Resources for Partners of Transgender People

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When I found out my husband is a woman inside, I started googling. I wanted to find information for people who have a transgender spouse, forums with support for partners of transgender people and stories of couples that had found a way to make it work. Here is what I have found.

When the one you love is trans. Image by Kannaa.

By Sally Molay

Blogs

• She Was the Man of My Dreams (About the male-to-female transgender experience from a spouse’s perspective.)
• enGender/My Husband Betty (Helen Boyd's journal of gender & trans issues.) 
• Accidentally Gay (By a man in a same sex marriage after his wife transitioned to man.)

Forums

• TransFamily 
• Spouses of Transgender Community Group
• Engender_Family
• The My Husband Betty Forum
• Spouses of Transgender
• Mypartneristrans (on Reddit)
• Soffa Trans (on Facebook)

How I found out my husband is a woman inside and what happened next

Photo: Robin Beckham

Buried Treasure, a Love Story

By Sally Molay, Guest Blogger


Different but the same
Where I stumble across the surprise of my life

"He is no different than he was yesterday. He is straight and he loves me."

These were the first thoughts I put on paper after I found out that my husband, Jack, is transgender, a woman in a man's body.

I was literally dizzy for days, and very frightened. But I was also eager to find the truth about the man I loved and I was overwhelmed thinking about how lonely he must be carrying this huge secret, scary on his own, how frustrated and sad. My heart was breaking for him. (Pronouns are difficult in this case. I use the ones Jack use.)

This is how I found out: I stumbled across his pseudonymous twitter account, which linked to a blog authored by the same pseudonym, a person living as a man, but perceiving himself as a woman. Some days later, I gathered the courage to read more and learned that, in his own words, he was attracted to women and happily married. Knowing this gave me a measure of security.

But so much remained unresolved: If I confronted him, would he freak out? Would I freak out? Would I still be attracted to him, knowing there was a female identity inside the body of the man I loved? The blog went back seven years. Could I live with the fact that he had kept this from me all that time? Could we make it work?