use them to make me feel like a woman (on the inside).<br /><br />- I have also not said (or thought) that you cannot help me. I learn from a lot of people. I just don’t think your points and line of thinking for that matter are in line with my own and how I feel.<br /><br />- No I have not seen a shrink, nor do I believe I need one. <br /><br />- No. I am not a narcissist, nor am I borderline. These “disorders” do not necessarily have to be connected to being AGP, gay or whatever. More assumptions.ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-51072911552346264982010-10-02T03:41:54.608-07:002010-10-02T03:41:54.608-07:00@ Anonymous,
It was not my intention to offend yo...@ Anonymous,<br /><br />It was not my intention to offend you in any way. If it seemed like that, then I apologise.<br />Anyway, seen that you are so adamant in having your questions answered...here goes:<br /><br />Answers to your questions from October 1, 2010 5:49 PM:<br /><br />- No, I didn't say (or mean) that you are stupid. Those are your words not mine. There is no need to be so defensive.<br /><br />- I am "telling my life here" to get some stuff out of my head, to understand myself better and to get an intelligent discussion with other people about this. However, to me your line of questioning feels aggressive and assumptious and it feels like you are pushing your own ideas about this and think that I am the same way. This is not so.<br /><br />- I do not refuse to reply to your question about my parents (another assumption), I just haven’t done so yet.<br /><br />- I never said I though that my parents don’t count (another assumption), in fact I know that parents play a huge part in someone’s life. To answer your question about this: I have very loving parents that are very open about everything including sex and gender orientation. So there.<br /><br />- You calling my traumatizing accident in my youth stupid is just plain aggressive hurtful and uncivilized.<br /><br />- “What kid never had a ball problem?” Is just another assumption on your part.ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-63141712635138120652010-10-02T03:35:36.841-07:002010-10-02T03:35:36.841-07:00@ Anonymous,
It was not my intention to offend yo...@ Anonymous,<br /><br />It was not my intention to offend you in any way. If it seemed like that, then I apologise.<br />Anyway, seen that you are so adamant in having your questions answered...here goes:<br /><br />Answers to your questions from October 1, 2010 5:49 PM:<br /><br />- No, I didn't say (or mean) that you are stupid. Those are your words not mine. There is no need to be so defensive.<br /><br />- I am "telling my life here" to get some stuff out of my head, to understand myself better and to get an intelligent discussion with other people about this. However, to me your line of questioning feels aggressive and assumptious and it feels like you are pushing your own ideas about this and think that I am the same way. This is not so.<br /><br />- I do not refuse to reply to your question about my parents (another assumption), I just haven’t done so yet.<br /><br />- I never said I though that my parents don’t count (another assumption), in fact I know that parents play a huge part in someone’s life. To answer your question about this: I have very loving parents that are very open about everything including sex and gender orientation. So there.<br /><br />- You calling my traumatizing accident in my youth stupid is just plain aggressive hurtful and uncivilized.<br /><br />- “What kid never had a ball problem?” Is just another assumption on your part.ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-88535792560596533842010-10-02T03:34:11.146-07:002010-10-02T03:34:11.146-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-30382822733330298182010-10-02T03:31:51.748-07:002010-10-02T03:31:51.748-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-3789307569478069862010-10-01T18:35:33.574-07:002010-10-01T18:35:33.574-07:00The topic about balls makes me think about some st...The topic about balls makes me think about some stuff about me :<br /><br />1) the forskin of my penis was stuck, I had to see a doc when I was may be 10. I remember a women and a man pulling my skin to allow the penis to be free. It was hurting and I had a pain for several days. But the worst was that I didn't go to school that day and I was afraid to explain why I wasn't there if a teacher was asking me. I was ashamed to tell "I had a problem with my penis". But of course, nobody asked as I only missed 1 day.<br /><br />2) 1 yeat later, a teacher humiliated me in front of the classeroom by asking me to come next to her and by asking me me "why do you tease this girl, do you really think that you are superior to her because of the few cm you have between the legs". I don't remember what I was doing but I remember that I had a feeling of injustice because to me I didn't do anything wrong.<br /><br />3) The skin of my penis is very fragile and I never touch the top of my penis directly. I always touch it through the forskin. So I don't like so much blowjob because it is somewhat tiggling.<br /><br />These are my experiences with my own penis.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-49893714010766936682010-10-01T18:21:56.994-07:002010-10-01T18:21:56.994-07:00Indeed, I talk to ILAS and not to the creator or t...Indeed, I talk to ILAS and not to the creator or the blog who explains clearly in detail his fantacies.<br /><br />ILAS doesn't explain his fantacies and tells that people can not understand...<br /><br />Or course, if you don't explain, nobody can guess !Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-54685324473951967752010-10-01T18:13:15.763-07:002010-10-01T18:13:15.763-07:00Let's see if I uderstand and sum up what I see...Let's see if I uderstand and sum up what I see on your blog =<br /><br />You tell that :<br /><br />1) your main fantacy is to have a women's BODY and you don't seem to care about the other form of AG fantacies which are clothes (wearing sexy clothes mainly), social role and behaviour (for exemple sewing, cooking), biology (periods or having a baby)<br /><br />2) you are 100% not gay (means not even bisexual as actually you like girls and only girls, not even 1% of gay feelings in you)<br /><br />2) you like and search for the look of ALL people (men, women, gay, not gay) but the look of gay men is the most furfilling<br /><br />3) when gay men look at you, you imagine that they see you as a female<br /><br />4) you never wore women' clothes and never had sex with a man<br /><br />Please tell me if is summed up corretly your situation because you expose it completely nowhere on your blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-79796770997240839332010-10-01T17:49:37.485-07:002010-10-01T17:49:37.485-07:00You mean that I am stupid as I can not understand ...You mean that I am stupid as I can not understand when you explain something ?<br /><br />Why telling your life here if you can not argue more than 2 messages when people ask valid question and propose some theories ?<br /><br />Read your messages, read mines and you will see that my questions are valid and logical.<br /><br />For exemple, you refuse to reply to my question on your parents<br /><br />You think that parents don't count and that a stupid accident on your balls count more ? What kid has never had a ball problem ? <br /><br />You clearly tell that :<br /><br />- you not only like but search for men's look when you are a man (sounds pretty gay at first sight all the more since you don't consider yourself as a woman like transexual people and don't look like a woman when these mens look at you, but still you hope that they see the woman in you)<br /><br />- you NEVER dress in women's clothes (rather strange for someone who wants to be seen like a woman, as clothes covers 80% of the body, isn't it ?)<br /><br />You tell me that you did think about beeing gay. May be you should do more than think and start an analysis. If you come to the conclusion that you were not, it necessary means that your conclusion is good ?!!<br /><br />I have been an autogynephile for more than 15 years and I have thought much about myselves and gender and sexual issues so if you think that I can not help you to better understand what you are, who could ?<br /><br />So my questions are :<br /><br />1) How were your parents on sexual topics ? Gay and gender issue ?<br /><br />2) Why do you never dress like a woman ? I know that some people can have fantacies about the body and not clothes but still they sometimes dress to have the illusion that they have the body of a female.<br /><br />3) Have you seen a shrink ? Are you a narcissist or bordeline ? You can not not consider these 2 disorders when you like to be looked at, admired to the point to look for gay men's look while you are not gay.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-57788477137569103512010-10-01T16:44:27.516-07:002010-10-01T16:44:27.516-07:00Dear Anonymous,
I thank you for your comments and...Dear Anonymous,<br /><br />I thank you for your comments and interest, but I fear that no matter how I explain it you will just not understand. <br /><br />I do think it would help if you would think a bit more out of your own box though :-)<br /><br />Take care<br />ilasilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-7478156662542962010-10-01T10:27:15.943-07:002010-10-01T10:27:15.943-07:00But for a mysterious reason, you refuse to be a DR...But for a mysterious reason, you refuse to be a DRAG while you like to think that you area girl.<br /><br />why don't you wear female sexy clothes ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-1380792601871343252010-10-01T10:24:31.722-07:002010-10-01T10:24:31.722-07:00When men look at you, thinking that they see you a...When men look at you, thinking that they see you as woman is a non sense as you look like a man and as they are gay men.<br /><br />The last thing they see in you is a woman !!!!!!<br /><br />To be seen a a girl you need to be looked at by non gay men and so look like a girl and so dress like a sexy bitch.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-81371521448343992952010-10-01T10:19:58.831-07:002010-10-01T10:19:58.831-07:00. As I am not a woman the only way for me to get n.... As I am not a woman the only way for me to get noticed in this way is by gay men. Straight men wouldn't look at me like that and gay men do<br /><br />= You only talked about MEN and worse, GAY MEN.<br /><br />While you could be dressed in drag and looked by none real gay men, by men who look at girls and not at men and so feel like a girl more than when gay men look at you in man.<br /><br />Does it make sense ?<br /><br />I think that you are like me = narcissist who likes to be the star<br /><br />And has women are the star because most people look more at women and because YOU look at women and so you think that all people are like you ans look at girls, you think that beeing a woman is the best way to be the star and so you imagine that you are a girl.<br /><br /><br />You may also be bordeline and because of that have sexual troubles.<br /><br /><br />You didn't tell me about your parents. What do they think about gay men and sexu in general ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-79277725648205331242010-10-01T10:11:00.501-07:002010-10-01T10:11:00.501-07:00Why just looking then ?
Why not have sex with men...Why just looking then ?<br /><br />Why not have sex with men ?<br /><br />You would feel female much more if you have sex with men while dressed on drag than if men llok at you when you are dressed in man.<br /><br />You like when men look at you while you are a man, correct ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-22310417363637590622010-10-01T00:23:27.842-07:002010-10-01T00:23:27.842-07:00@ Anonymous,
I never said I didn't want to be...@ Anonymous,<br /><br />I never said I didn't want to be looked at by girls. In fact I like being looked at by girls and I look at girls myself a lot.<br /><br />That is my masculine side.<br /><br />My feminine side likes to be looked at by men and girls. But when men look it feels more validating because I can imagine them looking at the woman inside me.<br /><br />It's complicated.ilashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980777329263288406noreply@blogger.com