tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post8823936261997031135..comments2024-02-25T22:43:04.662-08:00Comments on Crossdreamers: Crossdreaming ("autogynephilia") and lonelinessSally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-52942002207007667632017-11-29T23:21:19.415-08:002017-11-29T23:21:19.415-08:00"Live your life and do your thing."
Wis..."Live your life and do your thing."<br /><br />Wise words, indeed!Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-671007594376842372017-11-29T07:11:47.230-08:002017-11-29T07:11:47.230-08:00This is how I see it. Crossdressing will forever b...This is how I see it. Crossdressing will forever be a part of your life. I crossdress as well. I'm also autogynephilic. It's a struggle but it's very possible for it not to control your life. Most women don't care if you're honest from the jump. I feel like getting confidence, accepting who you are, controlling your urges can help. I still crossdress but you have to face reality, some people won't accept it, but almost everybody will respect you for being upfront and real. Life isn't perfect, we ended up liking to dress up as women and jacking off while dressed up. Big deal. Live your life and do your thing. Respect, honesty, and knowledge can go a long way! Do your thing! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06745205031942072761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-72398714868775478922017-11-29T07:02:15.998-08:002017-11-29T07:02:15.998-08:00Preach! I crossdress and tell every woman I talk t...Preach! I crossdress and tell every woman I talk to that I like to crossdress. If they don't like me, fuck it I gotta live my truth. If you doing something you're ashamed of, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Most women don't care if they like the guy. A lot of autogynephiles lack confidence! Own your shit and live your life! Don't be creepy and respect people! Speak your mind and stay in your lane! It's hella simple! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06745205031942072761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-66884427103349475352016-03-15T21:54:28.240-07:002016-03-15T21:54:28.240-07:00He cant even test his hypothesis properly. *sigh*
...He cant even test his hypothesis properly. *sigh*<br /><br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-21744898365117028252016-03-15T01:01:46.665-07:002016-03-15T01:01:46.665-07:00Yepp, that's about it. He insisted on creating...Yepp, that's about it. He insisted on creating a term that refers to his own "erotic target location error" hypothesis (which even he admits is nothing but a hypothesis) instead of a more neutral term that can be used by all.<br /><br />That was probably a tactical mistake on his behalf. Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-42857467393568431052016-03-15T00:19:15.736-07:002016-03-15T00:19:15.736-07:00I see.
"at least in a non-academic setting....I see. <br /><br />"at least in a non-academic setting."<br />So Blanchard really could have helped crossdreamers by coming up with neutral terms, if he had used such terms then those terms may have spread but instead of helping, he came up with a stigmatizing term, and attempted to normalize transphobic slurs. <br /><br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-43196121377244923452016-03-13T01:29:24.503-08:002016-03-13T01:29:24.503-08:00The best would probably be to find some more neutr...The best would probably be to find some more neutral terms to describe the symbolic side of such phenomena, but I am afraid that would make writing about this even more complicated -- at least in a non-academic setting.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-4358848065559800102016-03-12T03:10:26.484-08:002016-03-12T03:10:26.484-08:00I know that. However most people use those terms i...I know that. However most people use those terms in transphobic ways unlike you. Which is why I feel uncomfortable. If people use those terms in a clinical non-transphobic way like you than that would be much better. I still feel uncomfortable due to the persistence use of those terms in society in a transphobic way.<br /><br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-67210295696914884652016-03-10T23:59:17.244-08:002016-03-10T23:59:17.244-08:00@-J
If there is one thing I have learned about pe...@-J<br /><br />If there is one thing I have learned about people struggling with sex and gender issues, it is that not talking about it makes things much, much worse. Our subconscious isn't "civilized", in the sense of following the cultural mores of any society, and especially contemporary "Western" society, which is so hang up about sexuality and gender roles.<br /><br />It is pretty obvious to me that the "sissy" fantasies of some crossdreamers can only be explained within a misogynistic framework, where women are seen as weak and pitiful, and feminine men even more so. But our fantasy life makes use of what is at hand, and if this is the only model available to some crossdreamers, this is the kind of fantasies their subconscious generate.<br /><br />Sexual fantasies are neither good nor bad, they just are. I am reminded of research that shows that close to 50% of women in North America and Europe has experienced rape fantasies. This does not mean that rape is OK. This does not mean that they think rape is OK. This does not mean that they want to be raped in real life. It is simply that where their sexual desire meets cultural and psychological restraints, such fantasies are produced.<br /><br />"Shemale" is a slur. I have had non-op trans women tell me that they feel comfortable with the term, but they are clearly a minority. I never use the term to describe real women, trans or cis, but some MTF crossdreamers have dreams of women with a penis. Similar fantasies are found among some cis lesbians, as well. <br /><br />Trying to surpress such fantasies does not help, so I argue that crossdreamers should look the fantasies in the face, try to make sense of them and become whole by integrating that which has been repressed into their conscious psyche.<br /><br />I have written about <a href="http://www.crossdreamers.com/2010/03/sissy-and-dominatrix.html" rel="nofollow">sissies here,</a> and <a href="http://www.crossdreamers.com/2010/08/on-autogynephilia-and-role-of-shemale.html" rel="nofollow">"shemales" here.</a><br />Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-44461350898766673442016-03-10T22:03:37.228-08:002016-03-10T22:03:37.228-08:00Sissy? Shemales? I just got uncomfortable reading ...Sissy? Shemales? I just got uncomfortable reading that.<br /><br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-1141034800911172922016-03-10T02:09:19.721-08:002016-03-10T02:09:19.721-08:00...cont
3. Sissy hypnosis and hormones: These ar......cont<br /><br /><br />3. Sissy hypnosis and hormones: These are both the first steps in transitioning. We should at least contemplate the possibility that we are truly transsexual. I know that in my own life related fantasies were signs of a deep and intense gender dysphoria. This does not have to be the case in your life, but you have to consider it.<br /><br />4. Adult baby. Jung argued that this kind of fantasies are regression fantasies. The mind retreats from an intolerable reality to a time without responsibilities and the need to tackle the impossible. There is nothing wrong in such fantasies per se, but they do reflect the fact that you have far too much to handle right now.<br /><br />You need help from someone who understands trauma of the kind you are experiencing and preferably also from someone who understand sex, sexuality and gender. Have you tried to find a therapist?<br /><br />Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-82389749091757323962016-03-10T02:08:45.955-08:002016-03-10T02:08:45.955-08:00@Anonymous "Autogynephilia is Hell"
I u...@Anonymous "Autogynephilia is Hell"<br /><br />I understand your desperation. Crossdreaming can become obsessive and it can, in the end, dominate your whole life.<br /><br />You have probably seen that there is much disagreement about what this all means. Is it is a fetish, can it be cured? Based on my own experience and what I have heard from others I have come to the conclusion that all these intense feelings and all these unusual fantasies are your mind's way of telling you what it is and what it needs. <br /><br />In my own life I have tried to reverse engineer the whole complex of dreams and desires, and asked myself: What on earth can this fantasy tell me about myself:<br /><br />1. Being submissive. Well, a lot of people are sexually submissive. There should be nothing wrong in that. It does not mean that they are walk-overs in other parts of life. Dreams of submission may also be the mind's way of looking for some kind of relief. <br /><br />I found that I spent so much time on keeping up a stereotypical male facade that it exhausted me. No wonder we may dream about letting go and having someone else take control for a while. <br /><br />Finally, if we reframe submissive as receptive: Maybe I am truly wired for a more typical female sexuality, and in one way am a woman "trapped in an incompatible body".<br /><br />2. "Shemales". The combination of the submissive and the dominant, the receptive and the penetration, the curves and the phallic. <br /><br />If you love women, a non-op trans woman may seem as the obvious solution; feminine, but at the same time someone who allows <i>you</i> to be some shade of female. The fascination for "shemales" may also reflect a mind's way of handling internalized homophobia. <br /><br />cont....Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-66199140679889898162016-03-05T16:38:22.258-08:002016-03-05T16:38:22.258-08:00Porn addiction?
First off that needs therapy. You ...Porn addiction?<br />First off that needs therapy. You shouldn't struggle with addiction alone. That's a terrible idea. You need to go see a psychiatrist that's crossdreamer-friendly.<br />Try asking a trans psychologist on where to find help: http://www.genderpsychology.org/identity/mail.html<br /><br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-14001340800456484662016-03-05T07:26:22.929-08:002016-03-05T07:26:22.929-08:00Autogynephilia is hell for me. That was the way I ...Autogynephilia is hell for me. That was the way I found this page. By searching 'autogynephilia addiction hell'.I've been addicted to autogynephilic porn since 2011. I started taking hormones in 2013 or something, for a few weeks until I confessed to my girlfriend who was horrified. So I threw them away. And today I have been contemplating buying hormones again. I tried to give up the 'sissy hynosis' but I still haven't. I have over 500GB of it saved. I hate this. When I was 7 I thought it was cool that I could look like a girl if I wanted. But I thought it wouldn't be possible when I got to puberty. But I didn't know steroids existed to become physically like a girl. What I really want to be, is hunky. But I'm so fucked up. This is pure addiction. I want to be a hard man, get into mma, but I'm totally messed up. I know what I want, and I know what I need. And what I don't what is what I feel like I need. I know I have to abstain from downloading more porn. Which upholds and strengthens my associations with our autogynephilic culture. It's a pure dopamine rush, when I think about being some black man with a big cock's bitch. So fucked up, even got into the adult baby thing. In 2010 I wasn't like this, I had some gay fantasies occasionally, but I was much more into straight porn, I had a thing about shemales since 2001 and it turned into an obsession, but, this has become a very unmanageable addiction. I was up all night looking at porn, because I was getting high on porn. Dopamine. I tried to not masturbate, so that meant I didn't get tired. I thought I could ride the wave with no harm done. But today I was seriously believing I was going to buy loads of hormones, until I finally ejaculated, then my sense came back, as it usually does, and I thought, fuck no, I can't take porn, it sends me reveling in my addiction.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-52168162678400534282013-02-08T06:28:08.713-08:002013-02-08T06:28:08.713-08:00Yes, i actually have thought long and hard that it...Yes, i actually have thought long and hard that it's my sensitiveness and feminity, causing me to have a low self-esteem and image as a man, which created my AGP. I did grow up wanting to be a man only and did not crossdress, but i used to have pre-AGP fantasies during my late teens exept that i was male-submissive at first. When i found a girlfriend and had a great sex-life with her, i didn't have any of this at all. <br />I dated a lot of women but i felt very shy but never that uncomfortable as a male and i never got to grow up being as masculine as i wanted. During the periods with AGP, i feel less of a man and it makes me depressed but of course aroused during masturbation. When i have straight fantasies, i feel great to be a man!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-13652373404080036962010-02-16T10:42:02.006-08:002010-02-16T10:42:02.006-08:00Just Chris,
I think it is quite possible to want t...Just Chris,<br />I think it is quite possible to want to be a different person than what you are. I always fantasize the role of dominating women when I face guys because that's the way I love to control them (dominatrix). However,when I face girls, I don't get that. In a way, that sort of fantasy is common and also very nourishing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-72917532470165215822010-02-16T10:27:13.883-08:002010-02-16T10:27:13.883-08:00Thanks Betty :) You put that so well.
As I was...Thanks Betty :) You put that so well. <br /><br />As I was reading this, I had a new observation about the meaning that dream. <br /><br />As a tiny child, did I think my mother would not have left me if I was girl?<br /><br />My grandfather (mom's dad) was a cross-dresser too, but he also was separated from his mom and raised by his grandparents.<br /><br />Interesting...Just Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810492186732379608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-31367360458742732822010-02-16T02:37:20.058-08:002010-02-16T02:37:20.058-08:00Just Chris,
Indeed true. Sometimes due to life'...Just Chris,<br />Indeed true. Sometimes due to life's miseries and painful experiences,we even tend to forget ourselves and wish to become someone else. It is not wrong and is a normal reaction, only that it gives more pains and more feeling of self-detachment and loneliness.Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-82339079835787644242010-02-15T16:25:59.626-08:002010-02-15T16:25:59.626-08:00But, look at the case of Just Chris. it shows that...<i>But, look at the case of Just Chris. it shows that some may have it for that reason as well.</i><br /><br />Betty,<br /><br />Indeed. There is no better illustration of this than a dream I had several years back while I was in the midst of therapy and had begun to uncover all my childhood issues.<br /><br />My subconscious was so close to the surface, you could see its periscope.<br /><br />So one night I had a dream that I was in a hotel room getting dressed up. I went to the mirror to look at myself and it wasn't me in the mirror. I saw instead the image of my young mother, as she looked when I was small and was separated from her.<br /><br />You don't have to be a Fellini to figure that one out...<br /><br />~ChrisJust Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810492186732379608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-69066403563054857652010-02-15T10:19:29.131-08:002010-02-15T10:19:29.131-08:00I do understand mostly what Mandy says. People are...I do understand mostly what Mandy says. People are indeed capable of expressing a diverse sexual specrum in their lives, under suitable conditions. For example,a boy who starts hating other men for his own male insecurity, might grow up being a narcissist desiring to sexually entice other men to have sex with him for his sadistic pleasure of dominating them as power bottom, though, he is not gay/bi. This article gives a good insight into this possibility.<br />http://www.glbtq.com/social-sciences/straight_men_who.html<br /><br />I believe every man and every woman has a homo potential outside of hetero one. If for some reason, that gets charged,the person may start having gay fantasies despite not being gay. Which again confuses the very concept of sexual orientation, but that is how humans are.<br />From this concept of SMSM, I do suspect if autogynephilia is also an outcome of healed wounds with men/women. Again not for all AGP people. But, look at the case of Just Chris. it shows that some may have it for that reason as well.Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-50145643359385091202010-02-15T09:36:44.797-08:002010-02-15T09:36:44.797-08:00Jack,
I am not at all trying to deny my sexual ori...Jack,<br />I am not at all trying to deny my sexual orientaion. What I just intended to point out is that one can be gay/bi without being androphile. Which means, there is a hell lot of diversity in terms of sexual and gender feelings and one must not take into account only standard scientific definitons. <br />What I mean is that,the word "gay" is often associated with homoerotic attarction to men's bodies, their penis,skin,beauty. Go to any standard Internet article on gay men, and you will find these "physical" issues being talked of in detail. However, my case shows that there could be other factors behind a desire to be sexually intimate too. It is just that the brain responds to a mix of many things about a person,and one of those might not be "body" or "beauty" at all.Mandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-72581190844457002202010-02-15T09:30:50.046-08:002010-02-15T09:30:50.046-08:00GQ,
I am not in denial at all. I did say that I ha...GQ,<br />I am not in denial at all. I did say that I have feelings for men, I like to attract attention of pervert men, like their flirtatious looks and get aroused to the level of fantasizing their sexual actions (though more about just forplays usually).<br />However,just upto that only!! In short, it never gets beyond a fantasy at all. I have tried being close to guys physically,but, find nothing sexual of bodies at all.<br />I have explored all possibilities- gay,bi,trans, everything. I have even asked hetero women and gay men as to what turns them on to a guy. Surely, perverted advance of a guy is a thing that turns them on, but, they also say, male beauty and physique is something they admire and want to cling to it as well. While in case of me,I find only the perverted advance arousing. Infact,part of my rich secret fantasy life is about making men horny on seeing me- a beautiful feminine sissy and seduce me, something similar to what AGPs here experience. But,since it is the guy's action appealing, I am not AGP either.<br />All that started ever since I watched porn at age 10 and got to know that men behave "this" way. Since then, my brain has got wired to like men in that way. <br />However, that has really got nothing to do with "physical attraction" at all!! <br />It's that I only get horny by their action, nothing beyond. I wish that it were something beyond so that I wouldn't be confused, but, indeed it is not.Mandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-81826369044219525842010-02-15T07:37:55.696-08:002010-02-15T07:37:55.696-08:00Mandy,
I totally agree with the idea that there i...Mandy,<br /><br />I totally agree with the idea that there is much more to love than sex. It is about friendship, it is about partnership and loyalty, it is about flirting and romance, and it is a spiritual journey towards something that is bigger than all of us.<br /><br />You may be right about this being a "homoromantic" attraction rather than an androphilic.<br /><br />But still, sexuality is also part of what we are and what you are. So where does this leave your sexuality?<br /><br />I noted the following sexually charged wording in one of your comments:<br /><br />"However,I have a 'pervert male' fetish, through which I have desired to attract males to seduce me- usually males who look too virile, regardless of whether they are handsome or not. I enact those fantasies where I sissify myself and allow a male to do the foreplay." <br /><br />There is nothing wrong about having such fantasies in my book, but I notice a strong sexual component. That's OK! Really!<br /><br />But you are the only one who can answer the question of who you really are.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-56027132587991180652010-02-15T07:14:47.413-08:002010-02-15T07:14:47.413-08:00Mandy,
You really sound like you are denial. I ...Mandy, <br /><br />You really sound like you are denial. I would suspect that you do have some feelings about men. Please, just don't beat yourself up about it. We really don't choose our natures and honestly, having slight bisexual tendencies is not necessarily a bad thing. <br /><br />People often have trouble realizing things.. Men, women.. we are all beautiful in our own special ways and most so when we are true to ourselves. Even if sex is often the canvass everything is laid out against, I think that sometimes it is important to take a moment to realize the beauty in everyone.<br /><br />-GQAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-70681223375118875842010-02-15T06:38:51.071-08:002010-02-15T06:38:51.071-08:00Yes, Jack, I long for love and romance from such g...Yes, Jack, I long for love and romance from such guys and everytime I do that,I like to feminize myself to look presentable.<br />But, one thing strange but certain: I am not "androphile". I simply don't get why demanding love/romance from someone should only imply attraction to body.<br />Many people, including me, like to associate sex/romance with some spiritual bonding. When I fantasize such things, I feel a man is loving me that way, I feel more speical and that is what arouses me.<br />And, to make a man love me, feminizing seems only option. So, I am homoromantic but I am not androphile. It's prudent to separate sex from physical attraction.Mandynoreply@blogger.com