A typology for understanding sexual variation

Photos.com

When I started writing this blog, I was struck by all the linguistic complexities I had to face. The standard model of sex and gender is extremely simple:

Any person who has a female body is a woman. But that is not all:

1. She feels that she is a woman
2. She thinks like a woman (whatever that is supposed to mean)
3. She is attracted to men

The only complexity most people try to handle these days is item number 3: Sexual orientation. More and more seem to agree that same-sex sex is OK, and therefore add sexual orientation as a second dimension to the model.

Sexual orientation is by most considered binary, as well. There are those that are heterosexual and those that are homosexual. Bisexuals are often left out in the cold, in the same way many people find it hard to cope with people who do not clearly respect the sex divide. Children soon learn to search for subtle signs that can help them classify a person as a girl or a boy.

The everyday model conflates the biological sex and the cultural gender. I my language, Norwegian, we actually use the same word for both concepts: kjønn. That is: Language itself forces Norwegians to think of the two as one.

I use a very essayistic style in this blog, but sometimes it is useful to take a completely logical approach to typology and classifications. David/Davida, my fellow crossdreamer and author of Some Thoughts on Crossdressing, has developed a systematic classification of the various dimensions of sex, gender and sexuality, which I find very useful. He/she has given me permission to publish it here.

Is there a cure for "autogynephilia"?

A cure for autogynephilia.
(Photos.com)

No, there is not a cure for "autogynephilia" or erotic crossdreaming (also known as crossgender embodiment fantasies). Such fantasies are natural expressions of gender variance, and not signs of a mental disease. There are many ways of handling "autogynephilia" though.

My site statistics cannot tell me who my readers are, but the numbers do tell me what search terms they used when finding the site. The most popular search phrase is variations of "Is there a cure for autogynephilia?" (or "Is there a treatment for autoandrophilia?" as might be).

I will,  to the best of my ability, try to answer that question in this blog post.

An important disclaimer

Before I do, however, there are a few points that have to be made:

1. "Autogynephilia" is a term made by the researcher Ray Blanchard meaning "the love of one self as a woman". The idea is that autogynephiles are men sexually attracted to the image of themselves as women (as opposed to "normal" men who are attracted to real women "out there").

This explanation is definitely wrong. Male to female "autogynephiles" do fall in love with real women "out there" all the time, and are often very loyal partners and husbands. Nor can crossdreaming be reduced to a sexual condition only. Ray Blanchard has proven himself to be a transphobic activist and this also colors his research.

I have coined the term "erotic crossdreaming" as a neutral alternative to the term "autogynephilia". It simply refers to men (and women) who get aroused by imagining themselves as the opposite sex. 

As I understand it crossdreamers is a subcategory of the umbrella term transgender (referring to all people who diverge from the normative gender roles allotted  to their original biological sex).

Note also that cross-gender fantasies and arousing embodiment fantasies are found in all types of people, cis and trans, straight and gay, female or male. These fantasies are quite common and therefore not "abnormal" in any sense of the word.

2. There is in fact no scientific consensus on what causes crossdreaming. I belong to those that believe that it has a biological core that is expressed through culturally determined symbols, but you should not take my word for it. All crossdreamers have to determine for themselves what makes sense to them.

3. I am not a certified doctor, psychologist or sexologist. I probably know more about crossdreaming than most professionals, but you should always seek professional guidance before you do something drastic. If you find a therapist with and open and emphatic heart, that may compensate for their lack of crossdreamer competences.

Is there a cure for "autogynephilia"?

Is there a cure for what Blanchard calls "autogynephilia" and I call "erotic crossdreaming".

The short answer to this question is no. 

I have been in touch with a large number of crossdreamers and crossdressers, and I have read most of the literature. I have so far not found one reliable story about a crossdreamer who has been cured of this condition.

But do not despair yet. There are ways of coping.

In the following I will discuss what strategies seem to work and what clearly does not work. I am not going to burden you with a lot of academic references in this post. If you want to explore the literature, explore this blog. Many posts contain extensive discussions of research in the area.

The Yaoi Culture and the Female to Male Crossdreamers

Typical yuoi manga cover.
From Houyou Hikken.
Note the German title: Your Heart! Yaoi is a
global culture.

What makes women, world wide, write and read comics about men having sex? Crossdreaming, of course!

There are scientists who deny the existence of female to male crossdreamers, that is female bodied persons who get turned on by the idea of being a man. As far as these scientists are concerned only men can be what they consider "paraphiliacs" or "perverts".

Ray Blanchard, who came up with the "autogynephilia" theory, belongs to these researchers.

I have through several blog posts documented that not only are there female to male crossdreamers among us now; we find them in a wide variety of cultures and they have most likely always been here.

In other words: This is not a purely cultural or psychological phenomenon.

The reason the researchers do not see the FTM crossdreamers, is that they do not look for them.

Today I am going to present to you the fascinating world of female to male crossdreaming, and prove to you that there are large numbers of girls who dream about being boys out there.

They have their own thriving crossdreamer and crossdresser culture, in which we find a lot of parallels to their male to female counterparts.

Welcome to the world of Boy's Love and yaoi!

Thanks to Uli Meyer

I am very grateful to the German researcher Uli Meyer. In her article "Hidden in straight sight: Trans'gressing gender and sexuality via BL" in the anthology Boys' Love Manga: Essays on the Sexual Ambiguity and Cross-Cultural Fandom of the Genre  she has managed to make the female bodied crossdreamer visible for themselves and for the rest of us.

She has put them within a framework that makes sense, not only for the people involved, but also for people like me. I am using that article actively in this post. Do read the original! Her work is going to change our understanding of what it means to be transgender.

Some words about words

When you try to write about female and male bodied crossdreamers at the same time, it is easy to get lost in the terminology, as the inter-gender dynamics are a bit unusual.

Rutta to Kodama, yaoi comic presenting
a male same sex relationship. Note that
both look quite feminine, but the
uke to the left more so than the
dominant seme to the right. In manga
large eyes might signify both
child like innocence and femininity.

In this post MTF refers to male to female, i.e. male bodied persons who dream about being women or -- in the case of transsexuals -- transsexual women who have realigned their female mind with their hormonally and/or surgically altered female body.

FTM means female to male, meaning people with two X chromosomes who fantasize about being men, male being their target sex. FTM crossdreamers might call themselves "girlfags" online, a word most of them  do not find offensive.

Some crossdreamers may identify with their target sex, living at the transsexual end of the transgender scale. Unless they have transitioned, these often experience gender dysphoria, a deep unease from not having a body that fits their "inner woman" or "inner man".

Other crossdreamers identify with their biological birth sex, arguing that their fantasies do not entail another sex or gender identity. Most of these do not report  dysphoria. Note, however, that there is a lot of denial and repression going around. The crossdreamer's journey may be a trip from  one end of the scale to another.

I consider all of these people transgender, in the umbrella term sense of the word.

The terms "inner  man" and "inner woman" are metaphors referring to whatever it is that seeks expression through crossdressing and/or crossdreaming. I truly believe there is a biological core to crossdreaming as well as the transsexual condition, but the terms are helpful even if there isn't one.

To avoid confusion as to what the terms "heterosexual" and "homosexual" refer to (birth sex or target sex), I refer to people who are predominantly attracted to women as "gynephilic" and people oriented towards men as "androphilic". Believe me, it is easier this way!

I refer to FTM crossdreamers as women if it is clear that they publicly identify as such, and as men if they tell us that they are men. Transmen are men in my book. End of story!

What is BL and yaoi?

An uke is the submissive receptive partner in a yaoi gay
male relationship.
From the blog Manga Freak.

Male bodied male to female crossdreamers have different ways of expressing their "inner woman".

Some crossdress. Some explore their female avatar in online gaming. Others write stories or TG captions (illustrations accompanied by ultra short TG transgender stories).

They are all trying to express a side of their own self that the society around them does not accept. These are men who not only dream about being women, but who even would like to have sex as women.

The FTM crossdreamer culture has had a different cultural trajectory and history. At this moment in history their main way of expressing their "inner man" is through Boy's Love and yaoi, which at its core is a genre of Japanese style comics.

Boy's Love,  BL  or yaoi comics contain stories about gay male relationships. They are written by women, though, and the readership is mainly female. Boy's Love female readers identify with one or both of the male characters in these stories.

On how American psychiatry persecutes transgender crossdreamers and crossdressers

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Finding love as a crossdreamer

Photo from Photos.com

My post on my life as a crossdreamer has generated several very interesting comments, both online and in emails.

Joanna sent me the text included at the end of this post as a response to my discussion of the crossdreamer and/or  crossdresser's dilemma when it comes to establishing steady love relationships.

Sexual orientation

It seems to me a majority male to female (MTF) crossdreamers, whether they are crossdressers or not, fall in love with women. In the same way, female to male crossdreamers seem to be primarily attracted to men. Like most human beings they long for love and someone with whom to share their lives. 

But many MTF crossdreamers feel like they are wired like women sexually, which is one reason for why they often fantasize about being women when having sex. Needless to say, on the long term it may be hard to "play" the role of the man in bed, when what you desire is another role entirely.

It may be slightly easier to be a female to male (FTM) crossdreamer taking the proactive role in bed. In the dark undercurrents of our cultures being an aggressive man is still considered more admirable than being  female. Still, for a female bodied person not to live up to the gender stereotypes of the day is definitely not a walk in the park. There will be feelings of confusion, shame and guilt.

Establishing a relationship

Normally this has not stopped  crossdreamers from going steady or getting married. One of the reasons for this is that many crossdreamers truly believe that a regular heterosexual relationship  will cure them of their crossdreaming.

The Trans “Sense of Community” Survey

Cristan Williams has put up a trans community survey to study the way gender variant and transsexual people understand the notion of a trans community.

Those who have followed this blog know that this is not a simple questions. There are, for instance, crossdreamers and crossdressers who are clearly transsexual at heart, while others argue strongly that they are not even transgender.

They are all invited to take this survey, however.

Like Cristan, I mostly think of the trans community of a community of interest. The members of this community is a diverse bunch, but they have one thing in common: They violate the cultural mores of their own society by overstepping the borders between male and female in one way or the other.

This applies to crossdreamers and crossdressers, who commit the cardinal sin of dreaming or fantasizing of being the other sex, and it applies to transsexuals whose sex identity is clearly and indisputably misaligned with their birth sex. They therefore have an common interest in making society more tolerant towards those who find themselves on the outside.

Besides: The border between crossdreamers and crossdressers on the one hand and transsexuals on the other is blurred. Some transsexuals start out as crossdreamers, which tells me that there is much to gain and learn from interaction and collaboration.

UPDATE: Note that the survey seems to be targeting US citizens. I guess non-Americans may enter the name of their country instead of the ZIP-code. The survey also seems to be oriented towards "off-line communities", i.e. organized meetings of people in the local community. Again, I suppose you may add "online" as a location, if your main interaction with the trans community is online.

UPDATE 2: The survey is for Americans and is not anonymous. See comments below.

Cristan has more about the survey here.
You can take the survey here.