tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post6938955757519909704..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: On male to female crossdreamers and how to establish a romantic relationshipSally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-64710149427572816592013-07-09T00:59:24.581-07:002013-07-09T00:59:24.581-07:00@Artemissy
If you wait until the researchers have...@Artemissy<br /><br />If you wait until the researchers have made up their mind before deciding, you will have to wait long. They know far too little about what is causing this, and there is no concensus. <br /><br />In other words: this is something we have to decide on our own, learning from others like us in the process.<br /><br />I have for many reasons decided that this is not for me, but I will in no way argue that this is a decision that is the right one for all crossdreamers. In fact, I think many will find that not taking the chance wil cause a lot of pain and regret further down the line.<br /><br />This is not only a psychological question about what is right or wrong. It is an existential chocie that ultimately may decide if you are finally allowed to be yourself. Whatever we choose, the price will be high. But not choosing is choosing too.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-913305987887311382013-07-07T10:32:09.994-07:002013-07-07T10:32:09.994-07:00My story is also similar to Josie's. I am furt...My story is also similar to Josie's. I am further down the line, I've only had one girlfriend and that didn't last long (for other reasons). I've never had anyone since. I'm in my late 30's and becoming disinterested in finding someone. Sure I sit on match.com and watch a parade of prospects go by, but I don't even approach them by email!<br /><br />Becoming transsexual is desirable to me. But it's so destructive a step to take without knowing for certain that it's the right choice, and so I find it hard to believe that it's still so under-researched. I sit in the middle going neither way and being miserable and depressed. I make myself more and more busy so I don't give myself the time to face it.<br /><br />To me, this is the reality of crossdreaming. I think somewhere in this blog Jack says "crossdreamers will never be satisfied".. you're damn right there!Artemissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14262867012223091330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-40483152832230357792013-07-02T08:46:28.784-07:002013-07-02T08:46:28.784-07:00Josie's experience is almost the same as mine....Josie's experience is almost the same as mine. Although I wasn't happy being a boy, I accepted it. I played with boys' toys like cars and train sets and was happy with those although I might have played with toys if I had had the opportunity. Now I'm older, I have been finding it more difficulty in my gender difference. My girl sense is coming to the fore and the male side is receeding. I have gown to like some aspects of my masculinit being methodical and analytical but I feel more comfortable and confident with the female. meganb1https://www.blogger.com/profile/15207130084994271701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-41560721691718209192013-03-29T21:25:21.495-07:002013-03-29T21:25:21.495-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09239812983159900401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-16928214998969749062013-03-21T13:25:50.665-07:002013-03-21T13:25:50.665-07:00Jack and Ariadna
Thank u so much. your words reall...Jack and Ariadna<br />Thank u so much. your words really meant to me. you know the only thing I can do for myself now is to have a label. I can't help thinking about my gender identity day and night and still there's no answer! they say you should be yourself and stop labeling but its all I got to prove my inner masculinity and this confusion makes me depressed all the time. I can accept and deny it over and over a day! I really need to make a solid decision. I am a transgender or just a messy girl?! they say its sth only you can know but actually I can be both! moving to another country is so desirable to me but its not easy at all so it seems like I should keep this as a private sad secret to myself and just keep dreaming or try to forget about it if its possible! how u guys can be sure about urself?Raykanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-3478716417176373862013-03-20T11:45:54.477-07:002013-03-20T11:45:54.477-07:00@Rayka
Hi, I am fellow girlfag from Peru. I guess...@Rayka<br /><br />Hi, I am fellow girlfag from Peru. I guess being one of us in a country like yours must be hard. My heart is with you! Things in my country never were fair for women either. We are still 2nd class citizens here. Sons are still more welcome/loved than daughters. It is still expected that you are submissive and house chores are thought to be your responsibility just for the fact you are a woman. You have to "man up" if you want respect from men and not even then. This is the story of my life. Sometimes the desperation can make you take paths that don't suit you, like transitioning or going for a lesbian relationship. In my case, I sometimes crossdressed in public to show my disgust for the macho culture that is dominant here. I denied my feminity and i engaged in lesbian relationships trying to find release. It was a hard path but then when you find out who you really are, things are easier. Don't deny anything that comes natural to you. Your sexuality, your masculinity and your feminity too. You'll feel at peace with yourself and you'll get to find a balance in your life. Transition ONLY if this is what YOU want, don't let other people decide for you, nobody knows you better than yourself. If you don't feel at ease with the idea, then don't even consider it. People tend to think things in black or white. We are the living proof that nature doesn't. Being accepting with my self, with feminity and masculinity as well has helped me a lot to achieve my own identity. Don't change what you are just because you want to fit. If this gay guy can't see it, then he is not worth your time. I have met wonderful people in this blog/forum (crossdreamers-crossdreaminglife). MTF crossdreamers are the only kind of guys that i have felt in tune with. I am able to fully understand their struggles and viceversa. It is pure understanding regarding sexuality. In fact, it is very satisfying and exciting (MTF crossdreamers are damn sexy). Finding the best match for you goes beyond sexuality although, (there are many factors, compatibility among them) but as long as you don't need to hide who you truly are, things are way easier. Being honest is the best start for any relationship. I really don't know how easy is for you to express yourself in your society, but i'd personally leave for a country that guarantee my freedom of expression. Repression is something really painful. In my case, it led me to think I had an authentic man inside me that was taking over and over. Once i found ways to express my true self, i stared being more accepting with every single side of me, even my feminity (I know, as FTM crossdreamers we tend to deny our feminity in order to benefit our masculine side but this proved to be painful for me too). In yaoi communities you'll find girls like you and me, that share the same dreams and fantasies. Contact me whenever you want!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-76528197623574568202013-03-16T08:55:09.808-07:002013-03-16T08:55:09.808-07:00Welcome Rayka!
You are definitely not alone. Take...Welcome Rayka!<br /><br />You are definitely not alone. Take a look at the following posts about female to male crossdreamers.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.crossdreamers.com/search/label/girlfag" rel="nofollow">http://www.crossdreamers.com/search/label/girlfag</a><br /><br />Iran's policy on transsexual may seem a bit of a puzzle to outsiders, as no one expects the ayatollahs to understand transgender. <br /><br />When you look a little closer, however, it becomes apparent that they do not. It is just that they have a very old fashioned view about gay men, believing them to be effeminate "inverts". Surgery makes them women, and then their abominable attraction to men becomes all right.<br /><br />There is no room for crossdreamers in such a way of thinking. Indeed, I have Indian friends who say something of the same: There are terms for gay men and transwomen (hijra), but no understanding of crossdressers and crossdreamers. <br /><br />In my own country, Norway, the only crossdreamers that are seen (but not understood) are the male to female crossdressers. I don't think people understand there are FTM crossdreamers. There are even lesbians and transmen who would deny their existence.<br /><br />So, I guess we just have to go on talking, writing and making ourselves heard. That is hard under the best of circumstances. I have no idea how to do that in Iran.<br /><br />Maybe there are other Iranians out there, reading this?Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-72174203571879506182013-03-13T16:19:46.392-07:002013-03-13T16:19:46.392-07:00God I'm finally writing this! I'm a ftm cr...God I'm finally writing this! I'm a ftm crossdreamer, 22, from Iran and it sucks! here, I have no chance to express myself and really don't know what to do. I can cross-dress just at home!so I spend all day confused, lost and invisible. I read these posts and reverse them to ftm and they really make sense. I was always a normal girl with some weird dreams! I can continue being a girl if they let me to throw away almost all the signs of femininity! here in Iran transgenders are allowed to fully transition if they completely feel like the other sex and homosexuality is illegal!!! so I try to continue,repeating day and night to myself that I'm a girl and end up watching gay movies or porn and dreaming of turning to a boy someday! the man inside me has grown up more and more and wants to come out, he's driving me crazy. I tried to forget about him but...he has made strong muscles I guess! I found a gay boyfriend in internet. exactly my style: submissive,younger,feminine. he assumes me a transgender who needs to transition. I told him that I'm not sure cuz I feel the both genders in me but he says I must accept that I'm a guy.well it really makes me happy but is that the trues???Raykanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-8981092625890400922013-03-11T06:24:09.139-07:002013-03-11T06:24:09.139-07:00@Alexia
"I was in the midst of sending signa...@Alexia<br /><br />"I was in the midst of sending signals by my own female nature that helped make my situation one of never being intimate on any level."<br /><br />Let's not beat about the bush: This Catch 22 situation is hell, and I know, because I have been there.<br /><br />There seems to be there are normally only two solutions to this "compatibility"-problem:<br /><br />1. You may find someone who are struggling with other problems and who will therefore meet our situation with patience and understanding. <br /><br />My girl friend is not a crossdreamer, but she has had a hard journey of her own, which makes it easier for her to understand what it means to be an outsider. Maybe there is an outsider out there for you as well.<br /><br />2. Female to male crossdreamers, if we could only identify them.<br /><br />(For those of you who do not know Lady Alexia: She has been an active participant of the TG scene for a long time, and has made some great contributions to the crossdreamer community. She has her own blog here: <br />http://lifeofalexia.blogspot.comJack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-46365768291166193412013-03-07T21:43:34.219-08:002013-03-07T21:43:34.219-08:00Josie and I have similar paths we have traveled. ...Josie and I have similar paths we have traveled. All of that is very much my story. Fear and the consequences of trusting others I think plays a big part in our shyness now that I am in my forties. I still can't talk to women in any way that could lead to more....I just am not wired that way. When most of my peers were fostering those intimate life long relationships, I was in the midst of sending signals by my own female nature that helped make my situation one of never being intimate on any level. It has only been online I have come close to being truly "in a relationship."Lady Alexiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12662619814559297704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-70637873878051539992013-03-07T04:57:32.979-08:002013-03-07T04:57:32.979-08:00That would be a good thing jack...I am not one of ...That would be a good thing jack...I am not one of those with the skills to do it mind you...joanna Santoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16722222181799879120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-62525471795067410312013-03-07T00:44:31.713-08:002013-03-07T00:44:31.713-08:00I have added a list of other posts on the love lif...I have added a list of other posts on the love life of crossdreamers (or lack thereof).<br /><br />I agree, we need to establish some kind of meeting place that actually works. <br /><br />The problem is not that FTM and MTF crossdreamers do not develop their own terminology or social signals. The problem is that they do it in isolation. <br /><br />Most MTF crossdreamers did not even know that the "girlfags" existed until very recently. How can you find someone you do not believe exist?<br /><br />I have a gay friend who says that the only thing lesbians and gay men have in common, is that they have noting in common. But that was enough for them to develop shared symbols and meeting places.<br /><br />MTF and FTM crossdreamers actually do have something in common. We should be able to make something work. <br /><br />Are there anyone out there with the skills needed to set up a dating site? Or -- alternatively -- are there existing sites that can be used for this purpose. <br />Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-60092168147892626882013-03-06T11:02:27.509-08:002013-03-06T11:02:27.509-08:00"There has been a lot of politics on this blo..."There has been a lot of politics on this blog lately"<br /><br />Too bad you haven't addressed any of it. <br /><br />More laughable propaganda!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-19144773921546859062013-03-06T03:28:08.786-08:002013-03-06T03:28:08.786-08:00This is exactly my dilemna although I have at this...This is exactly my dilemna although I have at this stage of my life essentially given up on finding a life partner. What I have found thus far is that people like us make for very unconventional lovers as we don't fit into male patterns and often have to imagine ourselves crossdressed or in some female role to achieve orgasm during intercourse. Its a very difficult road wanting to be with women while simultaneously wanting to be like them.<br /><br />Searching is often a frustrating and fruitless search so I believe the key is to focus on your own internal happiness and if that ends up attracting a romantic partner then its a bonus. There are after all bisexual women out there but weeding them out can draw lots of energy from living your life in a productive manner.<br /><br />I have stopped being apologetic for the way I am and am now moving beyond self acceptance to actually beginning to celebrate my transgender nature.<br /><br />I have so much sympathy for josie because I am intimately familiar with her dilemna. It cost me my marriage and countless hours of worry, guilt and shame. In the end no relationship is worth compromising who you are on the inside because the amount of compromise which comes from the wrong pairing can lead to more strife and frustration than that which comes from being alone and lonely.joanna Santoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16722222181799879120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-64331066540009670972013-03-05T23:38:57.237-08:002013-03-05T23:38:57.237-08:00I think Jack has voiced the theoretical solution o...I think Jack has voiced the theoretical solution out loud many times - letting crossdreamers and girlfags meet each other. However, I find it incredibly hard to find any active communities of the latter group :( I'm in email correspondence with one amazing f2m crosdreamers and she reported being in an amazingly satisfying relationship with an m2f crosdreamer.<br /><br />'Ladies' & 'Gentlemen', the next step seems obvious. It's time to channel our frustration and repressed energy into creating a clean online place for crosdreamers of both poles to find each other. We lso need to do outreach within the f2m community, since they're likely even more marginalized and less aware of whatever that is this thing that is going on with their gender identity.Iquitosnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-69577768960566883232013-03-05T19:10:56.341-08:002013-03-05T19:10:56.341-08:00I am thrilled to read others thoughts on this. I ...I am thrilled to read others thoughts on this. I have been living a very similar experience of my self to what was explained above. I am now moving forward with actually transitioning my gender. It is so interesting how we can experience something so profoundly, and yet have so little tangible information about it. It is because of this, my gender experience has become very intuitive and differs from situation to situation. What has spurred my decision to transition is the awareness that this feeling has taken root, or maybe it has been all along. All of my wellness, my passion and love lies in identifying myself as a woman. That's just a no brainer to me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02262105405948552253noreply@blogger.com