On how to handle transphobic trolls online

Some tips on how to handle transphobic haters in social media.

Below you will find a snapshot of some comments from my blog's comment inbox. There are hundreds of these entries made by a mentally unstable individual who thinks that teaching me about trans issues will make a huge difference.

(I think  she overestimates the importance of this blog, but let us leave that aside for the moment.)

Click on image to read.

She (I am pretty sure this is a TERF) clearly believes that if I accepted her simplistic understanding of sex and gender, I would see that she is right. 

I would stop defending trans people and join her in her war against "gender ideology". She is the smart one. I am the one misled.

Trolling is not an invitation to a real discussion

If you have ever tried to engage in a discussion about trans issues with a transphobic troll, you will know that it leads nowhere. 

You will make a serious argument based on facts,  research and real life experience and they will present some fringe pseudoscience or fake statistics to beat you. 

You will prove that that the transphobic paper has been falsified by more reliable experts and they will bring up another. If that does not help, they will present hearsay, anecdotes and myths as facts.

Trolling is about power

The point is that for most of  them the "discussion" is not about finding the truth. It is about power, about having their world view confirmed, about making sure that anyone who threatens their understanding of life is invalidated and forced to shut up. 

Moreover, if they can undermine your credibility in the eyes of others, they hope to bring more  people down on their side, especially those who have never taken the time to study transgender issues and who are therefore more likely to believe so called "common sense" arguments (i.e. prejudices presented as folk wisdom).

Still, the power of  the troll does not lie in their power of persuasion. The main reason trolling works, is that it wears the victims down. There may come a point where the target can take no more verbal abuse and social invalidation, and they withdraw from public spaces. 

This is how the system wins: by enticing the sick and frustrated into waging its war against the ones who threaten the current power structures and the myths that uphold them. 

And yes, the bullying has the added bonus that it  scares cis people from fighting the good fight.

What drives bullies?

Most researchers in this field see bullying as  instrumental. This is not only about letting off steam or channeling the frustration of life. Bullies often use aggression to establish or maintain dominance, popularity or control over a group.

Christina Salmivalli at the University of Turku see bullying as a group process with assistants and reinforcers (but also outsiders and defenders). I have often observed how transphobes - on platforms that allow them to bully - help each other to bring a trans person or ally down. 

It is clear that they get some kind of perverted satisfaction from the positive feedback they get from the other transphobes. This feedback loop inflates their ego, an ego that must be built on a very loose foundations indeed.

Many of the bullies are not able to feel the real effects their bullying has on others. That does not mean that they are all psychopaths or sociopaths, only that they handle this cognitive dissonance by dehumanizing their victims. 

This is a process also found among racists. They may genuinely love and care for members of their tribe, but since their victims are not seen as "real people", they may release their inner demons without feeling guilt.

This is even more likely online, where you do not personally see or know your victims.  A meta-analysis of moral disengagement and cyberbullying  concludes that online spaces may make moral disengagement easier because cyberbullying can be anonymous, distant, public, shareable, and less connected to the victim’s visible suffering.

Research on gender harassment points to status, exclusion, domination, and policing gender norms as major drivers. 

Gender norms are often an essential part of the bully's understanding of what it means to be a good member of the tribe. Trans people therefore become a threat to everything they believe in, to the very system of beliefs, expressions and behaviors that makes them feel safe.

I would argue that the policing of gender norms can also be about denying one's own gender variance.  If you can stop others from violating the strict dogmas on gender and sexuality demanded by your tribe, you might believe that this will silence your own feelings of dissonance. In this way you will not be thrown out of your family or your community.  Your own internalized shame and self-hatred are redirected towards others. 

This is, of course, not a sustainable mental solution, as it leads to even more psychological distress, a dissonance that requires additional acting out if the goal is to stifle your own inner screams.

But do not let your understanding of the internalized homophobia and transphobia of gender variant people stop you from protecting yourself against such bullies. In this context you cannot help them anyway. 

And yes, a lot of bullies are themselves victims of harassment, but that is an explanation only, not an excuse.

What to do

I have been fighting so many trolls in my life  that the one presented above does not pose any threat to a mental health. I can see right through her. She forces me to moderate all comments daily, which is a nuisance, but not a serious one. What worries me is rather how people like her may affect those who do not have my network of support and my experience.

As I see it, the following tactics may help:

1. If you see someone being abused by a troll online, address the victim (not the troll). Give the victim words of encouragement and support. It helps a lot if they can see that they are not alone.

2. Do not discuss what it means to be trans with a troll directly. The best tactic is to ignore them, which have the added bonus of pissing them off. They desperately want to be seen and respected. They will interpret any direct response to mean that you see them as an equal. Do not give them that satisfaction. They are not your equal.

3. If a troll seems to get some traction in a discussion and you see that their arguments may have an effect on other, less toxic, individuals, you may provide some factual information (with links if needed). But do not address these comments to the bully. 

4. You may, if needed, change the topic of the discussion. Do not respond to the transphobe's arguments directly. Instead, direct your comments towards the others following the discussion. These comments should be about the motives of  transphobes in general, revealing that their arguments are not about facts. They reflect bigotry. 

This tactic is a variant of a strategy used by many to handle workplace harassment. Instead of sheepishly smiling if someone tries to humiliate you, you look them straight in the eye and ask them to explain themselves. You move the discussion from your character to their character. That forces them to reveal their true intentions to the others present, which is embarrassing. 

As noted, addressing a transphobe directly online - where there are no colleagues or friends who know them - may backfire, but revealing their true nature to the others taking part in the discussion may work. 

Still, if in doubt, do not respond at all. Protect your mental health!

When I asked for some input to this post over at Bluesly, Pollik answered that you should block early, "if you have any doubts at all:"

She added:

"Best outcome is you block a terf. Worst outcome, you lose a potential follower...one out of millions available. Trust your gut. You have a less than 1% chance of converting a phobic troll. Don't invest too much of yourself in a convo with a stranger."

I might add that if you have your own blog or forum, ban them as soon as you have identified them as trolls. Do not hesitate!

Ashley added that if  you have a nemesis that "only means that your mission and purpose are validated."

Amen to that, sister!

Illustration: Theodor Kittelsen, The Sea Troll, 1887