tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post9024702464762540704..comments2024-03-26T16:19:11.382-07:00Comments on Crossdreamers: On Gilmartin's love-shy men and the male lesbians (Part 1)Sally Molayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015510914816971645noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-13019335355527277432018-07-12T00:35:21.810-07:002018-07-12T00:35:21.810-07:00Oh, 'I thought woman on top'was just anoth...Oh, 'I thought woman on top'was just another great position.I love being brought to climax like that! (I also like to imagine I'm a woman while I'm underneath too).Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02281126012915890098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-14697986760630239562018-07-12T00:30:44.994-07:002018-07-12T00:30:44.994-07:00Excellent article. This, again, discribes much of ...Excellent article. This, again, discribes much of how I feel. The gilmartin page 125 is especially true of me. <br />Eddie izzard, is a lesbian trapped inside a man's body too. I am very shy, and have learned to 'act'assertive and bold in social situations. I am a show-off on stage or when I have been given a platform as I can be well prepared. Like Eddie. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02281126012915890098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-33962455256557630022018-05-28T02:20:56.055-07:002018-05-28T02:20:56.055-07:00I get so relaxed when i put a bra on, and dream of...I get so relaxed when i put a bra on, and dream of a woman on top of me..Harrietnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-9989317003809352062013-10-15T00:03:58.407-07:002013-10-15T00:03:58.407-07:00@Iain
I know of at least one MTF crossdreamer who...@Iain<br /><br />I know of at least one MTF crossdreamer who writes lesbian romances today, books well received in the lesbian community.<br /><br />And they say that a male bodied person can never understand women!Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-83183221745206033432013-10-14T13:58:59.640-07:002013-10-14T13:58:59.640-07:00Pierre Louys, the early 20th century French writer...Pierre Louys, the early 20th century French writer, poet and erotologist, was a male lesbian who had deep insight into lesbian eroticism. He was the author of the novel Aphrodite, the poem-cycle The Songs of Bilitis, as well as some lste lesbian erotica. His Femme et Poupe was the basis for Maugham's Of Human Bondage.Iain Quicksilverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08684582555254165767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-54788803245428437522013-10-14T13:56:13.609-07:002013-10-14T13:56:13.609-07:00Pierre Louys, the early 20th century French writer...Pierre Louys, the early 20th century French writer and poet, and author of Aphrodite and The Songs of Bilitis (some of them set to music by his friend the composer Debussy) was considered a male lesbian. He had great insight into lesbian love and sexuality, and late in life published lesbian erotica.Iain Quicksilverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08684582555254165767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-18990597551798178792013-03-02T15:46:15.038-08:002013-03-02T15:46:15.038-08:00I first came across Gilmartin's book and the d...I first came across Gilmartin's book and the definition of a male lesbian a few years ago. A female friend of mine recently brought it back up, and I sought out this information once again. I had forgotten just how shocking it was to read this. It's like my soul has been laid bare; all of my deepest thoughts and secrets are written for anyone to see.ASChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07062836869120839203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-17722055553499469742012-07-16T03:41:24.622-07:002012-07-16T03:41:24.622-07:00@Fran
"I refuse to be like this when I hit 3...@Fran<br /><i><br />"I refuse to be like this when I hit 30. If I'm auto then I'll kill my male sex drive with hormones and transition. And if somehow I decide to stay male. I will kill the femininity. Life will not defeat me. And the medical fraternity will not make me feel guilty for aspects of me that I didn't choose and do not hurt people."</i><br /><br />God knows I understand your frustration. You are the only one who can really tell, but it might be that transitioning is the right thing for you.<br /><br />But I am certaing about one thing: If you "kill" your female side you will kill what makes you you. And I am afraid that what is left of "you" after that murder will be a soul without color and life. We have to find ways of expressing our female selves, with or without transitioning.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-21062834692222337582012-07-15T11:52:52.394-07:002012-07-15T11:52:52.394-07:0090% of that criteria fits me to a tee. Though I...90% of that criteria fits me to a tee. Though I've always had an inclination for strong femininity and a longing to be appreciated as a female by men, despite being a straight male. I also crossdress and have done since 14.<br /><br />It's the overlaps that make all this so confusing. The spectrum is massive.<br /><br />But what annoys, angers and frightens me the most is that - there is no cure, and the medical world aren't interested. The general feeling is that "this is it."<br /><br />Well b*llocks to that. I refuse to be like this when I hit 30. If I'm auto then I'll kill my male sex drive with hormones and transition. And if somehow I decide to stay male. I will kill the femininity. Life will not defeat me. And the medical fraternity will not make me feel guilty for aspects of me that I didn't choose and do not hurt people.<br /><br />Simples :-)Frannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-92023425852049157182012-01-31T03:09:10.309-08:002012-01-31T03:09:10.309-08:00A male lesbian is a physiologically heteosexual ma...A male lesbian is a physiologically heteosexual male who wishes he'd been born a girl.Dallas County Jailhttp://dallascojail.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-90376824329813363002012-01-13T03:22:05.028-08:002012-01-13T03:22:05.028-08:00@plentyoffish
I think you are right. Even if shyn...@plentyoffish<br /><br />I think you are right. Even if shyness is based on inborn intraversion, it is possible to expand one's "roaming area" through training and a dash of courage.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-21178901413881153302012-01-13T01:17:09.986-08:002012-01-13T01:17:09.986-08:00Love shy men can be changed by exposing them to mo...Love shy men can be changed by exposing them to more social activities where many women can be found. It just takes a little confidence and open mindedness, it is never too late to learn.plentyoffish.comhttp://www.datingopinions.org/dating-reviews-of-plenty-of-fish-com.htmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-24793706452171546992011-07-08T12:44:25.899-07:002011-07-08T12:44:25.899-07:00Being without love for a period of time is more th...Being without love for a period of time is more than manageable, and does not in itself lead to depression. But the fear of never being able to connect in this way is bound to lead to loneliness and depression.<br /><a href="http://www.filingsupplies.com/Smead-Products-s/731.htm" rel="nofollow">Smead file folders</a>Smith Harryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05433945414392236130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-53970472646812887442010-06-02T11:53:17.098-07:002010-06-02T11:53:17.098-07:00:d:dAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-3111612961893351782010-06-02T11:53:17.099-07:002010-06-02T11:53:17.099-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.buy viagrahttp://www.xlpharmacy.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-84715228749685781202010-04-20T15:19:49.342-07:002010-04-20T15:19:49.342-07:00This is a very interesting post since I can easily...This is a very interesting post since I can easily relate to most of the male lesbian characteristics, I never heard of this concept before but it fits me almost perfectly.Salty Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00781880054754159289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-62754423715693655822010-04-20T12:05:21.553-07:002010-04-20T12:05:21.553-07:00To Jogols,
I guess I know your answer You can read...To Jogols,<br />I guess I know your answer You can read it here itself:<br />http://sexisnormal.net/secretwriter/2010/01/why-do-many-women-crave-being-submissive/<br /><br />A typical trait of femininity lies in its very strength. Most feminine (stereotypical) girls I have met share this fantasy of wanting to feel desirable to big guys. <br />I have found that feminine women really find it hard to imagine themselves doing the choosing. Because,their brain itself is programmed to enjoy being the beauty to someone, rather than appreciating the beauty in someone else. <br />In stereotypical men, its just the reverse. They would not want to be desirable, but would want to badly possess a beautiful woman,much like a sweet trophy. <br />I don't know how the perv macho men go along with this mentality, but I personally have found it hard to be such an emotionless stud who would spend the whole life admiring only the beauty of some other person, even if it is a woman. <br />Not something like an ego problem, but just that I never enjoy the male role of being a predator of beautiful trophies. I would rather be the trophy myself for a stud woman. And sure enough, my personality also desires the type of woman befitting it. Hot nubile chicks with nude bodies wanting to appeal to male persona rarely arouse me!!!! <br />But dominating lesbian and bisexual women who can caress and give love, surely do as hell.<br />From the very basics of neuroscience hence, I can say that this pitcher-catcher concept really is deeply ingrained into our psyche and is extremely innate.<br />I remember having fantasies of girls in my class seducing me and trying to do things with me at age 9. I was the "damsel" in distress for these girls. <br />Much like women having rape fantasies, I enjoy being the cute sex-toy of a dominating girl with strap-ons.<br />It is something extremely innate to me. I am not wanting to be humiliated. I am enjoying my feminine persona and my feminine gender expression through such erotic fantasies. I am not wanting to be weak, but wanting to be something like a helpless "damsel" whom girls would come, love and rescue. <br /><br />but does this mean pitchers don't need to be loved and catchers don't love? It is rarely so. <br />A pitcher would also feel vulnerable and want to be loved at some point in a relationship and I as a catcher would also like to finally give to my woman after she has given me for a long time and quenched my desires.<br />But the pitcher-catcher concept is grounded more on the initial flight response on seeing a person. The catcher would mainly get aroused by the thought of arousing and being desirable to someone(even if that person is not too beautiful by conventional standards). (One reason why traditional females went for rough macho hairy men). <br />Whereas, the pitcher would always get aroused on seeing a beauty and would love to possess that. And we should remember that sexual fantasies are based on these initial turn-on mechanisms and not on the long-term feelings a person would develop on his/her partner.Godhulinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-36856618005682791882010-04-20T00:34:05.683-07:002010-04-20T00:34:05.683-07:00@ Just Chris
Being mistaken for a F2M lesbian. I ...@ Just Chris<br /><br />Being mistaken for a F2M lesbian. I love it! Seriously, I know there are many who argue that crossdreamers cannot appear feminine in any way. I doubt that very much. Note to self: Write blog post about the holy grail of femininity.<br /><br />@anonymous April 18<br /><br />"The biggest problem is, how can I do anything with a woman when I fantasize about BEING the woman?"<br /><br />This is a huge problem and I must admit I have no easy answer for it. A lot of male crossdreamers (like me) find love before we admit to ourselves that this is what we are. We enter a relationship because we believe it will heal us in some way. And if you are lucky and hard working on the art of loving compromises, you can actually make it work. Many women will love a man with submissive and feminine tendencies as long as he is the man when she needs him to. <br /><br />But how do you start a relationship knowing that you are what you are. If you read the comments to some of the posts in this blog, you will find crossdreamers that have been very open about their situation when approaching women. They have won their hearts regardless. There are also women out there that prefer to be the dominant "top" and would love to please you in that way. But how to find them? That is the question.<br /><br />See Jogols comments to this post.<br /><br />@Jogols<br /><br />I think many of the problems we are facing is that we oversimplify things. As you note, natural variation will give us women who want to be the top and men who want to be the bottom. But Western culture somehow finds this threatening.<br /><br />To want to take the woman's role in sexual fantasies does not equal a wish for abuse and humiliation. That would mean that all romantic girls are masochists. That's absurd! Most of them want to be wooed, and they want to submit sexually. Maybe the surrender of being a catcher is different from being a pitcher. I suspect as much, and it is very likely that male crossdreamers have inherited the same sexual instinct for this kind of surrender as the average woman.<br /><br />But somehow some people -- out of prejudice I guess -- mix this sexual urge for surrender with a weak and submissive personality in general. There are many strong and assertive women who long to give in in bed. But there are also seemingly weak and shy women who are like tigers in bed.<br /><br />Moreover, the penetrator or the mounter may also feel vulnerable and in need of love. After all, you surrender a very delicate and vulnerable organ to another person. There are men who fear intercourse because of this (cp. the idea of the vagina as a devouring mouth, vagina dentata, and the fear of castration, http://bit.ly/fJ8rB). <br /><br />For a man having sex with the woman he loves is a sign of trust and surrender. That message gets lost in all the sexist and Quasi-Darwinistic popular science of the day.Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-42676054854493614652010-04-19T14:56:59.711-07:002010-04-19T14:56:59.711-07:00I can identify with this, though through some comb...I can identify with this, though through some combination of luck or divine intervention or conspiracy of friends, I did find love and didn't blow it.<br /><br />Sections of it don't apply, but the correlation between shyness and gender identity is thought-provoking.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-9888052209757211062010-04-19T13:14:09.256-07:002010-04-19T13:14:09.256-07:00Jack,
Some people have told me that since I want t...Jack,<br />Some people have told me that since I want to be dominated and desire to take the feminine part in romantic fantasies, i desire to be abused and humiliated. They called me a masochist with deep psychological pains.<br />Its not that i believe them outright. But one thing made me wonder. I don't want to be humiliated during sex at all. Part of the reason why I am loving the fantasy is because I want to feel desirable to someone, i want to be loved. I only take the feminine role for that matter and love to be the catcher.<br />Now the thing is, don't men (who take the manly role) want to be loved as well? Is it that men just want to love and don't want to be loved, just because they are always the pitcher in a sexual foreplay? <br />In that respect, does having a submissive fantasy and/or wanting to be desirable by being catcher directly mean I am feminine? Or does it mean having some real psychological trauma that needs to be cured.Jogolsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-33150263553847677932010-04-19T13:06:17.482-07:002010-04-19T13:06:17.482-07:00This got me to the core of my own problem. I happe...This got me to the core of my own problem. I happen to be a feminine homosexual male. I came out at 14 but I did not know my nature is more complicated than that.<br />Recently, I found I love not being just dominated by males but also by dominating females!! Yes, one of the reasons why I was crazy for sex with men was to feel feminine and desirable, not because I was attracted to them sexually. And now I find I want to have the same thing with dominating women too, preferably lesbians.<br />Only that I did not know there are women who can be dominating and can be manly, at a young age.Media and films always showed the traditional feminine women and I identified with them. And to enjoy someone dominating me, I wanted to have a boy always. But now I find, I enjoy being submissive with both genders.Jogolsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-76629367295949278312010-04-19T09:42:04.866-07:002010-04-19T09:42:04.866-07:00Love-shyness fits me to a T, aside from three or p...Love-shyness fits me to a T, aside from three or possibly four things: I have one sister, my parents weren't overbearing or abusive, I love sports, and I'm a stereotypical nerd/geek. (Geekiness may or may not be part of love-shyness, but considering the spectrum we're working with, no reason I can't be both.)<br /><br />The beginning of your blog post was right on: When I first read "Shyness and Love," it was the first thing I'd read that explained me or at least came anywhere close.<br /><br />I had a Very Bad Experience with a girl in high school, and doubtless it still affects me today. I don't know whether it made me deathly afraid of women, or simply aggravated what was already there. But since I've never been on a date in my entire life, I would have to think the latter.<br /><br />The biggest problem is, how can I do anything with a woman when I fantasize about BEING the woman? I fantasize about the female role so often, being made love to by either a man or a woman, and have many submissive tendencies. But in the end, the fantasies all come down to the same thing: I desperately want to be loved.<br /><br />JillisaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-5302469258473969252010-04-18T14:29:41.975-07:002010-04-18T14:29:41.975-07:00Jack,
Thank you as always for providing such thou...Jack,<br /><br />Thank you as always for providing such thoughtful content. And timely for me too as the "male lesbian" concept has been at the forefront of my thoughts lately.<br /><br />Through reading the posts like " Natalie's innate femininity theory", I've come to realize that I (like most of us) eroticized my gender issues as an adolescent. I've posted some of my thoughts about that here, where I discussed some of the darker aspects of my sexuality, including my fantasies of being a damsel in distress dominated by a *tough girl* like Joan Jett. <br /><br />Sexual fantasies aside, the fact remains that Since the onset of puberty, I've found myself "competing" with lesbian women for the affections of my fantasy love interests -- Leather Tuscadero, Joan Jett, Kathleen Hanna, Carrie Brownstein and more -- all lesbians or females of ambiguous sexuality.<br /><br />How can it be that a so-called "straight boy" ended up being attracted to sooooo many lesbians over his lifetime? <br /><br />Could it be I am a lesbian-identified male? Or more appropriately; if I would have been born a female, would I have been what Gilmartin calls "a beautiful woman who lives with, and makes love to, another beautiful woman."?<br /><br />I have viewed this theory of mine with a healthy amount of skepticism. We all know how easy it is to rewrite our pasts when it comes to gender stuff. However I this past Friday I got my confirmation that I'm on the right path.<br /><br />I was with some of my girl friends on Friday night who also happen to be lesbians. The ladies organize a dance party for queer ladies and their friends at local club and invited me to DJ.<br /><br />I did not present as female at the party although I did wear my black racer-back tank-top (womens) with jeans and my pyramid spike belt. This is a typical ensemble worn out by lesbian girls in my area.<br /><br />The party was great great great and I had a wonderful time. I could on about the experiences over the night, but the most important to me came at the end...<br /><br />We were standing in a group talking afterward and one of the girls mentioned a past DJ -- a straight guy like me -- who didn't work out very well. She then said something about learning a lesson about having straight guys DJ the party.<br /><br />I looked at her smiling and said "you don't see me as straight do you?" She smiled and said "nope, not at all"..."in fact, the first time I met you I thought you were an FTM"<br /><br />She also told me she doesn't warm up to guys *at all* but felt a connection with me and that she totally gets that I'm a lesbian.<br /><br />That was the most wonderful experience for me. I felt accepted in their lesbian peer-group *as a lesbian*. <br /><br />In working through all of this I have at times dismissed my feminine essence. But it is REAL and I will never dismiss my inner lady again...Just Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810492186732379608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-90840959755457400232010-04-18T06:29:57.747-07:002010-04-18T06:29:57.747-07:00@juhi
Thanks for a very interesting comment! I g...@juhi<br /><br />Thanks for a very interesting comment! I guess we can lay the theory of there only being biological male crossdreamers to rest. <br /><br />If you want to write about F2M crossdreamers/autoandrophiliacs you are welcome to do so here. There is no reason to limit this blog to M2F crossdreamers.<br /><br />Send me an email (jack.molay@gmail.com)Jack Molayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629363646482611722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472400923228993687.post-39641281738194898462010-04-17T11:40:03.060-07:002010-04-17T11:40:03.060-07:00Interesting and well thought out blog. I actually ...Interesting and well thought out blog. I actually was searching for the female equivalent of this concept of love-shy men, but till now I have been just left hankering for one.<br />The thing is, I am just the opposite of this typical love-shy man, and born as female. I wish to take the manly role during sex and be the pitcher. I really don't like the feminine world and my inner desire from childhood was to be a boy. I have been having crossdreams regularly of late,where I imagine myself as a sort of butch man romancing submissive guys. <br />Oddly,you see, I am always attracted to boys. I really don't know what to call this but I just know that if I were born as a boy I would surely be a masculine gay man dating beautiful feminine men. I really like feminine men (even crossdressers) even now but just that I don't like the female role during sex and wish to rather mount and take the manly role.<br />I just know it might sound odd to many here, but, then this is how I am and always have been.<br />I am still browsing hard to find a good blog of autoandrophilies. <br />i surely don't know if at all I am qualified for a transition and if I can even find potential partners in the male gay community who would date a person who was born in female body.Juhinoreply@blogger.com