January 1, 2008

A Reader's Guide to the Crossdreaming and "Autogynephilia" Blog

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This blog is about men who dream about having a female body, and women who dream about having a man's. Crossdreaming is actually much more common than you may think.This blog is for those who are trying to get to terms with such desires and others that might find the topic interesting.

Here are some essential blog posts to get you going:

What is crossdreaming?

Crossdreaming Described (Crossdreaming defined and described)

Discussions of crossdreaming (by some referred to as "autogynephilia")

What the sexual fantasies of non-transgender people tell us about the dreams of those who are trans

The Autogynephilia Theory Again... ( a post that gives you the gist of the argument)

More than one third of non-transgender people have had crossgender dreams and fantasies

On the inner femininity of crossdreamers (On the theory arguing that innate femininity in men can lead to feminine homosexuality, transsexualism or crossdreaming)

The cause of crossdreaming - an alternative model (A popular presentation of the Natalie/Molay model of sex and gender variation).

Crossdreaming ("autogynephilia") as something normal (The O'Keefe Model that states that such erotic dreams are quite common)

On Gilmartin's love shy men and male lesbians (On meek men who are afraid to approach the women they worship).

The female and male copulation instinct (A discussion on how different copulation instincts may not always follow sexual orientation)

On the inborn sex identity (Using the story of Viktor/Viktoria and David Reimer I argue that there definitely is such a thing as an inborn sex identity and that crossdreaming may have a biological core).

The Massey University Study of Transgender People (On Jamie Veale's approach to gender variance and crossdreaming)

The Transgender Carl Jung (Using the concepts of Jungian psychology to understand crossdreaming.)

Wife of an autogynephiliac asks for help (On discovering that your husband is a crossdreamer)

Crossdreaming ("autogynephilia") and loneliness (On how to find love and keep it)

On the sex life of crossdreamers (On how to integrate crossdreaming in a heterosexual relationship)

Crossdreamer love (When male to female and female to male crossdreamers meet)

Is there a cure for  crossdreaming ("autogynephilia" or "autoandrophilia")? (On various therapies that have been used in order to cure crossdreaming)

Sally Molay's collection of sites, books, articles and more for the partners of crossdreamers and transgender people

On female to male crossdreamers (girlfags and "autoandrophiliacs")

When women dream about being men

FTM Crossdreaming ("autoandrophilia), on women who fantasize about having a man's body. (Some doubt that they even exist, but I know that there are quite a few women out there that dream about being a man in a sexual relationship with a man).

The transgender Kama Sutra (Is crossdreaming a product of modern Western civilization or is it ubiquitous? The presence  of female to male crossdreamers in the Kama Sutra tells us that there are crossdreamers everywhere and everywhen).

The Yaoi Culture and the female to male crossdreamers  (The female to male crossdreamers or "girlfags" are hiding in plain sight, expressing their transgender lives through Japanes style comics and stories.)

Ray Blanchard and the missing girlfag (On how Ray Blanchard proposed to include "autoandrophilia" in the American Psychiatric Manual, while at the same time denying the existence of female to male crossdreamers)

There are also a couple of blogposts over at my XD Express blog that might be of interest:

The autogynephilia theory

The term autogynephilia was introduced by the psychologist Ray Blanchard. He defined it as "a man's paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a female". Crossdreamers do definitely exist, but his explanation of the phenomenon is problematic, to say the least. The following posts discuss the theory in a critical way:

Autogynephilia on a Napkin (A popular illustrated presentation of the topic)

Autogynephilia dismissed (The main arguments against the theory)

Autogynephilia defined (A presentation of Anne Lawrence and her use of the term autogynephilia)

Autogynephilia: The Dark Side (On why the autogynephilia theory meets so much resistance in transgender circles)

Beyond the Perversion (More in depth discussion of the Blanchard theory)

More than one third of non-transgender people have had crossgender dreams and fantasies

The political and cultural conflicts

Transphobic propaganda and the myths of desitance and regret (with reference to TERFs and right wing anti-trans propaganda)

The Harry Benjamin Syndrome (on how a group of transsexual women tried to invalidate other trans people)

On lesbians, transgender people and feminism (my response to a "trans exclusionary radical feminist" on the role of trans people in feminism).

Truscum and the Transgender War of Words (on a more recent tribe of transgender separatists)

What about non- and detransitioning transgender people?

On evolutionary biology

This series presents the views of biologist Joan Roughgarden and her social selection theory. Her approach represents a good alternative to the traditional binary approach to sex and gender.

Biological research


On the statistical differences between men and women (They are not as big as you think!)

Yes, there may be such a thing as an inborn sex identity! (Trans Express response regarding post-structuralist and radical feminist attempts at reducing sex identity to a socially constructed gender).

What Comic Book Hero Nemi Taught Me About Sex, Gender and Transgender

On the DSM-5 and ICD-11 health manuals and their transgender coverage

What the DSM-5 says about terms like transgender, transsexual and gender dysphoria

The WHO ICD-11 health manual removes transvestic fetishism. Being trans is no longer a mental illness.


The spiritual life of a crossdreamer (Many crossdreamers try to incorporate their crossdreaming into their religious and spiritual life)

Spellbound transgender (On myths and fairy tales used in self exploration)

Explanation of terms

Transgender and transsexual dictionary

A Creative Crossdreamer Vocabulary (A list of imaginary and not so imaginary words to describe the crossdreamer experience)

These are just a few of the blog posts on this site. Use the table of contents and the tags in the right hand column to find more.

Trans Express

Trans Express is my tumblr blog for quick responses to trans, girlfag and crossdreamer topics.

You will find a list of essential blog post of broader interest here!

The Survey

The Crossdreamer Survey of Gender Variance 2014

Crossdreamer and transgender resource directory
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  1. Hi,
    I just found your blog and have been reading for the past 2 hours. It is very well done and outstanding in that it precisely reflects my lifelong "suppressed" sexuality and personal autogynephilic issues. I am a physician, now over age 60 and can do little to fulfill my longstanding desires other than reading about the issue and now, thanks to your blog, feeling in some small way a part of a "brotherhood" if you will.
    There is so much I'd lke to say and ask, but I don't want to take up too much of your time. But please know that you have helped me greatly by your professional approach to "our" mutual and unique feelings.
    I will ask only one question now and await a reply to see if you (or any or your readers) are interested in further discussing an approach which I find helps my frustrations a great deal. I stay in excellent physical shape so that I can take personal photos onto which I photoshop female breasts, both nude and clothed. I have become extremely proficient and the pics are quite realistic. They somewhat fulfill my fantasy and have become a main source of my sexual stimulation, including fantasizing about them as I make love to my wife who knows of and accepts my autogynephilia (but not my photo fantasy). I would love to share my photos with others of similar interests probably a bit of exhibtionism on my part!) and I would very much appreciate your thoughts (and other readers of your blog) on this photographic approach to autogynephilia.
    Thank you again for your fine efforts,

  2. It is good to hear another story about a man that has come to terms with his strange fate. And I am glad to see that you have a wife that accepts this part of you. I think this is of great help to others, including myself.

    I find your photo hobby very fascinating. Given that our feminine side is such an important part of us, I believe most autogynephiliacs struggle to find some way to express it. As far as I can see there are two main avenues:

    1. Cross-dressing (normally in private)
    2. TG captioning (adding fantasies and stories to erotic images)

    There are, as you probably know, a large number of online fora where autogynephiliacs can share captions anonymously.

    You are clearly using Photoshop to make such images a little bit more realistic, and I am sure there must be other image editor savvy "brothers"/"sisters" out there that do the same or could contemplate doing it.

    There is one major problem, though: anonymity. You do not want pictures of this kind out in the public domain.

    I can think of one possible avenue. Become a member of Rachel's Haven (http://www.rachelshaven.com/) or Feeling Femme (http://www.rachelshaven.com/) and contribute with a few traditional caps in order to get acquainted with other members.

    This is all about trust, and you need to demonstrate that you will no harm. Then you could post your idea in one of the appropriate forum categories and see if there are others that find this interesting. Then you may use the forum email systems to discuss what to do.

    Under no circumstance should you post images where you are clearly identifiable in the forums themselves.

    That was one idea on how to proceed. Are there any others who know how our friend can get in touch with others?


  3. Thank you very much for your prompt reply, Jack. I too do some crossdressing from time to time and wear my breastforms around the house. But regarding my photos, I certainly agree that anonymity is crucial were I to post any photos. I'm thinking that I would exclude face in all instances. Do you think that would be sufficient and safe? I will visit rachelshaven.com immediately and introduce myself. I'll wait on posting anything and hopefully, your members might have an interest.
    Thank you again,
    Thank you again,

  4. Hi! This is another anonymous user than the previous one!
    I have been doing photoshop, as you have been doing too. I find it really good at times as a relaxer, and explorer of my 'inner-womanhood'. After reading this post I did the Rachel's Forum registration... And left a message in the "New Introductions", my name on their is Lexi... Anyways, if you are still doing the photoshop thing, let me know... And maybe we can examine/ trade notes on better photos!

  5. Wow, your smile looks really feminine, almost like you are a smiling woman. :)

  6. Hello there!
    I find this blog to be the most balanced & well written of them all regarding these subjects. I am so relieved it exists.

    I'd like to send an email with some interesting points (I am also a crossdreamer at the point of decision on which choice I shall make), however I can't seem to access the email address for this site. Could you tell me what the address is please?

    Best regards,

  7. Dear Fran,

    Send your email to jack.molay@gmail.com

  8. After reading much of this discussion, there is a lot, I have one thought I would like to propose for the collective and the arguments presented. Is being a human in terms of gender as black and white as Male and Female? Or are Male and Female man made ideals and in reality Humans are subject to the variations of nature and gender is really a gray scale of multiple factors? (Note: Gender, being in the brain, sexuality being between the legs. In this thought, the idea of gender re-assignment surgery would equal a brain transplant) Re-arrange the thoughts of this blog under the suggestion that gender is not a naturally bi-modal situation, rather the idea of Male female is a function of being normal. Not sure what to replace it with, but I would ooffer that by nature, gender is subject varations we do not understand, but let me offer a few to start the ideas flowing. Gender could be a scale of 1. Genetic Gender (chromosomal), 2. Physical Gender (sexual characteristics), 3. Brain Gender (Functional structure of the brain, along gender lines), 4. Brain Sex (Love/sex Patterns, relating to others on a social, interpersonal and sexual level), 5. Gender Identity (Our subjective gender, how we feel ourselves to be: male or female).

    Does this impact the argument?

  9. Hello All I would like to remain anonymous but I can say that I have felt like a Gay man trapped in a womans body ,,I am very masculine at the soul level with no attraction to women and I don't like womens clothes on my partner , I would never change my sex but would like to meet a Feminine Man who is not a crossdresser because although Ive known many I just cant get into that type of femininity .Ive been very attracted to many beautiful (at least I think so ) men but lost all interest after taking off half of their clothes I am really not into women and I believ femininity is more than clothing deep .I would love to meet a grounded (non narcissist 9ANOTHER TRAIT THAT IS OFTEN CONFUSED WITH FEMININITY) man who is secure in a femininity that I can respect because i dont possess it,
    I have fought fire and played rugby and wrestled men at the college level I seek a Mr Humphries type I will contact anyone who leaves me their contact e-mail

  10. I am looking to see if anyone has heard of my dilemma .I am a masculine woman think gay man in womans body and i appreciate feminine men but have never had a real relationship outside of bodyguarding Men who crossdress or do drag shows. I present as feminine since I stopped fighting fire and wrestling and playing rugby on mens teams . I am just wondering if anyone has heard of my dilemma and understands that I am not talking about lesbianism or crossdressing im looking for a soul connection with my opposite
    I would contact anyone who could help me if they left their contact info. I cant do that just yet

  11. @anonymous

    You should put this comment up on crossdreamlife.com. There are members there who I believe will fit your dream profile of a man.

    Throughout this year I have come to realize that there are millions like you out there. Search this blog for the word 'girlfag'!

  12. Jack, I can't thank you enough for putting this blog out there. I'm so relieved to see so many of us exist and I'm not the lone freak of nature. I always justified my "habit" as basically creative masturbation - I could "be" both the giver and the receiver. By "being" the female things weren't so boring for sure. That lonely feeling afterwards of disappointment compared to actual sex with someone was not so noticeable. I too eventually came to view "her" and "me" as 2 separate entities, not opposing parts of myself. Sounds crazy, kind of split personaity-ish, but helped me handle it by feeling it was "sorted out" somehow. The inner conflict is just something i've gotten used to, society is always trying to put good/acceptable or bad/ unacceptable labels on everything but we don't have to apply them to ourselves. They need the illusion of control. The more we can ignore that unfortunate rule book the better our differences become. I also suspected it must be much more common than it appears - the majority of men like us probably keep it to themselves, as i always have, figuring no one would understand anyway so why risk revealing it? How can the basic premise of "being what you desire" be so unusual? Particularly if you also have real relationships with women and sex isn't a problem? Thanks again, you've saved my sanity!

  13. It is actually very common, not only among male bodied transgender but also among female bodied ones. (Search for girlfag in this blog for more information).

    As for establishing a separate female personality:

    This is actually quite common among crossdreamers. I have called this second personality complex for the Ponyo (named after the Japanese anime movie)

    This is the psyche's way of handling the unbearable conflict between your feminine self and your masculine life. It makes perfect sense when you think about it.

  14. I feel a great big 'thank you' for the Crossdreamers blog.
    Although I have had years personal exploration and reading in sexuality and gender issues your blog has given me a new vocabulary and insight.
    Your articles are inspiring and supportive, so well done and please keep doing what you do so well.

  15. @Karma

    Thank you for your kind words! They mean a lot to me.

    And to all of you: Keep debating crossdreaming both here and over at Crossdream Life. By making crossdreamers visible, it is much harder to dehumanize us.

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  17. After years of therapy, the consensus of therapists I saw was that I should accept my orientation, enjoy it, find others who shared or understood it (of whatever gender), and decide how to express it in my life. This last is very important; we must learn to take responsibility for how we live and enjoy our autogynephilia. We are not victims, we can be what we are and live empowered lives.

  18. Hmm, never dreamed that I was the opposite sex, but as a gay male I've frequently had sexual fantasies (while wide awake) that I was a beautiful woman having hot sex with a straight man...

  19. Hi. Me too, I'm a crossdreamer too! My whole life, at least from age 3 and probably earlier, has been one long crossdream. Occasionally I have served professional and nonprofessional dominas, and sometimes I have crossdressed on my own or sneaked hormone pills. Currently I am involved with pueraria mirifica in several forms.

    When I was about 3, my father took me for a walk. At the corner of Hillside Ave and 204th street (how vividly I remember it) he stopped and said "I understand you've been playing with yourself down there; better stop, or you'll turn into a girl." I knew right away that my aunt had put him up to saying that, for shortly before she had caught me playing with myself and said she would tell my father. Her purpose was to awaken my crossdreaming fetish, as I've learned since from her abuse of her own sons. I may have already been a crossdreamer potentially, but now I became her creature, and I have been that ever since.

    I first 'came out' at a job where my supervisor had a thing for a lady analyst and thought I had put down her dyslexia (actually, I liked her too). One day he said to me, chuckling, "G. says 'Ian is androgynous'." Without thinking, I answered him "She's right." He was surprised at this and departed with a scowl. That was a moment of liberation for me!

  20. Hyggelig å se en nordmann til her!

    Thank you for sharing this. I am always amazed at all the diversity I find in crossdreamer circles, and I am glad you have had your moment of liberation.

  21. Whenever I've made love with a woman, I have felt like I was melting into her femininity. I could never understand just f.ing her and taking possession of her. That seemed to me to miss the whole point of the experience.


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