June 6, 2012

Falling in love with your own anima

Betty Boop falls in love
There i an interesting parallel between Carl Jung's anima-theory (that each man has an unconscious feminine side) and Ray Blanchard's autogynephilia-theory (that some men get aroused by the idea of having a woman's body).

A man will repress not only associated with what he and his culture considers the negative nature of woman, Jung argues. His anima will also be projected onto other women.

His unconscious misogyny may, for instance,  turn many of the women he meets  into stupid airheads.

But he will also project his inner ideal woman, i.e. the image of the beautiful, loving, merciful and perfect woman.

As Jung points out the man projects his own feminine side onto a woman, and then falls head over heals in love with her!

Yes, according to Jung infatuated love is indeed autoerotic, but unlike Ray Blanchard  -- who believes that it is only the "autogynephilac" who can fall in love with the image of himself as a woman,  Jung believes this applies to all men.

At this point it becomes, of course, meaningless to label this as a sexual perversion.

Deborah speaks out

Deborah Kate made the following comment to my blog post on Jung's anima and animus:

"The crossdreamer owns their feminine side, rather than projects it out on to women."

Indeed, there are male to female crossdreamers who report that they have not experienced the infatuating kind of love madness.

They do love women, and probably more than most men. They have also loved individual women, being those friends, partners or wives. But they have not experienced that crazy possession like feeling of being enthralled by woman they barely know.

Could it be that they do not project their inner woman, because they already know her?

Infatuation is not a law

I am sure that there are those that will take this as another proof of crossdreamers being perverts. They would probably argue that men are supposed to be bewitched by women, and that any man that does not is evolutionary inferior.

I seriously doubt that.

Not only is the romantic falling in love kind of crush a cultural phenomenon (it appeared in Europe in the middle ages as a reinterpretation of the mystical love between God and a man's soul). It is also frowned upon i cultures where your obligations to your family surpasses your obligations to yourself.

Anima and the body

All right, but could it be that crossdreamers are projecting their own anima onto their own body instead of a real woman out there?

I doubt that very much.

The infatuation found in the crazy kind of love always passes when the real woman behind the projection is revealed. And that always happens because of the wear and tear of real life. Then the infatuation in turned into an appreciation of the real woman, or it dies.

The crossdreamers know far to well that their own inner or outer woman rarely lives up to the women of their fantasies.

Besides, most male to female crossdreamers actually do fall crazy in love -- with other women, out there. And those that don't... well... maybe they know more about what it means to be a woman than their enemies would like to believe.


  1. Crossdressing may be an act born from the inability to find a trust worthy partner so it becomes safer to be with the woman that is created from self than a woman who is not self.

    There is a sensitivity that I find to be common among crossdressers that is absent from much of the non-crossdressing male populace leaving them exposed to the vulgarities of life that are found equally among the sexes.

    Could men who crossdress do so because they cannot find a virtuous representation in a woman but they can in themselves so they are able to create both madonna and whore in one body, theirs.

  2. @Kelly

    "Could men who crossdress do so because they cannot find a virtuous representation in a woman but they can in themselves..."

    I doubt that, as many male to female crossdressers and crossdreamers actually find understanding women to love and cherish. I certainly found one :)

  3. Beneath the romanticism, heterosexual desire for others is so often a desperate, thoroughly selfish matter, harmful to both parties. Everything from horrible abuse to unrequited love to jealousy and guilt to stifling marriages.

    In contrast, the self-accepting crossdreamer does not impose their sexual desire on others.

    Of course love for others can be good, of course there are couples who have been happy together for decades. Of course not all crossdreamers are content. But I think the normal view of other-orientated being healthy and giving versus autogynephilia being unhealthy and selfish should be challenged.

  4. @Mitchell

    Welcome to Crossdreamers! I am looking forward to more comments from you...

    Your idea of projecting "the inner prince" makes perfect sense to me.

    This may also explain some of the attraction felt between male to female and female to male crossdreamers. They complement each other.

    A wonderful description of a similar phenomenon is found in a book by Helen Boyd called "She is Not the Man I Married" (http://amzn.to/LaKw1C)

    Helen Boyd married a male to female crossdresser and discovered her own inner tomboy in the process.

    Boyd is not transgender, but her attraction to the feminine side of her husband and his attraction to her masculine side rhymes with what you are saying.

  5. http://thirdwaytrans.com/2014/09/09/all-parts-of-the-psyche-are-valid/


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