About crossing gender lines – transgender, nonbinary and queer issues
Crossdressing: Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation from Maddie on Vimeo.
I dont catch something = You explained that you were a shemale and so tried to live as a woman.You explain that you don't wear woman's clothes only dream about body.So you don't only dream about body, you crossdress or at least crossdressed.So your autogynephilia is not only about body. If it wad, you would change your body (not necessary genitals but face for exemple) and not your clothes.
It also seems like you never took hormones. Is it correct ?
Are these questions addressed to me or to Ilas?
You. Ilas told nothing about himself that would make the tell that he was a shemale while you told that you wanted to be a shemale for a while at least.
@anonymousI am living as a male and has not undergone any form of hormone therapy or surgery to appear as a woman or a transgenderist ("shemale").I do not crossdress. For me it is not enjoyable, as it only reminds me of my masculinity.I have a lot in common with many crossdressers, though, as I am a crossdreamer like them. That means that I have feminization fantasies and fantasize about having a woman's body.I believe this is the feminine part of myself that tries to find some way of expressing herself.Could I have become a transwoman? Maybe, if the circumstances had been different, but as they are I try to make sense of it all and find ways of integrating the two sides of myself.
You told in your story that you lived as a shemale but that as you were not passing, you stoped, correct ?
What is a crossdreamer by the way ?Someone who as a sexual and gender problem and dreams to do what transtestits do ?
I found your story in the blog (you tried to live full time, hates the shemale community, then stoped because all people were seeing that you were a man while your terapist told you that you could pass : was it yur story or the story of someone else ?)I can not find it again in the blog. Why don't you put it clearly on the page that comes when we clock on your name ?Someone who arrived here doesn't know your story and can find it easily.
Ok, I found the story.It was not your story but a letter you got and published in september.So you are not the one who lived as a woman.You don't even dress.Interesting.
So, in your fantacies, you want to be a female only for the body and not AT ALL for the clothes.That seems to be an even more difficut life than the life or a transvestite.An AG like me, who is excited by stockings, polish on his feet, seeing his own feet and legs in nylon... can easily find a way to sooth the inner pression. Somewhat the life of a transvestite is even less complicated than the life or a normal straight guy (who can not go in a shop and by a girl like I can buy stockings).But how can you get ride of the inner tension apart from by changing your body ?Your situation seems close to transexual people who change their body as they think they need a female body.
Do you know about Pierre Molinier ?If not :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_MolinierI think that you should talk about him.Don't you agree ?
@Anonymous"So, in your fantacies, you want to be a female only for the body and not AT ALL for the clothes. That seems to be an even more difficut life than the life or a transvestite."Yes, I guess it can be, as it is harder to find a way of expressing that inner woman. After all, most crossdreamers (i.e. people who get turned on by the idea of having the body of the opposite sex) find a kind of balance through crossdressing.The reason I started this blog in the first place was that I had no way of expressing that part of me.Many crossdreamers (crossdressing or not crossdressing)find an outlet through transgender erotica, reading or writing. There is, for instance, a large subculture for TG capping, where crossdreamers combine images and text in order to shape their fantasies.
How is your sexual life ? Love life ?Do you have some or you are closed in your own world in which you are powerful ?
@anonymousI am living with a wonderful woman I love more than anything else in the world. As for the sex, this is not always easy, but we find a way.When you ask about being powerful, I am not sure what you mean. Two people who love each other also have power over the other. The thing is not to misuse that power - use it to support the other, help her (or him) become what she was supposed to be.As for my work life, I guess you could say I have some influence over others. For some peculiar reason some non-apha crossdreamers, like me, end up in positions of power, even if we wish for a more peaceful life. I like to think that this is not because of any ruthlessness in our character, but because we can use our feminine selves to make people thrive.
Powerful = stuck in your narcissism, in love with yourself and enjoying your own body as if you were your own wife.But it seems that you are not as you live with someone.
Transvestite and all people who want to have a female body in their dreams are very narcissistic people in my opinion. They become their own fetish.The libido flows towards themselves instead towards other people.Hence the theory of Blanchard you don't like = the hijacking of object
Anonymous,Wow,simply wow!! I must congratulate you on thinking that loving oneself is equivalent to narcissism. Basically which person on this earth doesn't love the self and has 100% libido directed towards his or her partner? Libido is sexual energy and you have to love yourself to have it in a healthy way in the first place.What will you say of straight men who solely have sex with women for their BDSM fetishes and for dominating women and bragging about it to their peers? Do you think it is really loving women? Hardly. By your logic then, they are far bigger narcissists than any AGP. Just that their "narcissism" is subtle, while crossdressers have it overtly shown.I can say that as a transsexual lesbian, I have always loved women far more than the hunky straight men could ever do. Yet I have had a part of my libido directed towards my inner self as well- as a validation of my own womanhood, because, woman is what I am.Your theory carries hardly any sane logic except perhaps the fact that you are trying to defend yourself against something. Expecting a person to have most of his libido directed towards an outer person lifelong is a myth.....not just myth, but a total utopian chimera.
Libido is not only a sexual energy, it is an energy in general.There is a difference between normal narcissism that allow people to love themselves enough to not kill themselves and accept themselves and a narcissistic personality disorder that males people UNABLE to have a libido on other people than themselves.Autogynephilic libido is a self directed libido. So it is a narcissistic libido. And could be seen so as a psychotic mental structure.When you need someone, it is not a narcissistic libido. A sadist need a masochist or a victim. He is not his own fetish.So keep you irony for you.
I never told that AG people where the most narcissistic on earth.The fact that someone who is noy AG can be more narcissistic doesn't mean that AG is not a narcissistic sex drive.I am AG and I have a narcissistic personality and I think that many AG may be in the same situation.
I never told that 100% of the libido should be on other people.But ins the case of AG, 100% of the libido or so is on the subject as there is NOBODY apart him in his fantacies.He finds women exciting and kinky, he likes to touch and see women but eventually, someone doesn't work and he doesn't want to have sex with her but to the her.Libido and sex are 2 opposte things. Libido is to take advantage of the other'es body to sooth an inner tension. There is no love. Only exploitation.Love is to be interested in the Self of the other person. There is nothing sexual in love.Met usually start with libido and then go to love if the libido can go on the woman (if the woman accepts to be the target of the libido)Women start with love and then go to libido (the connexion makesthem want sex).But it seems tha women are much morenarcissistic than men as they re not really attracted by men but by the lust they created in them.
My comment is inspired by writings of Michael Gilbert, Phd. He uses these examples in his article "On being beautiful".Consider this: a woman, an average genetic female, content to be living in her birth gender, having learned to accept her body and having attended some workshops on self-respect and self-loving has learned to recognize her own beauty both inside and out. She is pleased with who she is and loves the woman she is. Now consider: a man, an average genetic male, over years recognizes he is not content with his own gender, something feels not right. He begins to explore the person is, and finds in hindsight that he was always drawn to a feminine view of the world. He begins to explore this and finds that he has always presented in ways that most of us would consider feminine. He starts dressing as a woman at times, and over time presents most of the time as a woman. He attends some self -respect classes and workshops on how to love yourself. As a result s/he discovers her inner and outer beauty. She simply loves the woman she is. The difference? She is a healthy, complete woman aware of her self-worth. The other she is an autogynophiliac. She is what all women strive towards in their lives. The other she is a sick deviant on a level just one step up from a pedophile. She is considered a competent person in every way. The other she is not to be taken seriously. It is the (unfounded and ill-considered) assumption that crossdreamers, crossdressers, transgendered and transsexuals are abnormal that require explanation. So, someone constructs an explanation and labels, types, classifies so that the explanation actually supports the assumption that we crossdreamers are abnormal. The problem is that it explains nothing. It is a hypothesis that is neither supported by the evidence considering that the sample used by Blanchard is so small and so anecdotal (only people that came through one clinic with a question sample that eliminated all answer options that offered the possibility of answers that did not refer to sexual arousal as a consequence of gender diversity of the subject) that to base reliable determinations on it is beyond comprehension. What Blanchard did was a trick, a sleight of hand. If our society would abandon the notion that gender diversity is abnormal, both she and the other she would be considered an integrated personality.
"Transvestite and all people who want to have a female body in their dreams are very narcissistic people in my opinion. They become their own fetish.The libido flows towards themselves instead towards other people."No! Although I have no numbers to prove this, crossdreamers are as capable of loving other people as anyone else.I do believe there are some crossdreamers that behave in a way that could be interpreted as narcissistic, and you may be one of them. And there are certainly those that buy the myth that crossdreamers and crossdressers are self-obsessed sex-maniacs. You are clearly one of them.But consider the following: Imagine you are a crossdreamer with a strong sexual drive. There is nothing wrong in having a strong sexual drive. Among men it is even considered a requirement, according to common stereotypes. Your ambiguous gender identity makes it hard for you to integrate your dreams into a regular sex life. Maybe you believe women won't accept the idea of you playing the role of the woman, or maybe you have tried and have been rejected. If you are oriented towards men, you may even feel guilt for being gay. But your sexual drive will not be denied, so you channel it into solitary crossdressing and masturbation or you get obsessed with transgender erotica. Again: there is nothing wrong with crossdressing or erotica in my book, but if this is the only outlet for a natural sex drive it may seem narcissistic. But it is not. This person long for someone to love as any other person, but since s/he no longer believes it would be possible for him or her to be loved for who s/he is, s/he turns into herself.I hate the word narcissism, because it seems to point to a permanent character flaw. For me this behavior is simply the end result of suffering caused by an unforgiving cultural setting.I don't know you personally, but the fact that you call yourself a narcissist, makes me believe that you are not one. You are more likely a crossdreamer who has resigned to the idea that you are a pervert, and now you want some kind of absolution or a green card to be one. I don't think you are a pervert, and that you should stop persecuting yourself. It is OK being a crossdreamer, and you deserve love as much as anyone else.
I understand that all people are man and woman, female and male as they are a mix of male and female cells that sounds logical.And that's why nobody should go from one extreme side (manly man) to the other side (sissy transexuals).And Blanchard talks about these people who change sex and go from an extreme to another. He thinks that thay do it because they become their own fetish. Some people may change sex for other reason and thses people can also be excited by female clothes or body by this is not the main reason. While in AG this is the main reason.So you can let live the female inside without killing the man.By the way, what is "female parts" ? I mean why are some feelings considered as female ? Why giving a gender to feelings ? You can me a man and expres the same feelings as a woman without needing to change your body, dont you ?
"By the way, what is "female parts" ? I mean why are some feelings considered as female ? Why giving a gender to feelings ? You can me a man and expres the same feelings as a woman without needing to change your body, dont you ?"There is of course no gender assignment to feelings. It is not the crossdreamer who assigns the gender to it but society. If you display particular emotions as a man, other men will soon let you know that you are not a man. None of this has anything to do with body change though. People seek transition to bring their body into congruence with how they feel inside.
So people who want to change their body to look female because society tought them that if you feel male they must love X or feel Y are just very conformists ?Why can not they be men and act (be sublissive) and feel (sensitive, supportive...) like what society associate to females ?In other ways, express the female side by acts and feelings and not by image.
Jack, I appreciate your blog and comment. I notice that you can speak freely, have no taboo and are not UPTIGHT like the american guys who hold blogs abiut AG.I wonder why they are obsessed with marriage and can not hear anything against marriage ? Because they are religious freaks who feel guilty ?To tell about myself :I don't feel guilty AT ALL. I have NO taboo. I assume what I like, other people just can not stand it.I love women, I don't feel gay and I never had any feeling for a man. I never kissed a man but I have sex men because I love anal sex and it helps me too feel like a woman. I also like stockings on women and on me. I don't need them on women to be attracted but I need them on me to have sex with a man. My problem is that I like love with women and sex AS a woman.So somewhat, there is a sortcut of my libido, it doesn't go fully on women and so I don't really need to penetrate a woman. I am not obsessed with my penis. I can have pleasure with sex with women but I most of time feel rather frustrated by the intercourse. I prefer beeing receptive. So I also wonder how it may be good to have a pussy instead of a dick. But it would be more for sexual pleasure than because I feel that I am a woman. I know that I am a man. I don't want to dress in boring female clothes, ridiculious wig, look like a grand mother (many crossdress do) and talk about make up and how I like to hear people telling me "miss" when I go to the supermarket to buy vegetables.I want to wear sexy stuff, feel attractive, attract myself, have sex, imagine that I am a woman, then jerk off and come back to a male life after I am not excited.Of course, the idea of changing my body is sexy because it would mean to LIVE the fantasy non stop.
@anonymous"I notice that you can speak freely..."I do not believe in censorship. For us to understand who we are, we have to face who we are, and that means going into the darkest abysses of our psyche and look at what is there. I have been strongly influenced by thinkers like Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell, wise men and women who understand that the suppressed parts of your psyche - the parts you fear and hate the most -- are the ones that may make you a whole and healthy human being.We have been cursed/blessed with a condition that goes against what is considered "right" and "natural" in our societies, which is why so many of us try to suppress our desires and our dreams. We want to be loved as "normal" human beings, forgetting in the process that there are no "normal" men and women, that we all have hidden sides that do not fit the recommended pattern.You tell us about feelings and desires that you have in common with many crossdreamers. They may not admit as much, but many of them share your dreams. But they are also right in adding that there is much, much more to crossdreaming than sexual desire. There are also transgender men and women who do not experience life in the way you (or I)do.I want them all to have a voice. If there are people who visit this blog and find their deepest prejudices confirmed (that we are all perverts), so be it. I cannot change the minds of that kind of people anyway. But I also think that there are more grounded non-crossdreamers out there that will read this, look into themselves and find that what they see when they meet us are real human beings. Men and women struggling with their lives as do the rest of humanity. But that requires that we show them and us the diversity of transgender lives, and that we avoid reducing this complexity to over-simplified models that capture only a fraction of what we are.
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