December 13, 2013

Trans woman speaks out about crossdreaming and transitioning

There is a very interesting post over at the reddit Crossdreamer subedit written by transtwin about crossdreaming and the question of transitioning.
Gender questioning (photo: Vladimir Nikulin)

It is interesting because transtwin is a transsexual woman, and we do not often hear from crossdreamers after they have transitioned. (They are, for obvious reasons, moving on with their lives.)

Secondly it is helpful because she presents a very balanced and pragmatic approach to the decision gender dysphoric crossdreamers have to make.

She writes:

"Whether you like it or not, you have a type of sexuality that requires you to look carefully at yourself and take an account of your life and your future in a way that others don't have to. Here is what you need to ask yourself:

  • How do these feelings impact me on a daily basis, how have these feelings evolved over time? How do I anticipate these feeling impacting my ability to do my job, function as a member of society, and fulfill my potential? What do I see in my future in regards to these feelings?
  • How do these feelings impact my relationships with others? Do I feel that I am hiding a part of myself I wish I wasn't? In sexual relationships, do I feel like I am satisfied with who I get to be? Does my sexuality mesh/match well with my partner, really?
  • Will I grow older and always wonder 'what if?'
  • What are my reasons for hiding this side of myself from others? Do I find myself modifying my truths and doing my best to be what others want me to be instead of what I want to be myself?"
She does not say that dysphoric crossdreamers ought to transition. She does not say that transitioning is wrong. Instead she underlines the need for a process where you try to understand what all of this is and what it means for you:

"If all you ever do is all you ever did, don't ever expect any real answers. /u/wxhluyp, jack molay or anyone else will not reveal to you an answer about what is right for you or your future, only you can do that, and you can only do that through real action and honest exploration.

For some, it will lead to full transition, for others it won't at all. The real truth is that it doesn't matter, if you allow yourself the opportunity to explore yourself in the ways you have always wanted to, you will resolve the what ifs, and this will make all the difference. I promise."

Amen to that, sister!

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